Round One is Done

Round one is complete and it is pretty tight.
Vodoo-287(+7), Boca-287(+7), Talonflier-289(+9), Rodent-289(+9)

Word from the Vatican

Proving that we are truely in a global economy, Boca has made contact from the Rubicon to add his last pick. In lieu of my charitable Zach Johnson pick for his sixth man he is going with Padraig Harrington and staying with EVEN for the tiebreaker. I cannot wait for the now fated Zach Johnson victory to unfold.

Event #2 in FPGP Majors Challenge

I am publicizing my picks for the U.S. Open as Harrington, Donald, Singh, Goosen, Scott, Furyk with a winning total of -5 . Boca is dining on tortellini ala panna in Italia and sent in picks early but forgot his sixth pick and the tiebreaker total. Now I know many of the FPGP purists would just offer a "tough shit" and let him ride straight into the ground with only five players, but I as event chairman and supreme commander of the chair I am sitting in, will give him the highest money list player who is not injured after Tiger. So, he has Zach Johnson as his default sixth player and EVEN for his tiebreaker. His picks are Cink, Els, Clark, Singh, and Toms to go with Johnson. I will take the moral highground here, which as we know, just merely silhouettes you better for the kill shot...so let the bitching begin. Anyway the poor dumb bastard is soooo far behind it is more like the equivalent of your 2nd grader's "Particpation Award" as it is me trying to pull some good kharma. The standings after the Master's scores for the season total are: da Rodent (aka trophy poser) at 1174, myself at 1177, Voodoo at 1179, and our bon vivant, the Count Bimma at 1196. Watch out for that Grappa Boca---eeeek, it is one nasty ass headache. One grappa story ends with me waking up on a public park bench in Pordenone, with a couple of Italian shims (she and hims or undeterminable) glaring at me like, well, like a steaka feasto, as I watch my crew bus drive away with my new Squadron Commander on board.

U.S. Open Side Bet with Excal

It's that time of year again...

Ok, here's the deal... 5 players each. No Tiger. $50 for the team that earns the most cashola. $50 bonus if the Open winner is on your team.

Excal is $50 in the hole from our Master's bet, and I get first pick... it's in the comment section.

-----
Ok, here are the teams and the order they were drafted.

New Tex: Furyk, Singh, Donald, Casey, Mickelson

Excal: Z. Johnson, Scott, Toms, Cink, Verplank

My draft board had Furyk, Singh and Donald 1-3, and I wouldn't have picked Toms or Cink if this went 10 deep. So... I am either going to win big or feel like a complete idiot.

Todd Hamilton is an Idiot

Let the whining begin with this story from ESPN.com.

Money quote is from Todd "No really, I won the British Open" Hamilton:

Of course, all this leads to an idea Hamilton has spoken of often, that par could be abolished, leaving the player with the lowest number of strokes -- whatever that number might be -- as the champion.

"They're always worried about par being a barrier or something in everyone's site that they try to strive for," he said. "They say they don't set courses up trying to get somebody to shoot a certain score, such as par. Well, if that's the case … have no pars on the holes. When a guy finishes a hole, he's not even par, he's 4."

Guess what Todd???... the player who takes the lowest number of strokes DOES win the friggin' tournament!

Maybe if the PLAYERS would stop bitching about what "par" really is, and lack of birdies, they would realize this... the winner of the tourney is simply the one who takes the fewest strokes over 72 holes. I mean, does anyone think that Paul Lawrie feels really bad about WINNING a British Open at 6 over? Ogilvy winning the US Open at 5 over? Who gives a rat's fat ass?

Side Bets

With the US Open starting up in a couple days, I thought I'd make a quick post on sidebets... I know a few of you guys are doing a major by major bet... If Excal doesn't chicken out, he and I will go head to head.

These are the bets that I can remember so far:

1. Shades owes me $10 on a "Michelle Wie making the cut" wager.
2. Excal is down $50 so far in our major's bet, and I have first pick in the next one.
3. Shades is down 11-9 in our weekly PGA Tour bet, and 57,456 Fed Ex points to 31,450.
4. Robbo has a 1/2 game lead over Shades in the "Yankees vs. Blue Jays" bet... that was for $50, right?
5. Shades and I have a "Dice-K ERA over/under" bet... the o/u was set at 4.00, and I took the over... so I am currently winning that one with Dice-K's 4.52 ERA.

Anything else?

UPDATE 6/11/07

Only one change in the order this week, and it's one we can all enjoy... David Toms' big performance in Memphis has vaulted Robbo out of the Duffer Zone. Murph/MG is back in cash position.

UPDATE 6/4/07

This season is really kicking in now boys (and Murph)... some pretty stellar performances from the trades... Perry, JG, and Moore. Also another great performance by one of Bimma's short picks! Bimma may be really dangerous next year if he can decipher the rules!

Once again, there is very little change in the ordinal rankings, and none in the top 3... but the haves are continuing to distance themselves from the have nots. There is also a nice little battle for the Duffer Award going on. The goal of the Duffer Award was to make the pool more interesting for more people, and I think that is being accomplished... the three teams at the bottom of the list would otherwise have nothing to care about if we didn't have the Duffer...

485 ..... Steve T. / Tex
455 ..... Da Bandit
389 ..... Vic/Talon
310 ..... Johnny V.
264 ..... Stan the Man
233 ..... Excal
191 ..... Jeff / Shades
164 ..... Stevie V.
4 ..... Timmy D. / Bimma
0 ..... Tev
-35 ..... Krust
-85 ..... Murph / MG
-111 ..... Robbo / Buzz

How about this FPGP dream pairing.

JG, Trashcan and Tiger "No Golf In Texas" Woods. JG had an awesome round today. Great job JG. I'm not sure who pushed who, you pushing Woods or Woods pushing you. Unfortunately Trashcan didn't have the game today to play with the 2 big guys.

2007 Prize Pool

Now that all of the trades are in, here is what we are looking at:

The total prize pool is approximately $1,470. I say approximately because there was a service fee on some of your PayPal transactions, and I don't intend to fund the difference.

With our 70/20/10/duffer payouts, we have the following breakdown:

1st place: $959
2nd place: $274
3rd place: $137
Duffer: $100

If we wanted to make a little FPGP trophy, I could probably get that done fairly cheaply and would just take it out of the winner's share. I can't imagine it would be more than $50. Interest?

Worst Short-term Trade Ever?

Excal dumped Ernie Els, who shot an opening 66 at The Memorial today for Tim Clark, who is not in the field. If Ernie has a big finish, this may be the worst short-term trade ever. Toss in the fact that Timmy moved up 14 spots to 103 this week, indicating that Excal may have bought a little high.

Time will tell on this one, but it is not off to a great start... that said, I understand the logic of holding the likes of Justin Leonard, as he has more upside than Els (and had a nice little round today).

Four Year Old Kid Can Outdrive Excal!!!

When asked to comment, Excal could only be heard muttering... "no justice."

Four year old Kyle, on the other hand, commented "step back to the men's tee with me Excal... I'll give you two a side."

Excal Makes Trade

Our loveable former commish is dumping Ernie Els for Tim Clark.

As Porky Pig might say... that's all folks. No more trades.

UPDATE 5/29/07 and Trade Warning

Ahhhhh... New Tex's Fabulous Foresome of Furyk, Perez, Na and Leonard really came through at The Colonial. Although there are absolutely no changes in the ordinal rankings of FPGP teams, the difference between haves and have nots has increased a bit.



Alright gang... this is the LAST WEEK to make a trade, and I must be notified by Wednesday night. If I don't get an email by then, you WILL NOT be allowed to make a trade. I am sure Jeff is very busy this week, so if you need the spreadsheet and it is not posted on the site, let me know and I will email it to you.

One Final Note on Excal...

I give Joel a lot of shit for never buying anything new, or for that matter... cleaning his golf stuff. His clubs have caked on mud that would need carbon dating to be properly analyzed... his shoes have turned colors from the dirt... anyone who's ever played with him recognizes his "dirty Cocks" hat. Well, yesterday's outfit looked strangely familiar to me... mind you, I play golf with Joel maybe once a year these days... so, I went to the photo vault and found this picture.

Warning... disturbing image...

The creation date on this file was May 21, 2001. Just over 6 years ago...

Folks, I am here to tell you that da former commish was wearing the same shirt and visor yesterday... I can't vouch for the shorts. Now, the fact that I couldn't fit into anything I owned 6 years ago aside... this is, in a word... "pathetic." I think I am going to siphon off some of the FPGP funds this year and next to start a "one new shirt a year" foundation for Tiger Philp.

Oh, and the shirt had a big hole in the back also.

I think that if the FPGP Open happens, and Tiger decides to bring this "outfit" with him... we need to do a ceremonial burning. Something... anything.

Yes, between that shirt and the mime outfit, I definitely had my fill of horizontal stripes...

Excal at Colonial... The Thrilling Conclusion

Well, Excal got the better of me today... giving 14 strokes and 600 yards of golf course, I just couldn't get 'er done. We pushed the front nine when I made a clutch birdie on 9 to square it up and get back to even par, but the gas tank was empty. The wind, the mud, the constant watching of the vertigo-inducing "move" that Excal was working on... I was 36-42, while he grinded out a 46-46 and beat me 3 and 2.

For the weekend then we had me at 77-73-78 and Excal at 97-92-92... well under Vegas' over/under line... although Vegas didn't anticipate Excal would play the last two courses from 6200 yards. Fun times were had by all, and I learned a lot about our former commish, such as...

1. He does not like the sight of houses on a golf course. This was a constant issue for him. Apparently the presence of wealth ruins his day of drinking and smoking cigars... oh yeah, and trying to hit a golf ball.

2. He will whine and moan like a girl if he has to play from the men's tees. Rather, he likes to set it up from the front/seniors tees and have at it. As he says "I have to play my game," which is absolutely correct... and that game resembles that of a 63 year old 23 handicapper.

3. He likens himself as a "little terrier... always grinding." Yeah... whatever.

4. As a golfer, he is a pretty good mime.

That looks like my last round of golf with an FPGPer (other than Stan the Man) for a while, at least until the FPGP Open. Excal says he's in for October in Myrtle Beach... are we doing this thing or not?

Excal at Colonial... Part Deux

Well, despite the weird weather, we were able to get in our 36 holes today. We really lucked out... only rained on us for one hole, and that wasn't even that bad. Both courses were a little soggy, and it was windy as all hell... but we made it through.

In the morning round, I gave Excal 14 shots... that is, 1 shot per hole on all holes that were not par 3s. I beat him 3 and 2, and shot 77 to his 97. I took all sides of the Nassau. Saweeeet. In the afternoon, he had the same deal, but played a set of tees that were 600 yards shorter than mine (6850 to 6250). I got him 3 and 2 again, and shot 73 to his 92. Excal actually played pretty well on the back 9, and had a chance to win that part of the Nassau, but he pulled the old 3 tap choke on 18, when 2 putts would have cinched it. In his words... "pathetic."

All and all, a somewhat wet and exhausting day. Thankfully, the mime outfit never made it back out.

We have 18 more tomorrow at a course that I've never played, so we'll see how it goes.

Excal at The Colonial

Excal warned me that he was going to do something to "inspire" JG at The Colonial. I was expecting something subtle that I wouldn't be able to detect until we actually made it over to Ft. Worth.

Yeah... not so much.

This is the way he came downstairs this morning.

I always knew that Joel was an ass clown, but here is our confirmation. Yowzas.

He's in the shower now.

I can only imagine what stunts he'll try to pull when WE play golf tomorrow.

For those that forgot where this is from




LINK

Bandit Trade

Bandit dumps Chris DiMarco for Kenny Perry...

Shit.

For The Love Of......WHY?

Michelle Wie accepted a sponsor's exemption Tuesday to play in the John Deere Classic for the third straight year, continuing her effort to make the cut in a men's event.

Wie, who is to graduate from high school next week, has not made the cut in six starts on the PGA Tour. A year ago at the John Deere Classic, she opened with a 77 and withdrew in the middle of the second round with heat exhaustion. FULL STORY

Try more sit-ups

Or how about eating less cheese fries at Outback? Maybe just go with the salad with grilled chicken, hold the cheese on the side though. Couch, how is it that you can have some decent (let's not get too excited) stats, another exempt year under your belt (which is stretched), and are playing in some of the, should I say, not-so-strong fields as compared to years past, yet you still can't make any money on tour. But one need only look at the sphere protruding out above your belt to know that maybe sit-ups could be the answer. And some of us who defend golfers AS athletes have to only look at the picture to understand why the argument exists.

True Champion

Way to go Robbo! Like a true champ, he saw his opportunity (smelled da cheese) and scurried ahead on all four legs.

Colonial Weekend with Excal

Excal is going to be down in the Big D this weekend... we are taking in the Colonial on Friday, playing 36 on Saturday, and 18 on Sunday. Toss in some seats to the Sox/Rangers game on Friday night, and it's going to be big fun. He's been griping about the state of his golf game lately, but this may just be a ploy to get more strokes. For the record, I am not giving up more than a stroke a hole with no strokes on the par 3s. No man should ask another man for more than that. And besides, that is a TON in match play.

The question of the week is, "what will Excal shoot?" I had a friend down here a month ago during the Nelson who is of similar "calibur" as Excal, and he put up a cumulative 300. We'll be playing 2 of the 3 same courses, and the 3rd will probably be a bit easier. Toss in the fact that Excal is a wimp and won't play the course from the same tees I will, and I think an appropriate over/under will be 294 (averaging 98 / round). The biggest factor will be when the famous "MBP" kicks in... that's "Maximum Beer Potential" for those of you who don't know Excal... he believes he plays better when he's loaded.

UPDATE 5/21/07 and TRADE INFO

Well, that happy go lucky smiling MoFo, Matt Kuchar, has lifted Vic into money position. Currently, the top 3 all have Kuchar in their stable.

Another interesting development... with Olin Browne making a cut, and a decent check, Murph has moved ahead of Robbo... which is actually bad for that team, as last place pays $100. Could be an interesting trading time.

Speaking of trades, the official FPGP rules state that the last day to make a trade is May 28, but that is dumb. I am going to extend the trade deadline to May 30th... same net effect, and that way the remaining folks don't have to figure out a trade over the long weekend. Rather, you can blow off time at work and do it then. For the record, the following folks have not made a trade:

Bandit
Excal
Krust
Murph
Robbo

Trades are not mandatory, so don't feel like you have to make one (I am talking to you Bandit).

Here's the update for this week:

"Dick" Dick II?

If you happen to be following the Nationwide Tour this week, as I am, you will see that my buddy Tommy "Two Gloves" Gainey is one stroke behind the leader Richard Johnson. This is not the same Richard Johnson, aka Dick Dick, on the PGA tour. This is the "other" Richard Johnson, aka Dick Dick II, on the Nationwide tour.

Now you may asking your self, "Self, why do I care about this Nationwide event?". Well, the last 6 winners of this Nationwide Event, the BMW Pro-Am, went on to play the PGA tour the following year.

Consistency

In case you can't read the small print, here's how Kuehne's rond has gone (so far)

par, birdie, par, birdie, bogey, eagle, birdie, bogey, bogey, QUAD,...

30 minutes ago I was going to do a pre-emptive jinx post... back when old Hammerin' Hank was 3 under. I guess Kuehne's scorecard is like the weather in New England... if you don't like it... just wait a minute.

I think we should adopt "The Hammer" as the new nickname for Kuehne... for one, it is an oft used nickname for Hanks... and two, it is likely that he'll be making his living swinging one soon.

The Seniors Are Coming To Town

The Sr. PGA Championship is at the Ocean Course at Kiawah. It's about 20 minutes away. They have a decent field with guys who were on the Ryder Cup team back in 1991. But I have zero interest in going. Tickets are $10.50 and I still can't get myself to go. I'm traveled and golfed out. I've got a cold that is being complicated by my allergies. I think I may not do much travel or golf over the next few months. I may hit golf balls, but I may not play for a few weeks. I want to do a complete swing change and get back in shape at the same time. That will take a few weeks and playing 18 or traveling is just too much at this time. Additionally, time will be a premium with the kids out of school for the summer.

But come the FPGP Open, I will be ready! So where are we going again and when??

Thanks JG

For handling us (former) hecklers in the way you did... with grace, with elegance, with humor... with a butt whipping on the golf course...

Most of all, thanks for not taking the Ken Griffey Jr. route to dealing with hecklers.

In Friday night's 2-0 loss at Los Angeles, a Dodgers fan sitting close to the Reds' dugout had fun heckling Griffey and Griffey responded by giving the fan a unique piece of baseball memorabilia - a jock strap.

Too funny...

Hank Kuehne Sighting!

Hank is in the Atlanta field! Shades has to be at least a little bit excited to know that Kuehne is officially off the "Have You Seen Me?" list. Now, if he can just make a cut.

Also in the field... Ray Floyd and Larry Nelson. Huh? Was Hubert Green busy this weekend?

UPDATE 5/14/07 and TRADE

Jeff is out of town, so no fancy update this week... if anyone is thinking of making a trade this week, let me know and I will send you the detailed data.

Stan made a trade last week, but he gave it to me too late for it to get in for the Players... which was fine because his "traded in" player was not in the field anyway. He's dumped McCarron and picked up Gavin Coles. The update below reflects that trade.

342 ..... Steve T. / Tex
328 ..... Da Bandit
316 ..... Johnny V.
282 ..... Vic/Talon
237 ..... Joel / Excal
183 ..... Jeff / Shades
172 ..... Stan the Man
81 ..... Stevie V.
26 ..... Timmy D. / Bimma
6 ..... Krust
-24 ..... Tev
-129 ..... Robbo / Buzz
-184 ..... Murph / MG

Parley of the Year

I wonder what the "Tiger misses the cut and Craig Perks makes the cut" parley would have gone off at? 10,000 to 1? A million to 1? Infinity to 1?

It's on the verge of hitting.

Is it just me...

Or does Phil look like a real douchebag in his PGATour.com photo?

Bimma Makes Trade

In one of the strangest moves in FPGP history, Bimma has dumped Shigeki Marayama and picked up Jason Gore, virtually assuring himself that he won't finish last or in the top 3.

Romo to the US Open?

http://www.usopen.com/news/romo.html

FPGP Open... Shit or Get Off the Pot Time

OK FPGPers... since most of us actually work for a living, we need to figure out this FPGP Open thing for this year pretty soon, as calendars start filling months in advance.

We seemed to have this thing pretty well dialed in, when Excal and Robbo threw a grenade in the room. The "plan" was Oct 5-7 in Myrtle Beach. Suddenly, this was not good enough for Excal, as he got a taste of Hilton Head, and clearly doesn't understand that other people have to fly in for this mess. This is the thread on the blog.

At last count, the following people were interested in getting together in October:

New Tex
Shades
Stevie V.
Bandit
Tev
Excal
Robbo

I was not sure about Vic, but I think he was in. I know Bimma and Stan the Man are out. That leaves us with 2 foursomes or at worst a 3 and 4. Pretty solid.

Now, where the fuck are we doing this thing? Personally, I am not intersted in Hilton Head. For the money, I'd prefer Vegas, but I can't see that happening. Plus, there is no convenient way for those of us not in the Carolinas to get there... It is going to be connecting flights and rental cars. No thanks. If the group pushes for Hilton Head, I'm gonna have to sit it out this year.

Is there still interest in Myrtle Beach? Raise your hand if you are in, and we'll see if this is going to happen. Count me "in" for MB.

UPDATE 5/7/07

Not much action this week... the biggest movers were actually in some of our bottom feeder's short picks.

Craig I have a message for you.

Dear Mr. Perks,

Please withdraw from The Players Championship. I ask you to give up your spot so a golfer like Kevin Na may have a chance to compete. Hell, I'd even be happy to see Craig Kanada get in. Craig at least has won something since you last broke 70 in a PGA Tour event. I met his girlfriend last week at the Wachovia and she seems like a real nice person too.

Last year you shot 79-76 on route to missing the cut for the 3rd consecutive year. You just are not good anymore. Sure, you are 2nd on tour in sand saves and 1st in putting, but that is because you hit too many bunkers and miss too many greens. My putting average is low too, but that's because I can chip the ball close when I miss.

So I beg of you to w/d now rather than on Friday.

Sincerely,
Shades

Sixty Frigging Nine!

What a difference a driver makes... I've been struggling for the last month with my big boy, and finally had to sit it for a home-made driver that Stan the Man built for me. I hit it at the range this afternoon, and had the itch to play afterwards.

What a great idea!

I had a 6 birdie round of 69... with a damned bogey on 18. Three birdies on the four par 5s, a couple deuces on the par 3s (including the sweetest "little" 6-iron I've ever hit in my life on a 220 yard downwind par 3 16th... I hit it in there about half a foot), and one hole out from about 80 yards for birdie, after I got tangled in some trees on 9. It was pretty much a round where everything went right.

This round was a couple weeks too late for the Eat Crow Open, but I'm glad it finally showed up!

Simple Pleasure

Was I the only one other than Timmy that enjoyed watching fireball Rory Sabbatini hit his driver into the water on #14. It was playing about 309 yards on Sunday. Tiger took the driver out of his bag. Sabbatini then took his driver out, teed up the ball and pulled it left into the water. Tiger then put his driver back in the bag and pulled out an iron. Either Tiger changed his mind or got into Rory's head.

If only I had guys from my FPGP team that I could trash talk about. Instead I was just a golf fan pulling for ABT (Anyone But Tiger), except for Rory. I wanted so bad to see Rory throw a club.

Robbin Williams on Golf

Robin Williams - Golf
Uploaded by mark58

FPGP, watch a movie on the road or at home

Illegally downloaded movies onto Youtube and Dailymotion for your viewing pleasure:

www.onlinecinema.org

Now I hope that changed the subject and gave you something to look for on the internets for your entertainment.

Stop naming "niceties"

JG is being ruined by the nice treatment of the FPGP! It's obvious. So, I beg you to stop this while the season is still young.

I'll start with the first taunt.

Hey Gore, I got one word for you, NATIONWIDE. There, that oughta do it!

Go low G's

The cut at the Wachovia (pronounced "Walk-all-ovah-ya") is going up, but I am pulling for my G's, Gainey and Gore, to go low. I was at the tournament on Thursday and followed my friend from Charleston, who I helped finance his first mini-tour, and our FPGP friend JG for 2 holes. Both are on/near the cut line as I type this. How about a little reverse FPGP mOjO for both.

Go low G's!!

You've probably heard this one, but...

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. "What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior."I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed."So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior,astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother, a 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"

"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"

"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathizedMother.

"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister."And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with aknowing smile.

"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister,anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

"You missed the short putt, didn't you?"

FPGP OPEN

Based on my last comment, I figured I'd run with the ball...
Let's work on two things...

1. We need to find out who is actually interested in playing in an FPGP Open.
2. We need to figure out availability.

Once we have that stuff locked down, we should be able to settle on a location... but let's take care of 1 and 2 first.

Who's in? And assume you have to get on a plane... this may be a home game for some, but given our geographical differences, it won't be for all. If you are "in if it is in Florida" or something wishy washy like that, note it.

Consider me "in" and I'll just toss out Labor Day Weekend as an option. I think if we are going to do this, we need to do it right and make it 3 days of golf... so something where we can fly/drive in on Thursday night and play Fri-Sun (36 / day is fine too)... I know I am definitely hopping on a plane, so I want the most bang for the buck. My schedule is wide open at the end of the summer/early fall right now, so I am amenable to just about anything... I just need to lock it in before my frigging case load starts getting full for that time of year.

To sweeten this a little, I'll go on record now and offer this bet... I'll take Robbo heads up... match play... I'll give him a stroke a hole... STRICT USGA rules... no prefered lies/gimmes (unless actually given)/no lateral drops OB/ etc. We did this chest thumping dance a few years ago, and nothing ever came of it... so I am putting it out there again. I'll give Excal the same action if he wants it. For that action though, we all play the same tees... you either step back to the tips with me, or I move down to the front with you. You can't get 18 strokes and 500 yards. Another variation... same rules/tees, but 12 strokes and I don't hit my driver all day.

Let's make this happen.

MIA again ...

Speaking of no-shows, I hereby present Jonathan "Mary" Kay(e). I propose this to be his official FPGP nickname (proper credit goes to da Bandit).

TTG going to the bank? Not yet, just the Wachovia.

Yeah, I've talked way to much about my boy Tommy "2 Gloves", but now there is reason to mention him again. He is playing this week on the PGA Tour, but it wasn't without some drama.

UPDATE 4/30/07

Here is this week's update... not a lot of big movement other than that created by my and Vic's dumping of DiMarco.

362 ..... Steve T. / Tex
316 ..... Vic / Talonflier
312 ..... Da Bandit
285 ..... Johnny V.
248 ..... Joel / Excal
190 ..... Jeff / Shades
164 ..... Stan the Man
3 ..... Stevie V.
-43 ..... Tev
-55 ..... Krust
-122 ..... Robbo / Buzz
-200 ..... Timmy D. / Bimma
-201 ..... Murph / MG

What a dog fight for last place!!!

Byron Nelson Weekend

What a weekend... quick summary:

Thursday: Spent the morning following JG's group at Cottonwood. Shades and I were like a couple school girls after that birdie-birdie start. Spent the afternoon over at TPC following random players. My wife, Shades, Stan the Man and I had dinner with JG and MG on Thursday night... big fun.

Friday: Two rounds of golf... the second was at TPC Craig Ranch. JG pulled some strings for me and the boys and got us out there. Amazing. We are eternally grateful, and actually felt bad that we were playing a better track than JG was that day. :-) By day's end, Shades was in an 8-down hole to me, and another friend had shot a cumulative 204 for 36. Yowzas.

Saturday: Spent the day at the Nelson... bounced from JG's group to various beer tents, then did the "Dallas thing" and spent the afternoon at the Pavillion looking at the beautiful people, drinking too much, and getting a scorching sun burn. The gang came back to Chez New Tex where we had a little BBQ and Beerfest late into the night.

Sunday: One last round of golf. I closed out Shades 8 and 7, but he took my friend Jim for $25 in the Sucker Bet of the Century. My friend Shane (Mr. 204) took me for a dinner bet though... I gave him a stroke a hole in match play, and the fucker hit an iron off every tee. Bastard. He beat me 2 and 1. I knew I was in trouble when I was even par through 7 holes on the back 9 and couldn't get on him. Note to self. A shot a hole in match play is a ton. Shane missed a 3 footer for par on the last hole and carded a 96. That is an even 300 for 3 rounds. His new nickmane is "Earl Anthony." You just can't make this stuff up.

The worst thing about a weekend like that... The Monday Morning Reality. Ugh.

I'll have an FPGP update for you guys later today... Shades is en route to Charleston, so don't expect a "pretty" one until tomorrow or later tonite.

Trades

Vic is dumping DiMarco and picking up Ryan Moore.

I am dumping DiMarco and picking up JG.

So it is written, so it shall be done.

Vic and New Tex Trades

Vic apparently didn't get the message about telling Jeff about trades... I had one that I wanted to pull the trigger on this week, and thankfully it was not the exact same trade.

I sent Jeff my trade info, so if you have a trade to do this week, let me, him, or both of us know and we'll get it posted late night.

Toe down

Now that Kuehne decided to play an event, I thought that perhaps Kaye would surface. But no!!! Come on Jonathan, it's gut check time, and I need points!!!

The Pain Train Departs Thursday at 8:30...

The tee times for the Nelson were just released... JG goes at 8:30 at Cottonwood on Thursday... seems like a good starting spot to me... the easier of the two courses, 4th group out... I smell a low number, and I doubt it is coming from Robert Gamez or Scott Verplank.

I know it was a long shot... but I was reallllllly hoping for a JG / Trashcan pairing.

Meanwhile, Shaun Micheel is paired with Chris Couch... I told Shades that he better hope that the right guys shoot 78 and 68 in that group. Then again, it could be fun to watch Shades crying like a baby at a golf course without a golf club in his hand.

The Mickelson / Singh pairing will draw the big crowds over at the TPC... but the savvy golf fans (that is, me and Shades) will be following JG across the street. He has Kuchar in the group in front of him, so I may need to give him a little pep talk as well.

He's no Tim Couch.... Yet!

I'm a Hank Kuehne or Craig Perks top 10 away from making some real noise in this thing. Oh and by-the-way Mr. Couch. I dropped Axe because he and his pink head covers (not that there is anything wrong with that) seemed happy with just making the cut. Your stats were much better than his, but don't start pulling the same deal as Axe. You and most golf fans know that your little cross handed chip-in last year at the NOLA event was about as lucky as winning the lottery. You did get some decent coin for that even though you sure did look like you wanted to just have a top 10 in that event last year. Let's see you win again. Maybe this time without having to rely on all that luck at the end. When Gut-check is better on my team than you, we have a problem. At least try to be better than the other known Couch. He didn't last long in his sport and your window on the PGA looks even shorter.

Mr. Couch, please understand that you are not the sole reason for the demise of my FPGP team. But when Craig Perks and Hank Kuehne haven't even played in 1 event and have more FPGP points (and those are far more important than FEDEX points) we have to try to light a fire under you butt.

2007 Results: Chris Couch

UPDATE 4/23/07

No change in the top 3 money positions, but it is getting a little tighter under the cut line.

A Special Feeling

I know this is a golf blog but since New Tex has a bet going with somebody that involves golf and face painting, I think it fits.

A Pro in Every Sense of the Word.

What can I say? JG is the man. Can't putt worth a lick, but "the man" nonetheless. Ha!

In all seriousness, it was a very humbling experience. The man is an amazing golfer, but an even better "guy." We had a ton of laughs, mostly at my expense, and I got to watch some jaw dropping drives. The man is seriously intimidating off the tee, unless you are not intimidated by 310 yard ropes that are consistently down the sprinkler line, and that is not even close to being an exaggeration. There are two par 4s at the TPC Craig Ranch that are "driveable"... he hit it stiff on one, and was a bad bounce away from stiff on the other. I mean, the man doesn't try to drive the greens... he tries to hit it close from 330. That's just sick, and frankly, intimidating.

The best thing that happened to me in the match was winning the toss for the first tee. I pull hooked one left and JG hit one in a decent spot. From 129 and over a tree or two, I stuck it in there about 15 feet. The putt was uphill and left to right... after JG missed his birdie putt, he said "looks dead down hill and right edge, eh?" Perfect. Now I knew we'd be giving shit to each other! I missed the putt, but it was a "stroke hole" so I was suddenly 1 up. I continued to scramble around and JG couldn't make a putt, so my 1 up lead was good for a while. On 6, I duck hooked one on a par 5. JG was gracious enough to ask if I wanted to hit another one, but I didn't, as my ball was still in play. He blasted it about 320 dead down the middle. I hit a decent 3-wood back into play. His 2nd shot came up short in a bunker. My sand wedge was about 25 feet past the pin, and he blasted out to about 8 feet. This was the critical point in the "match." I figured I had to make mine... and I did! I gave a little victory dance and what not... I think I told him to "hit it close" with his putt. And he just nailed it dead center. Ouch. I guess I'll get to go to my grave saying "I forced a Tour Pro to make an 8-footer to avoid going 2-down to me"... as if that means something.

On the next hole, he hit it stiff with his driver... sick... just sick. I clearly woke up a sleeping giant. I joked "hey, you pushed it you hack"... as if I could rattle the dude that just hit it 6 feet from 330... He missed his putt, but I made a slappy par, so we were even. I actually won the next hole clean (i.e., no strokes) with a par, and I was 1 up thru 7. The erratic (i.e., God Awful) driver caught up to me, and JG won 8 and 9. One down thru 9. The real problem was that he got the damned tee... you want tough? Follow JG off the tee. He is a machine. The man can drive his golf ball... of course, I pressed, trying to keep up, which is stupid... and hit the ball all over the course.

I was dormie 4 on the 15th tee... 190 yard par 3, playing dead down wind. JG hit 7 iron about 20 feet past the hole. I hit 8-iron (woot!!!) about 12 feet pin high... he missed and I had a putt to continue the match, but left it short right... just like the amateur hack I am. Four and three... a pretty sound whooping.

I really don't know what we shot, as I was focused on the holes... I know I turned in 39, and JG was even or 1-under. I think I was 41 or 42 on the back, and he was another 1 or 2 under. So, 80-81 for me, 70-71 for him, and he never made a putt. The man cut through a 7000 yard track in 30 mph wind like a hot knife through butter, and I was just trying to survive.

In terms of the more important things... the man is a prince. Many a "good shot" were sent my way, even when I'd hit it 30 feet long with a sand wedge, or something else that was clearly not a "good shot" by his standards. Many laughs were had... can you believe he actually printed out my/our comments and brought them to the course???... all in good fun.

We all get behind this guy because he has proven to be way cool on the blog... I mean, let's face it, he didn't run into a JG Fan Club site. But seriously... this is one of the good guys. He's someone worth rooting for. He can golf the hell out of his ball, he can be gracious and funny, and he can sling back a few beers at your house after a round. Truly a pro, and overall super guy. I for one am humbled by the grace and overall character of the man.

Now get it done this week big guy... we'll have one helluva victory party for you!

Call from the turn (JG vs NT)

All Square thru 9.

On Being the Prohibitive Underdog...

I got my inspiration... watch out JG!

Prediction

I say that New Tex loses by hole #14, and that's being kind! Anyone else wanna jump in before the news breaks?

Tiger Is An Ass

The field for the Byron Nelson was just released, and Tiger is not on it. A common thought is that "Tiger doesn't like the courses" but I find that to be horseshit. He won here in 98, and he played almost every year (never finishing out of the top 10) until he acually (gasp) missed the cut at the Nelson a couple years ago, breaking his ridiculous streak of made cuts. He didn't play last year.

Normally, I defend Tiger and his selection of tourneys... but this is an event which will HONOR one of the great figures in golf. Mickelson... here. Singh... here. Garcia... here. Luke Donald... here. The list goes on and on. In fact, just about every prominent American player seems to be in the field. Even HANK "OH MY BACK" KUEHNE is teeing it up, and he may need to be fitted for traction after his first round.

I think this is pretty classless on Tiger's part. Byron passed away last fall, which means there has been ample opportunity to change / affect schedules and what not. For a man who is chasing history, his absence from this year's Nelson shows a lack of appreciation for that history. Shame on you Tiger.

Na done gone!

The spirits have spoken. Na has withdrawn from the event in New Orleans. Coincidence, I think not!!!

New Trade Policy / Eat Crow Open Update

To keep things on the up and up, please send all future trade requests to Jeff... since I am in the thick of it, and still have a trade to make myself, I think I'd have an unfair advantage if people sent me their trade info. I don't want to be labeled "Bandit 2."


The Eat Crow Open is set for late Sunday afternoon. Rumor has it that JG is letting me choose the format. Pretty confident for a guy hopping off a plane and going to the golf course. Clearly he has no respect for my match play record during my senior year in h.s. (14-2). Sure, that was almost 20 years ago, and I played a bunch of no-talent hacks in Massachusetts, but that is not the point. Still, although I think my best format is probably "drink a beer after every hole" that is probably not appropriate. We'll go with "match play, please... thanks."


What is the over under on what hole JG closes me out? And if any of you say "10th" I am going to be very hurt. If JG says "10th" then it is on!!! Ha! Yeah, right... ugh.


If possible, I'll call Jeff with the status after the front nine, so he can post a little "live scoring" here. As always, no news will be bad news for me. I don't know that I am going to take the time to call with a "yeah, JG shot 32 on the front to my 43, and I am 8 down with 9 to play... time to press" message. My best play may be to suffer an Al Czervik-esque injury, and get Danny Noonan to sub for me.


On that note, I will be seeking advice from my spiritual guru this weekend. No, not my friggin sports psychologist friend. Carl Spackler!

Shades Makes Trade: Axley Gets Axed

Shades is dumping Eric Axley for Jason Schultz.

This trade will be effective for this week, and reflected in our next update.

So it is written... so it shall be done.

Trade?????

Hey, what happened to the trade that was "announced" by da Commish? Has this mysterious post gone the way of White House emails!?!?

Eat Crow Open, 2007

FPGPers,

While the network cameras will be tuned to the golf in New Orleans this weekend, there is much bigger match occuring in the Dallas area. As you will surely recall, our pal JG started commenting on the blog one fateful day in June, after I posted something to the effect of "I could beat him if he gave me two shots a side" and he retorted with a "I'll take that bet." Well... it's gonna happen.

MG and I had talked about all of us getting together next week for dinner, and I couldn't help but put out the "offer" to play with JG if he was skipping the NOLA tourney. Not only was there a gracious acceptance of my offer, but a counter offer to play out at the TPC Craig Ranch course (which is likely the future home of the Byron Nelson tourney). Wow. So there you have it... New Tex v. JG. The Big Mouth vs. The Big Bomber.

I have but two conditions for the match, and of course, since I am the one with the big mouth, will accept my fate if these conditions are not agreed to.

1. I have no desire to play from the 7500 yard "PGA Tour" tees. The 7000 yard "Championship Tees" are about as much golf course as I can chew on.

2. Match play gives me a slugger's chance, as I will surely blow up on a couple holes... Vegas has me as a 30:1 underdog in a stroke play format... 8:1 in match play. Let's make it competitive JG!

I'll accept my fate if JG wants to play stroke play from the tips... I guess this is my pathetic way of asking for some mercy, and in a public format. Shit, I really am pathetic.

UPDATE 4/16/07

Well, Johnny V.'s stay at the top was short-lived... even the most powerful mojo/voodoo couldn't keep Kevin Na from sailing Da Bandit and New Tex right by him. Mr. Na also propelled Jeff right into the middle of the pack, where he has little chance of winning, and even less chance of finishing dead last. Maybe if Kuehne can just get off the pain train... or ask Kelli to play in his stead. Ouch.



And we have a helluva battle going on for last place also!

Where to play during the FPGP Open (poll)

Prior to voting please know that there are 7 choices. I took the top 7 from the golf digest "top 50" review of MB golf courses. Of the top courses I did not include those in NC and those that were not in Myrtle Beach except for True Blue, which is in Pawley's Island.

Best Wishes

To Mr. Na:
Bon chance demain, heh, heh, heh .....

We need to get Jam Boy in the FPGP

Here is his latest blog posting. For those that don't know who Jam Boy is, he is a caddy at some golf course in I think Tennessee.

Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey...

Ok, enough already. In an attempt to either change the direction of my FPGP team or get me into a last place finish, I am going to start trying to reverse jinx my guys. Nothing else is working, so why not.

GO KEVEN NA, GO! GO LOW!

UPDATE 4/9/07

Goosen shoots Johnny V. to top of leaderboard!

New Tex Takes Down Excalibur!

It waddn't perty... but I'll take it.

Excal only had three players make the cut.

Furyk, who finished tied with my Singh,... push
Mickelson, who finished tied with my Ogilvy... push
And Chaz Howell, who was bested by a stroke by both my DL3 and Adam Scott...

So, by a narrow margin, New Tex triumphs!

That's fitty.

And the Winner of the First Major is...

The Rodent is the winner and takes a narrow lead into U.S. Open. With the U.S Open rough and slick greens, picking stable (make the cut) players will be the key to survival. Congratulations Robbo, the rodent gets the last laugh!

Robbo - 1174 (289, Toms/72*, Stenson/72*, Scott/72*, Singh/73*, Mickelson/77)
Talonflier - 1177 (290, Casey/71*, Scott/72*, Singh/73*, Howell III/74*, Mickelson/77)
Vodoo - 1179 (286, Goosen/69*, Cabrera/71*, Donald/73*, Singh/73*, Olazabal/77)
Boca Bandit - 1196 (294, Cabrera/71*, Ogilvy/73*, Singh/73*, Mickelson/77*)

Rodent Scurries Ahead by Two, Smells Cheese...Needs Shower

Moving Day (at least at the bottom of the tank)

The Bandit was done in by Ogilvy's Tin Cup impression on #15 and we now see how important it is to have a full stable of options to facilitate dumping a high score or two. With 3 common players on Talonflier and Robbo teams, it is really a 2v2 with Howell III and Casey going against Toms and Stenson for this Major and the $40 prize. Still Vodoo could rise from the grave and snatch victory if his stable puts up four very good scores. The Bandit is looking to stop the bleeding because these scores carry over for the season title, the "Protective Cup". The good news is the scores carryover for the Cup, but you pick new players each Major.

Robbo - 885 (300, Mickelson/73*, Toms/74*, Scott/76*, Stenson/77*, Singh/79)

Talonflier- 887 (301, Mickelson/73*, Howell III/75*, Scott/76*, Casey/77*, Singh/79)

Vodoo - 893 (302, Goosen/70*, Donald/75*, Olazabal/78*, Cabrera/79*, Singh/79)

Boca Bandit - 902 (312, Mickelson/73*, Cabrera/79*, Singh/79*, Ogilvy/81*)

Cubs and the World Series

Catsup and hot dogs

Peace and the Middle East

Bleach and ammonia

And now; Philp and the Masters

Cash in your winnings folks, Armageddon is not far away!!!

Round 2 Round Up

Rodent's lead has the half life of Cialis and it's not very big to start. Some scary moments as some of us were within a whisper of not fielding a full team for the last two rounds (BTW, the rule is you get the score of the higest pro in the field for each day if you are short a player). Everyone lost Els, and the Bandit watched Chad Campbell exit early (guess he needs some more hormone shots). Vodoo has vaulted into last place.

Robbo - 585 (296, Singh/71*, Mickelson/73*, Els/76*, Stenson/76*, Toms/78, Scott/78)

Talonflier - 586 (288, Casey/68*, Singh/71*, Mickelson/73*, Els/76*, Howell III/77, Scott/78)

Boca Bandit - 590 (289, Ogilvy/70*, Singh/71*, Mickelson/73*, Cabrera/75*, Els/76, C.Campbell/77)

Vodoo - 591 (Singh/71*, Donald/74*, Olazabal/75*, Cabrera/75*, Goosen/76, Els/76)

Dear Bret Wetterich

CUT IT OUT!

Uh, have you seen your swing? Seriously dude... you can't play like this at Augusta. Can't do it. Not for four days. So, let's make a deal... how about you continue to score well for a few more holes, and then you just tank. Everyone will understand, because your swing looks like it is taking place in a phone booth. You'll still have great stories to tell the grandkids... "back in 07, I was leading The Master's halfway through the 2nd round... then I shot 80-82, but that's not important."

Anyway... just start playing like that swing should dictate...

Kthanks,
Steve

Robbo Charges Into the Early Lead

Today's Round-Up

Robbo -289 (Scott/74*, Toms/70*, Stenson/72*, Singh/73*, Els/78, Mickelson/76)

Vodoo -296 (Donald/73*, Olazabal/74*, Singh/73*, Goosen/76*, Cabrera/77, Els/78)

Talonflier -298 (Singh/73*, Scott/74*, Howell III/75*, Mickelson/76*, Casey/79, Els/78)

Boca Bandit -301 (Singh/73*, Mickelson/76*, Ogilvy/75*, Cabrera/77*, C.Campbell/77, Els/78)

* denotes round used in score

No Justice

In case you didn't know already, Joel/Excal is at The Masters today. I find this to be completely ironic, as I've never met anyone with such blatant disregard for the rules and traditions of golf, and there he is at the most hallowed grounds! This is a guy who routinely carries 18-20 clubs in his bag (several drivers, putters, and wedges, none of which have ever been struck solidly), routinely tees the ball up 3 feet in front of the tee markers, and despite all of this, has never hit a ball more than 220 yards. HE is at The Masters.

Well, as the man would say...

NO JUSTICE!

Kids

I was at the driving range tonite and heard the funniest exchange between two little kids on the putting green. I guess they were having a little putting contest amongst themselves, and one kid says "I'll be Tiger Woods... you're Phil Mickelson."

The other kid yells "I don't want to be Phil Mickelson!!!"

I almost peed my pants.

Golf Anyone?

Hey Florida FPGPers... I am going to be in Daytona on May 22nd for work... Would anyone be interested in playing golf on the afternoon of the 21st? I have no clue if any of you are close or not, but I'd probably be able to get into Daytona on the 21st sometime in the morning, and we could tee it up in the afternoon.

Master's Side Bet

OK Joel/Excal... let's do this thing. $50 for best team, $25 if you pick the winner. Five players each, no Tiger, highest combined earnings wins. I'll even let you pick first.

UPDATE 4/2/07

Here are this week's numbers... that little Shit From McKinney continues to screw me in this frigging pool... on the strength of Hunter Mahan's performance in Houston, Vic has leapfrogged me and landed in 3rd place. Bandit continues to hold a slight margin (and a trade) over Stevie V.

284 ..... Da Bandit
277 ..... Johnny V.
229 ..... Vic / Talonflier
209 ..... Stevie T. / Tex
161 ..... Joel / Excal
134 ..... Stan the Man
32 ..... Stevie V.
17 ..... Jeff / Shades
15 ..... Krust
-14 ..... Tev
-92 ..... Robbo / Buzz
-132 ..... Timmy D.
-209 ..... Murph

No pretty pictures this week

I will be skiing in Idaho this week. So I will not be posting any of the images (team data and such). If you need that data, email New Tex. I'm sure he would love to forward that info on to you per your request.

Bogus Basin Mountain (link)

Quad

Ugh... long story short, I played with Krust today out in his neck of the woods (Mansfield National). A decent, but pretty easy course that was playing way too short... I should have played the tips. Thru 15, I was +1 and seemingly in complete control. Then the 16th hole happened. A wonderful 9... A Quad. A Near Double Par. Finished with a 78 despite that atrocity.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Masters Challenge

After many years of trial and error I believe I have found the best tournament pool format for the Majors; tell me if your interested? It relies on the standard college match format with each team consisting of six players, each day you record the best four scores of your team (4 out of 6)and that becomes your day total, add your four days together and you have you tournament score...low tournament score wins. It gets interesting in the pro format because you can lose a player if he fails to make the cut meaning you have one less round to choose from in making your low four. A tie is broken by match of cards of the last day's round in reverse order (18 backwards) of the opposing #1 players on the two tied teams (almost never occurs). My proposal is this: $20 per team (one per FPGPer) per Major ($80 total); $10 of which goes to the pot for that Major and $10 carries over to the pot for the lowest total for all four Majors. You can pick a new team each Major, you must declare one player as your #1, Tiger is not available for anyone. Thoughts? I will send the money up front because I know it upsets New Tex to have his piles confused; being a federal employee I have no problem with circular accounting--- I manage the Social Security lock box.

FEETS DON'T FAIL HIM NOW!!!

Another Texas Victory for Justin???

JG's new sponsor?

No. Not the Houston Astros, but rather Major League Baseball? Gore was shown a lot on the Golf Channel's coverage of the Shell Houston Open. He was sporting a Houston Astros cap during his round.

Smile Pretty

A link to his website: www.justinleonard.com

FPGP RULING

This comes straight from the top...

"Any attempt to jinx Justin Leonard, for example by making posts such as 'Look how well Justin is playing' will be greeted with a $100 fine by the commish."

Just keep your snack shutes quiet!

Deafening Silence

Well... Shades decided to not post the ass-whoopin' he put on me today. Hmmm... the psychological warfare for the Nelson golf weekend begins.

I am in Charleston for work, and flew in early to play a round with Jeff at Oak Pointe on Kiawah. I'd like to blame my shitty ass game on being tired from getting up super early, or on being stuck on a 3 hour flight... but crap... I just stunk it up out there today. I put up a fugly 83 to Shades' 80. My bogey-par-double-double finish was like watching a monkey fuck a football.

On the bright side, it looks like I get 3 strokes in April. Sweet.

Nice course... more "target golf" than I am comfortable with, particularly since Shades offers no guidance whatsoever. The course seemed to be designed with my game in mind, as I found every sand trap on the damned place, a water hazard or two, and various other spots that "members" like Jeff seem to avoid with ease. The classic was the last hole... it looks a lot like the 18th at the Ocean Course... Jeff says "it's 230 to carry the hazard." It is so flat, all of the bunkers in the distance look like they are beside the green, so I say "uhhh... ok" and proceed to hit what I thought was a good ball... then I hear "oh, that's in the trap." Well, shit. A 270 yard frozen rope 3-wood, right into the middle of a bunker that looked like it was 350 yards away. Shit again.

And yeah, Shades did provide a yardage book... but I like to play by "feel." (OK, I am choking on my own spit on that one...).

NCAA Pool...

I just got the latest update on the pool that some of you joined... there is no possibility for any of us to cash. If you want the spreadsheet, let me know and I will email it to you.

Oh, and MG... you may need a collection agency to get your bet $$$ from Talonflier... he still hasn't coughed up the $10 he owes me for that pool. There may be a new Rodent in the midst...

UPDATE 3/26/07

Here is this week's update... Johnny V. has vaulted into second as a result of my going backwards on the Brett Wetterich performance. Damn him. It is a flimsy second place though, as Johnny V. has already made his trade, and I can grab 100 points right now by dumping JL. To keep some of this in mind, I'll color the FPGP players names who have made trades in blue. This should show up when Jeff makes this more 'perty.

276 .... Da Bandit
251 .... Johnny V.
214 .... Stevie T.
171 .... Vic / Talonflier
132 .... Stan the Man
126 .... Joel / Excal
22 .... Krust
15 .... Stevie V.
13 .... Jeff / Shades
-21 .... Tev
- 61 .... Robbo / Buzz
-133 .... Timmy D.
-266 .... Murph

Hey New Tex and Bandit

SHORT THIS



Brett Wett earns a nice check ($800K) at the WGC-CA event at Doral.

Joel da Mime

I found Philp!!!

Or is this him?

UPDATE 3/19/07

Here is this week's update... the big mover was Johnny V., by virtue of Rocco Mediate's performance.

As always, if you want a trade to be effective for this week's event, I need an email by Wednesday.

One Hole

I always figured that on any given hole, I could take down a Tour guy like JG. Unfortunately, I usually play 17 shitty ones around it... anyway, today was one of those holes. The 10th at the place I play is a 545 yard par 5, that winds around downhill and to the left. Today it was playing downwind. I nutted a ball off the tee about 350, hit 7-iron in from 195, and drained a 20 footer for eagle. It was my 12 minutes of "holy shit, maybe I can play this game." Of course, it was sandwiched around a bogey on 9 and a bogey on 11... but that is not the point. For one hole, the world was right. I was playing with Krust, and showed him the 7-iron before I hit it so he could attest to it... I knew I was going to make an eagle on that hole... I don't know why.I shot 74, which was not half bad considering I was half drunk and it was windy out. I shot 78 in the morning which was a tragedy... bogeyed four of the last five holes.

The wife is out of town, so I snuck in a "quick" 36 today.Another mini highlight for the day... I made a pair of 2s on the same par 3. Last week I made a friggin' triple bogey on that little hole... today, I made an 8 footer in the morning and a tap in (hit the pin with the tee shot... what the hell?) in the afternoon.

On the day, I had 5 birdies, and eagle, and a hole lot of slapping the ball around the course. Let's start talking trash boys... it's not just about making fun of the best players in the world. That stupid "mygolfrecord.com" has my handicap at 1.9, and I am almost starting to believe it. Woot!Update tomorrow...

There may be a Hank Kuehne sighting in a few days.

My boy, Hank, is listed in the field for next weeks Nationwide tour. While not the PGA tour, it does mean that Hank is alive and able to swing a golf club. Given the quality of my team this is a very nice baby step. And how funny that another of my guys is playing there too, Craig Perks. One guy to watch is Kevin Gessino-Kraft. I've seen "Krafty" play a couple of times. He's got some game.

And that was you Nationwide Tour Update.