UPDATE 7/31/06... "V" Is For Victory?

Jeff is stuck in NC until the end of the day, so we may not get the full fancy update until tomorrow. In the meantime, here are the stats... ROBBO HAS FALLEN OUT OF CASH POSITION. The Vodo's are currently in Gold and Silver position, w/ Da Bandit creeping into 3rd. What a race!

316 .... Stevie V.
309 .... Johnny V.
301 .... Da Bandit
299 .... Robbo/Buzz
237 .... Stevie T./New Texan
220 .... Jumpin Jeff/Shades
216 .... Tiger Philp
183 .... Stan the Man
181 .... Vic/Talonflier
-53 .... Fraser

Crane-ium

I see that Talonflier suffered a setback yesterday with his pick of Ben Crane, who apparently forgot to take his Ritalin, or who is as mentally sharp as a bag of wet mice. From the tournement web site:
Defending champion Ben Crane was disqualified for signing an incorrect scorecard. He parred the par-5 sixth hole, but signed for a 3. Crane, who played 36 holes Friday, had rounds of 67 and 72 to finish at 1 under.

Okay, so he would have missed the cut anyway, but it's still a helluva story especially since he's THE DEFENDING CHAMP!!!

Trashcan En Fuego!

DJ is off to a HOT START boys... this could be the week!

Follow Trashcan's progress here.

61 For Pavin Today

$10 he doesn't shoot better than 68 tomorrow... takers?

Ty Tryon

I have no idea why I thought of this little bag of bogeys, but his name ran across my consciousness just now... so I Googled him. And I have to say, I wish I didn't. Look at this friggin' picture! Is he a golfer or a porn star? This is going to cause me nightmares...

Not shockingly, the tytryon.com web page is a dead link. However, there is a site that follows him, which can be found HERE.

Rule Changes For 2007

Although our previous adminstration tended to rule with an Iron Fist, I prefer getting a little feedback from the group. That being said, I plan to re-write some of our rules for next year to make this pool a bit more exciting, interactive and fair. That being said, here are some ideas that I have for next year... let me know what you think, and I will take your thoughts under advisement.

THE DUFFER AWARD

Presented to the FPGPer who finishes dead last in the pool. Although the infamy of the award should be enough, the "winner" of this award will be refunded their $100 entry. Note: this award will only be given if we have 15 or more FPGPers this year. I think it would be nice to give someone like Fraser something to root for, but I don't want to take out 10% of the prize pool to do it.

THE GREG OWEN CANON

Named in honor of Jeff's trade pick, this rule will put a new front-end on the trade timeline. Jeff was able to take advantage this year by doing some early research and seeing a potentially decent player get off to a shaky start, and he pulled the trigger on a trade very quickly. It seems to me that you could do this with almost anyone, yet it represents no skill whatsoever. For example, let's say Jim Furyk finishes at #2 on the money list, but misses a cut and finishes barely in the money in his first two events. He could be something like 100th on the money list and eligible for a trade. Trading for him would represent no real "skill" in picking players; rather it is just an opportunistic trade. I'd like to implement something like a "trade time" which begins in March and ends at the end of May... that way the money list has stabilized somewhat, and the Greg Owen moves are less likely to happen. Another way to think about it is to not allow a trade unless the to-be-traded-for person has played in a minimum number of events.

THE LOREN ROBERTS CANON

This rule limits who can be picked as a "short pick" to those players who are only eligible for the PGA Tour. This year, Roberts was a clever pick if you realized that he'd be spending most of his time on the Senior Tour. Again, this doesn't represent any "I think this guy over achieved last year, so I want to short him this year" skill... The Bart Bryant and Olin Browne picks from this year clearly demonstrate that. Rather, the Loren Roberts pick represents some due diligence on the picker's part, but that due diligence is in regard to "I don't think they will play many events." This also means you'd need to make your short pick(s) from the list of players who finished in the top 130 on the money list or otherwise have full playing privaleges on the PGA Tour. I can imagine another "clever" pick whereby the FPGER looks picks some dude in the 131-145 range who also doesnt get his card back at Q-school, and as such, is relegated to the Nationwide Tour.

TRADES/SHORTS/NUMBER OF PICKS

I've noodled the idea that we should have more than 1 trade a year, but I am not sure it is a great idea after all. It seems that the 1 trade is a way to make up for a mistake, but allowing two would be too much. For example, with the exception of Fraser, there is probably not anyone in this year's pool who couldn't leap into the money by making just one more trade. Thus, I think the "one trade policy" is a good one.

Something else I've noodled is increasing the number of picks from 7 to 8 for the sake of diversity in picks, and also allowing 1 or 2 short picks. That is, you have to have at least one short, but if you want to short 2 guys, that is OK. As always, you can't trade out your short picks.

Let me know what you think...

UPDATE 7/24/06

WE HAVE A NEW LEADER...

This is a really tight race! 7 points separate 1st from 3rd, and less than 100 separate first from 2nd to last (Fraser is so far out, we don't even look at his scores). Some of this week's backwards movement from Robbo (and a few others) resulted from Scott Hoch's standings... another 15 or so players made it onto the money list, driving the "1+ the last guy on the list" score all the way up to 261. Jeff made the most progress with a little forward momentum from Sergio.

As for Robbo/Buzz/Da Rodent... looks like this is his fate...

Sergio Garcia's Final Round Putting...

Good move not taking the bet on Sergio finishing in the top 5... I know the round is still in progress, but given the way he is putting, I don't think he has much hope.

Insert British Open Side Bet Trash Talk Here

Harrington +3? Wow. Thought he was the one good pick you made. Shocked also by Clarke at -3. I am still confident the Karma Bus will run you over.

Daniel "Don't Call Me Deepak" Chopra

What is up with this dude? I checked in on the B.C. Open scores, and again, he is on the top of the board. If PGA Tour events were 18 or 36 holes, he may have won $5 million already this year... he seems to get out to the front more consistently than anyone.

As a side note, I also just realized that this tourney is being "Presented By Turning Stone Resort." Let me tell you a little bit about Turning Stone...

1. If you had a map of "nowhere" you could find it by looking smack in the middle of said map.

2. The casino itself is OK... the poker room is absolutely wonderful. I usually joke that bad poker players have to count using their fingers and toes. Well, it is even worse when they have webbed feet, like in upstate New York... relying on a Base-9 or Base-8 system to calculate "outs" in poker is not a profitable way to play. My one night playing a small $5-10 Limit Hold-em game, I cleaned the table for over $700 in 4 hours... and I was shitfaced. One one hand, I "flopped" FOUR ACES, and kept getting raised and re-raised to the max by TWO guys who were trying to bluff me. Now that is fun stuff.

3. If you want to go to Turning Stone and enjoy an adult beverage, bring your own. Yup, it is an alcohol free environment. When Petra and I sat down at a Blackjack table upon arrival, I ordered the customary Jack and Coke. Waitress said "I can get that... hold the Jack." It was later explained to us that the Indian Tribe that runs the place made a deal with the state government... if they didn't serve alcohol, they could let 18 and over gamble... and the one thing that that area of upstate New York has is 18 and over kids, because of the number of colleges. You can, however, bring in your own. This explains how I was "shitfaced" in a dry casino... Petra and I went to a local liquor store, loaded up, went back to our suite, drank like it was an Olympic event, then went down over (separate buildings... stupid) casino.

4. The "Lodge Resort" or whatever it is called is one of the nicest places I've ever stayed. It has the feeling of an upscale ski resort... something you might find in Aspen or Reno... it is strangely out of place in this shit hole.

JG, who is your pick to win the British Open?

I personally like Tim Clark. Guy is money overseas and his recent showing at the Western Open and Masters makes me think this guy can play in Big tournaments.

SIDE BET ISSUE: TREVOR IMMELMAN

Tiger, I just heard on the radio that Trevor pulled out of the British Open because of the birth of his daughter... the question is this... are you going to do the right thing and give me a pick to replace him, or are you going to be a bastard?

Sergio? Is that you?

We had a visitor to the blog from Vigo, Spain - Galicia Region on Tuesday. Sergio is that you? If so, why aren't you practicing your putting? If it is you, you should post a comment here and get some of that ol'fashioned FPGP MOJO. Post here and in your next tourney finish in the top 10. Don't believe it? Ask fellow PGA professionals that finished in the top 10 at the Cialis Western Open.

FPGP MOJO, it's not just for breakfast anymore!

Two Leaderboards

I have the links for both the British and B.C. Open leaderboards set up on the side bar. I am reasonably certain that PGA Tour guys are able to allocate their winnings in the British to their PGA Tour totals, so this is an important one. Same for the B.C. Open, which has many of our bottom tier players (e.g., Trashcan) in the field.

Stevie T. and Tiger Philp: British Open Side Bet

Ok former commish, this is the thread we can use to make our picks... we'll just do it in the comments. You mentioned you had a full day today, so I expect to see your first pick this evening... I'll log in from time to time, and maybe we can get it all done today.

1. You get the first pick, by virtue of the thumping you got in the Master's bet. Five picks total.
2. $50 for team with most earnings at the British Open.
3. $50 if the winner is picked.

This is a tradition between me and Tiger, so if you'd like to join... too bad. It would take too long to enlist others into our little fun. However, I do encourage you guys to engage in any side bets that you want and feel free to use the blog to arrange them.
----------
OK, here are the teams:

TIGER PHILP:
Mickelson
Clarke
Harrington
Donald
Montgomerie

STEVIE T:
Singh
Goosen
Immelman
Ogilvy
Appleby

Check out the comments to see the "evolution" of the picks.

British Open weather forcast?

Tim Herron sauntered around the putting green in front of the Royal Liverpool clubhouse, soaking up a glorious day and marveling at what he had seen out on the course.

'They were sunbathing over there,' he said, motioning off into the distance with his club.
Sunbathing? At the British Open?
Indeed.

During Tuesday's practice round at this historic course along the Irish Sea, the temperature was climbing into the 80s beneath a brilliant blue sky, with nary a cloud to be had.

There were no fearsome gusts whipping in off the water, just a refreshing breeze. Instead of bundling up in sweaters and jackets, most fans milled around the links wearing shorts and T-shirts.

If conditions stay anything close to this through the weekend, Tiger Woods' record 19-under score while winning at St. Andrews six years ago could be in jeopardy. FULL STORY

Tell It Like It Is

Like a pesky (albeit determined) insect, da Bandit is now swarming around the leaders of the FPGP. But, his team (many lacking in masculine qualities) has likely peaked, save for Ian Leggett, who may go down as the poorest pick in FPGP history (right up there with Philp’s choice of Gabriel Hjertstedt). Incidentally, Philp traded for Leggett this year showing that he hasn’t lost his touch!

The FPGP board has lacked the typical Bandit bravado, which has served him well in the business world and while stationed at the end of numerous bars. Why the absence? Well, he was last sighted in New Orleans at a bar called Monkey Hill --- I know since he left a gin-soaked message on my answering machine.

As far as da Rodent, his team is toast. If you believe in the saying “coffee is for closers,” Robbo is decaf at best. Yes, his squad is headed for another 2nd half swoon ---- poor coaching pure and simple.

As for me, my team is just beginning to percolate, lead by the phoenix known as JG! I just have to make better side bets and all should turn out okay.

Senden Da Bandit Up The Money List

John Senden's victory today puts Da Bandit in a position he knows well in the FPGP. Yes, the career leading money leader of our pool is once again in "cash position," replacing Johnny V. in 3rd place... this move shakes up the top 3 for the first time in months. Moreover, only 13 points now separate first from 3rd... had Da Bandit not dumped Alex Cejka, he'd be alone in first by about 40 points.

When I calculated the points, I thought I made a typo, but the totals are correct. Tex/Shades are tied, as are Stan and Vic.



Also, Jeff/Shades put up a "side bet summary" on the sidebar for us... it is just a little summary I've made to keep track of the side action that is generating. The way to read it is DOWN columns.

Eagle Sightings

JG puts up 3 back nine eagles on Sunday. EXCELLENT work JG!!!!!!! Your 2nd shot on 17 took a very nice hop and roll. Tough (expensive) break on 18, but hey, another great tournament for you and don't let 18 get you down. 3 EAGLES for god sake.

Standings Shakeup

Could be a TON of movement after this week's tourney. John Senden, currently leading (and running away a bit) can be found on Da Bandit's team, and only his. Trashcan is currently T11, and if he can avoid a meltdown, should give me a bunch of points. Same for Jumpin Jeff who is riding the Justin "Every Rose Has A Thorn, and Mine Is My Putting." JG, held by a few people is also crawling up the board.

It's also possible that Da Bandit may have one of those "bitter sweet" days, as Alex Cejka is climbing into the top 3... Da Bandit had Cejka but dumped him for Chris Smith right at the deadline. It looks like had Da Bandit stood pat on the trade deadline, he'd vault into or very near the lead today (assuming the leaderboard holds).

GORE GIRLS

Sorry MG but apparently your man now has a cult following that has manifested itself in the formation of an all-girl, Detroit-based band. Motivated by the stellar play of Jason Gore last year, the girls sought to combine the musical genres of Motown and Garage Rock to create a sound in the mold of Gore's golf game.. gritty, homegrown, and at times out of bounds. Amy, Marlene, and Mayuko merge the long driving back beat with the flitty lyrics of a lob shot round after round with few bogeys. Their hits include, Oscar Brown, EZGoes It, Meet Me in the Lumber Yard Danny, and Immovable Obstruction Leads to Combustion. Their sensory shocking on stage perfomance is coming to a venue near you with their latest releases, Elbow Blues, Just Say No to the Ho-Ho, Back on Track, and Fantasy Losers.

WD for Wie

WD for Wie (with an apparent medical condition)!!! Had to be given an IV, put on a stretcher, and was zipped away in an ambulance.

Is this blog on the cusp of things or what with the recent WD discussion! At any rate, are my 2 competitors going to take money as a result of a poor little girl's illness??? Yeah, I know the bet was a done deal before this but ..... okay I'll send the stinkin' money.

WITHDRAWAL

This week it is Jonathan Kaye and Steve Lowery.

Jonathan Kaye had withdrawn from the Bay Hill Classic, back in Feb., with a bad hip. Not sure what it was this week, but likely he realized just making par wasn't going to be good enough with the projected cut at -2.

Steve Lowery withdrew from the John Deere Classic midway through his 1st round. As another blog put it, "You've got to give Michelle Wie credit. With six bogeys on her scorecard for round one, the Big Wiesy is still in the game. Even Steve Lowery knew when to quit." Lowery was +2 thru 12.

Then there is Mike Sposa who threw up a 78 and was DQ'd.

I'd love to report why these guys WD'd or were DQ'd, but apparently sports writers would rather focus on the female player who "took a spot away from another player" than report on the guy(s) who didn't show, didn't finish, or showed and did something stupid to get DQ'd. It's tough enough for professional players without their tour cards to get into these tournaments and compete, but there should be some sort of penalty on players for DQ's. If your hurt, that's fine, but I can't see many of these players play one week, DQ the next and then are fine the following week. JG, you had a WD this year. What are your thoughts on this. As for the FPGP, I think we need to have a penalty that hits an FPGPer when one of our picks WD's. Say -10 points per WD.

Who will win the John Deere Classic?

2008 Golf World Interview With JG

Johnny Miller sat down to interview the world's #1 golfer last week, and here's what he had to say...

Johnny Miller: JG, the success you've had over the past couple years has been unprecedented... #1 on the PGA Tour Money List in 2007; Winner of 9 tournaments including the U.S. Open, Masters and PGA; currently the #2 golfer in the world. What do you owe this success to?

JG: Yeah Johnny, it's been a helluva ride. It really all started back in July 06 when I started commenting on the FPGP.

Miller: FPGP?

JG: Yeah, it is a bunch of anonymous chuckleheads who wager on pro golf. Turns out some of them took me and were frustrated at my performance. They turned to immature name-calling, but it was all in good fun.

Miller: What did they call you?

JG: That's really not important... what is important is that after chatting with these guys a bit, I started to feel what is called the "FPGP MOJO." Suddenly, I felt like I could win every tourney I entered. The hole started looking like a basketball hoop...

Miller: That is pretty amazing.

JG: Yeah, it is. Anyway, my success seems to come from this "FPGP MOJO." I have no other way to describe my change in fortunes, so to speak.

Miller: Can any of these guys play?

JG: That seems to be the irony; they all talk the talk, but if you put the best four on a scramble team, they'd barely break 80.

Miller: Interesting... so a bunch of clowns inspired you to rise to the top of the golf world.

JG: It sure seems that way.

Monkey

Monkey Hate Wie!

Counting Some Chickens

Well, I think MG and I are in pretty good shape in our "Trashcan versus Wie" wager against Shades and Stevie V. Poor little Michelle... word of the bet must have made it to her, and she (again) succumbed to the pressure. A 77 on a not so hard course... currently only "beating" Bob May... Meanwhile, our favorite Clemson Tiger gritted out a nifty 69... way to go Trashcan... if you can just finish on the money list where you started, I am going to get paid this year.

JG the "Prince of Pinehurst"?

JG, I had forgotten about that nickname until I stumbled on this while looking for a "Trashcan" Trahan story.

JG, aka "Prince of Pinehurst" and aka "John Daly without the issues". I love that second one.

FPGP DREAM PAIRING

12:38 CT, starting on the 10th tee... JG is playing with David Duval (and Kirk "yawn" Triplett). JG and Duval are the two most talked about players in the FPGP this year, and thus far those with Duval (+117) have fared better than those with JG (-25), but JG seem to be riding the FPGP Mojo Train.

I hesitate to make a wager on this... because I have no faith in Duval, and I have gained a lot of respect for JG... so, I'll toss it out as a purely academic question. What kind of odds can I get with a Duval v. JG wager? Clearly, JG would be the favorite... so I wouldn't take this even money, without strokes. So, either proper odds or proper strokes... where do you guys see this falling?

I also see that David "I fucked Steve T. over royally last year" Gossett is in the field. Grrrrrr. Anyone who has an FPGP Rule named after them ("The Gossett Corollary") should really just turn in his Tour Card, and start peddling Titleists at the local Country Club.

With regard to the Wie/Trashcan bets, I think you Wie people are in big trouble. Looks like the PGA Tour was hoping to boost USA's ratings, as they have her going out in the second to last group on Friday, on the #1 tee... so she will conveniently be making the turn right around the beginning of the broadcast. I know two things:

1. Afternoon tourney rounds are tougher than morning rounds... more spike marks, dryer/hotter conditions, tends to be more windy.

2. Wie shrinks under pressure.

My guess is that Wie is going to shoot some number like 71-75. If Trashcan can't handle that, well, MG and I deserve to lose $20.

Vic/Talon, I take it you got no action on your Perez offer?

It's On!

In this corner, hailing from the great state of Georgia... former Clemson University All-American... D.... J.... Trashcan!
And in this corner... hailing from Hawaii... arguably the most over-rated figure in sports (unless you are talking about her figure... "hubba hubba" says the dirty old man). Michelle "I want to play with the boys even though I can't beat the girls" Wieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

The wager... $10 for lowest 36 hole score. Currently, the bet is between Stevie T. and Stevie V., but I will be happy to take that action from anyone.

We really should have an "FPGP Penalty" rule here, where anyone who has a player that is beaten by Michelle Wie is penalized an additional 10 points or something. Personally, I have grown very tired of this fucking side-show. This "woman" has never beaten anyone in any significant event, other than the Women's Publinks, which she won at 13. What has she done since then? Sure, she is talented... but she has shown a remarkable lack of heart... Given the way she putts (particularly late) I bet Jeff's boyfriend Sergio would love to have her on the regular tour so he could move up an ordinal position in the rankings. Meanwhile, there is a male player who is deserving of a spot who will be the first alternate not to make the field. What an injustice.

I would love to hear JG's perspective on this, but clearly he should not comment on the blog on this controversial issue.

Greg Owen lives!

Well it's not the PGA Tour, so the $$ won't count, but it's good to know he is still alive.

Justice will be served, Greg Owen believes, when he makes his return to the Open Championship next week.

The 34-year-old Englishman will make his first appearance in Europe in the last 12 months when he tees off in the Barclays Scottish Open at Loch Lomond on Thursday. But since he was kept out of the Open Championship in hugely controversial fashion last summer and missed out on the first two majors of this season as well, Owen's mind is already turning to Royal Liverpool. FULL STORY RE: The Greatest FPGP Trade In History

Vegas Golf

September 1-4 will be a three-day golf outing in Las Vegas for me and some guys going to my bachelor party... if anyone is interested in coming out and playing with some FPGPers (me, Jeff, Tiger Philp), let me know so we can adjust our tee-times.

The Sun Devil Skyrocket

I'll put $20 out that Pat Perez (if he's playing) will explode for at least one round over 76 in Moline. This boy is as lively as a "green zone" market on Friday ni...hell about any time. I dub him TNP, it's TNP, it's dy-no-mite (insert funky music). A round with TNP is like watching WWE pay-per-view (no I have not) 'cept they hit the balls with clubs not chairs and knees. Who among you will write this knot of xmas tree lights a wartime dosage script for Xanax or Ativan? Any takers on TNP holding it together for 72 holes?

Sergio Garcia - Doctored Photo?

Here is a sight you don't see much. Well it happens 18 times per round, but takes about 3 tries first.

Putting Average - 160th
Putts Per Round - 178th

Post Cialis Update

This may be the year that we finally see a person lose the FPGP because they made a really bad trade... the Mediate for Singh move made by Robbo is really looking terrible right now.

JG's performance helped close the gap a bit this week and our defending champ is now right on da rodent's heels...

JG Shines in Chicago

A well-deserved round of applause for JG and his -8 (T10) at the Western!!! Way to go! For those of you who didn't pick him, watch out. The year is still young.

Every Rose has it's thorns

But this Rose had a great round in the AM on Saturday and is in the hunt to win some nice $$.

Justin Rose Score Cards

67 For JG!!!

Nice round dude... when I saw that double come up that put you to even, I thought... uh oh. That is a STRONG finish... very impressed.

DJ Trashcan

Well, DJ is doing it to me again. This guy runs from cut lines like Jeff runs from a real day's work. Unbelievable. I thought players scored BETTER in the morning, when the greens are soft and not spiked up...

There must be a big IPTAY event this weekend that he can't miss. If I ever pick another Clemson player again, feel free to remove me of my duties as commish/accountant... I have clearly lost my fucking mind.

Checks Deposited

I finally remembered to take the trade checks to be deposited... sorry for the delay.

After subtracting out administrative costs, such as time spent working on updates, server space from Jeff, etc., I am happy to announce that our prize pool this year will be $3.18, with $2.42 going to the winner.

Nice Heart JG

For those FPGPers who are not sitting in front a computer all morning, JG got off to a tough start this a.m., bogeying his 2nd and 3rd holes. Looks like he hung in pretty strong though, as he birdied 2 of the last 3 holes to come in -1 for the round. Given the huge pressure of performing with his new fan base, we at FPGP Central can understand the shaky start... and are even more impressed with the strong finish.

:-)

DiMarco withdraws from Cialis Western Open

Normally, I like to rip a guy for WD in a tournament, especially without giving a reason, but I thought this was something to note.

FULL STORY
Chris DiMarco withdrew from the Cialis Western Open on Tuesday evening due to the passing of his mother, Norma. She suffered an apparent heart attack just after arriving in Colorado for vacation on Tuesday.

Western Open

Is anyone else at least midly uncomfortable that the sponsor for this event is Cialis?
My recollection is that the Western Open is one of the top-tier events, and such notables like Tiger and Phil play in it... yet, J.B. Holmes is not in the field. Coincidence? I think not. Here is a guy with the same name as porn legend "Long John" Holmes, and he is skipping the Cialis event...

On the other hand, the Johnsons, Zack and Richard/Dick, are in the field.

Oh, I made a new and permanent change to the sidebar... you will note that you can track JG's progress by clicking on the "JG'S SCORECARD" link. I am also putting that link HERE. Go gettem' JG... no need to go soft at this tourney!

1st FPGP Poll

Vegas Baby!

As Jeff and Tiger/Excalibur know, I am having my bachelor party in Vegas over Labor Day Weekend. There will be a decent number of guys coming out for it, some of who are golfers... at least in the most liberal sense of the word. I've been to Vegas a bunch, but never packed the sticks as I was far more interested in the blackjack pit and poker room.

Does anyone have a suggestion for a decent track for us to play? I was hoping the TPC Summerlin was a daily fee course, but it is private... bummer.

Also, we have talked on several occasions about having an FPGP golf outing... I hereby invite any and all FPGPers to Vegas for the weekend... I have no real agenda, other than to play a lot of cards and golf on Sunday, so if you are free and can swing it (pun intended) hop on a plane and let's tee it up. If there is enough interest in golf, we'll set up a little tourney deal based on handicaps... maybe a 2 man scramble format or something like that. You're invited too JG, but I expect you'll be busy making your way up the leader board in Norton MA that day.

UPDATE 7/3/06

Well, this pool is getting tighter than a U.S. Open fairway... only Fraser is clearly out of the money hunt right now, but he could still catch lightening in a bottle. Multiple FPGP winners "Bandit" and "Stevie T." are making their mid-season move, and at this point Robbo can only hope to hold on... he's four good Bart Bryant rounds (uh, consecutively...) from falling right back into the pack with Stevie V. Here are the standings...

Hope all you academic types and professional golfers are enjoying a day off today... some of us suckers in the corporate world actually have to work.

Hey JG! Time to Roid and Wrap Up

Time to offer some sarcastic, unsolicited advice to our gracious, girthy guest of the greens (alliteration boys). The reason for steroids prevelance is simply because it works. The best healing accelerant in the universe for a damaged body. Don't sweat the bitch tit, the organ damage, the shrinking grapes, rapid mood swings, cancer risks, acne, or other minor inconveniences--they are either temporary or fatal. Hell, opportunity only knocks once. I'd be on the juice before you could say BALCO if I had the talent to win a PGA event. I just analyzed my likely points total and I need you back on track. So what do you say JG, take one for my FPGP team...or actually take about three shots daily in a major muscle group. I'm willing to risk it. Motrin and a carpal tunnel brace won't cut it here, time is of the essence. At a minimum consider HGH and andro, it only stings for a minute or two. Be a pro and ask yourself just one question...cream or clear?

Wow, an atheist (really!), and member of the ACLU and People for the American Way (seperation of Church and State folks) gets blasted for posting a confession picture! I guess my decision to pull my earlier pic of Father "lap taffy" O'Brien banging young Billy, the new alter boy, was a good oneI Let's be careful not to ban too much stuff on the blog or it'll stop being fun.

Piling on (pun intended) to JG's Memorial memory, I propose a new feature...BEST PRACTICAL JOKES survey. In JG's case I believe that hole turds are covered in Rule 25c, ball lost in an abnormal ground condition or perhaps you could get relief (apparently someone did) from a loaf made by a burrowing animal exception. We had a similar incident at a special ops exercise at an old RAF base. Jammed up in circa-1940 dorms for three weeks, flying every freakin day, and oh God, the unending rain/fog finally drove someone to transform their normal persona into the the "mad shitter" at night. Night after night fecal masterpieces would show up in the most inconvenient places, bathroom sinks, planning tables, etc... And like serial killers, the donations would escalate to riskier and riskier targets to enhance the self-satisfaction of "the mad shitter." Next came the ops officer's desk which initiated THE MAN coming down with down the heat. Undeterred by curfews, posted sentries, and threat of punishment...the "mad shitter (MS)" went on a bio-rampage. MS must have upped the fiber or began a Mansonesque-cult because the production was at superhuman levels. The CO actually tried to have the specimens analyzed for content to try and match diet patterns to the offender. Clues and demands began to appear on these fecal flounders which threatened continued and more personal attacks if drinking privileges (it was a dry exercise) were not restored and a down day provided (no flying). Morale was at an all time high, though no none ventured out to the latrine at night in fear of tripping on MS handiwork or being accused of the art. Long story short, they gave into the pie-making terrorist and drinking was restored. Full amnesty was offered at endex if he would unveil himself and...the "mad shitter" was in fact not a he, but a she. MS was a female crew chief (maintenance) on MH53s (AFSOC helicopter) who, because of our male chauvinist proclivities moved about us--- crapping at will---without even being considered a suspect. She immediately had a dozen date proposals and was elevated to the title of exercise MVP (yes, most valuable pooper). I am sure your wives will appreciate how our piggish ways left us vulnerable to manipulation and defeat.

JJ Henry

What has become of the PGA tour when Tiger misses a cut at the Open and JJ Henry leads an event going into the final day. Henry shot 8-under on Sat. I get the that a blind squirrel finds a nut sometimes, but JJ Henry? Listen to some of the event on the PGA Tour Radio broadcast on XM Radio (that's another story).. it sounded as this guy made every putt he had. Most were from way-down-town, call "bank", shots er putts.

Is this a Nationwide tour event acting as a PGA tour event? I miss the GHO. That was a good tournament. This one, not so good.

Guilty

Let me offer my belated mea culpa to JG. I would have done so last night but I followed the advice of da Rodent (a clinical psychologist with a supposed specialization in the area of addictions) by refilling my wine glass before it was empty to avoid drinking too much. This “system” doesn’t work!

Yes, I’m guilty of being the author of a few barbs on this blog (sic). After reading the recent posts, I’m reminded of Jack Nicholson’s “Don’t I feel like the f ---- ing asshole!” and Bogart’s “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, …“

I sure as hell hope that Bart Bryant doesn’t read this site!

JG (and MG), thanks for being such good sports and good luck the rest of the season. Since you’re one of my picks I have a selfish interest in your welfare, but I mean it!!!

DJ Trahan

So the New Texan (Stevie T) started getting excited about one of his picks on Fri. (6/30). You see, his only pick to be in negative points is D.J. Trahan and he was on top of the leaderboard after the second day at -5. He [Trahan] was T51 in putting and made 100% of his sand saves. Having made only his 5th cut in 19 tries, and only 3 strokes back going into the weekend, the New Texan is seeing the fortunes of one of his players change. But I have to show him the reality...

Greens in Regulation Pct. 61.2% 159th
Putting Average 1.803 135th
Round 3 Scoring Avg. 73.50 178th
Final Round Scoring Average 72.00 99th

...not the feal good numbers you would want to see (Trahan 2006 stats).

While the only way he doesn't make a penny this weekend if is he WD's, but I would wager that won't finish in the top 15 and his winnings will be less-than-excitable for FPGPers with him.

Our Favorite Tour Player Is...

ya just gotta love the guy... read below...

i know not everyone in the pool checks in religiously, but take a look down a few posts and see... tuns out Jason has a great sense of humor and doesn't mind when a bunch of hacks make fun of him... kinda seems like the kind of guy you could hang out with, maybe have a beer or two, a hotdog or two, and lose a few bucks to along the line but smile all along.

Congrats Jason... you just increased your fan base by about 5 people... :-) Keep checking in... we want your (or your wife's) picks for next year's pool.