2007 Prize Pool

Now that all of the trades are in, here is what we are looking at:

The total prize pool is approximately $1,470. I say approximately because there was a service fee on some of your PayPal transactions, and I don't intend to fund the difference.

With our 70/20/10/duffer payouts, we have the following breakdown:

1st place: $959
2nd place: $274
3rd place: $137
Duffer: $100

If we wanted to make a little FPGP trophy, I could probably get that done fairly cheaply and would just take it out of the winner's share. I can't imagine it would be more than $50. Interest?

Worst Short-term Trade Ever?

Excal dumped Ernie Els, who shot an opening 66 at The Memorial today for Tim Clark, who is not in the field. If Ernie has a big finish, this may be the worst short-term trade ever. Toss in the fact that Timmy moved up 14 spots to 103 this week, indicating that Excal may have bought a little high.

Time will tell on this one, but it is not off to a great start... that said, I understand the logic of holding the likes of Justin Leonard, as he has more upside than Els (and had a nice little round today).

Four Year Old Kid Can Outdrive Excal!!!

When asked to comment, Excal could only be heard muttering... "no justice."

Four year old Kyle, on the other hand, commented "step back to the men's tee with me Excal... I'll give you two a side."

Excal Makes Trade

Our loveable former commish is dumping Ernie Els for Tim Clark.

As Porky Pig might say... that's all folks. No more trades.

UPDATE 5/29/07 and Trade Warning

Ahhhhh... New Tex's Fabulous Foresome of Furyk, Perez, Na and Leonard really came through at The Colonial. Although there are absolutely no changes in the ordinal rankings of FPGP teams, the difference between haves and have nots has increased a bit.



Alright gang... this is the LAST WEEK to make a trade, and I must be notified by Wednesday night. If I don't get an email by then, you WILL NOT be allowed to make a trade. I am sure Jeff is very busy this week, so if you need the spreadsheet and it is not posted on the site, let me know and I will email it to you.

One Final Note on Excal...

I give Joel a lot of shit for never buying anything new, or for that matter... cleaning his golf stuff. His clubs have caked on mud that would need carbon dating to be properly analyzed... his shoes have turned colors from the dirt... anyone who's ever played with him recognizes his "dirty Cocks" hat. Well, yesterday's outfit looked strangely familiar to me... mind you, I play golf with Joel maybe once a year these days... so, I went to the photo vault and found this picture.

Warning... disturbing image...

The creation date on this file was May 21, 2001. Just over 6 years ago...

Folks, I am here to tell you that da former commish was wearing the same shirt and visor yesterday... I can't vouch for the shorts. Now, the fact that I couldn't fit into anything I owned 6 years ago aside... this is, in a word... "pathetic." I think I am going to siphon off some of the FPGP funds this year and next to start a "one new shirt a year" foundation for Tiger Philp.

Oh, and the shirt had a big hole in the back also.

I think that if the FPGP Open happens, and Tiger decides to bring this "outfit" with him... we need to do a ceremonial burning. Something... anything.

Yes, between that shirt and the mime outfit, I definitely had my fill of horizontal stripes...

Excal at Colonial... The Thrilling Conclusion

Well, Excal got the better of me today... giving 14 strokes and 600 yards of golf course, I just couldn't get 'er done. We pushed the front nine when I made a clutch birdie on 9 to square it up and get back to even par, but the gas tank was empty. The wind, the mud, the constant watching of the vertigo-inducing "move" that Excal was working on... I was 36-42, while he grinded out a 46-46 and beat me 3 and 2.

For the weekend then we had me at 77-73-78 and Excal at 97-92-92... well under Vegas' over/under line... although Vegas didn't anticipate Excal would play the last two courses from 6200 yards. Fun times were had by all, and I learned a lot about our former commish, such as...

1. He does not like the sight of houses on a golf course. This was a constant issue for him. Apparently the presence of wealth ruins his day of drinking and smoking cigars... oh yeah, and trying to hit a golf ball.

2. He will whine and moan like a girl if he has to play from the men's tees. Rather, he likes to set it up from the front/seniors tees and have at it. As he says "I have to play my game," which is absolutely correct... and that game resembles that of a 63 year old 23 handicapper.

3. He likens himself as a "little terrier... always grinding." Yeah... whatever.

4. As a golfer, he is a pretty good mime.

That looks like my last round of golf with an FPGPer (other than Stan the Man) for a while, at least until the FPGP Open. Excal says he's in for October in Myrtle Beach... are we doing this thing or not?

Excal at Colonial... Part Deux

Well, despite the weird weather, we were able to get in our 36 holes today. We really lucked out... only rained on us for one hole, and that wasn't even that bad. Both courses were a little soggy, and it was windy as all hell... but we made it through.

In the morning round, I gave Excal 14 shots... that is, 1 shot per hole on all holes that were not par 3s. I beat him 3 and 2, and shot 77 to his 97. I took all sides of the Nassau. Saweeeet. In the afternoon, he had the same deal, but played a set of tees that were 600 yards shorter than mine (6850 to 6250). I got him 3 and 2 again, and shot 73 to his 92. Excal actually played pretty well on the back 9, and had a chance to win that part of the Nassau, but he pulled the old 3 tap choke on 18, when 2 putts would have cinched it. In his words... "pathetic."

All and all, a somewhat wet and exhausting day. Thankfully, the mime outfit never made it back out.

We have 18 more tomorrow at a course that I've never played, so we'll see how it goes.

Excal at The Colonial

Excal warned me that he was going to do something to "inspire" JG at The Colonial. I was expecting something subtle that I wouldn't be able to detect until we actually made it over to Ft. Worth.

Yeah... not so much.

This is the way he came downstairs this morning.

I always knew that Joel was an ass clown, but here is our confirmation. Yowzas.

He's in the shower now.

I can only imagine what stunts he'll try to pull when WE play golf tomorrow.

For those that forgot where this is from




LINK

Bandit Trade

Bandit dumps Chris DiMarco for Kenny Perry...

Shit.

For The Love Of......WHY?

Michelle Wie accepted a sponsor's exemption Tuesday to play in the John Deere Classic for the third straight year, continuing her effort to make the cut in a men's event.

Wie, who is to graduate from high school next week, has not made the cut in six starts on the PGA Tour. A year ago at the John Deere Classic, she opened with a 77 and withdrew in the middle of the second round with heat exhaustion. FULL STORY

Try more sit-ups

Or how about eating less cheese fries at Outback? Maybe just go with the salad with grilled chicken, hold the cheese on the side though. Couch, how is it that you can have some decent (let's not get too excited) stats, another exempt year under your belt (which is stretched), and are playing in some of the, should I say, not-so-strong fields as compared to years past, yet you still can't make any money on tour. But one need only look at the sphere protruding out above your belt to know that maybe sit-ups could be the answer. And some of us who defend golfers AS athletes have to only look at the picture to understand why the argument exists.

True Champion

Way to go Robbo! Like a true champ, he saw his opportunity (smelled da cheese) and scurried ahead on all four legs.

Colonial Weekend with Excal

Excal is going to be down in the Big D this weekend... we are taking in the Colonial on Friday, playing 36 on Saturday, and 18 on Sunday. Toss in some seats to the Sox/Rangers game on Friday night, and it's going to be big fun. He's been griping about the state of his golf game lately, but this may just be a ploy to get more strokes. For the record, I am not giving up more than a stroke a hole with no strokes on the par 3s. No man should ask another man for more than that. And besides, that is a TON in match play.

The question of the week is, "what will Excal shoot?" I had a friend down here a month ago during the Nelson who is of similar "calibur" as Excal, and he put up a cumulative 300. We'll be playing 2 of the 3 same courses, and the 3rd will probably be a bit easier. Toss in the fact that Excal is a wimp and won't play the course from the same tees I will, and I think an appropriate over/under will be 294 (averaging 98 / round). The biggest factor will be when the famous "MBP" kicks in... that's "Maximum Beer Potential" for those of you who don't know Excal... he believes he plays better when he's loaded.

UPDATE 5/21/07 and TRADE INFO

Well, that happy go lucky smiling MoFo, Matt Kuchar, has lifted Vic into money position. Currently, the top 3 all have Kuchar in their stable.

Another interesting development... with Olin Browne making a cut, and a decent check, Murph has moved ahead of Robbo... which is actually bad for that team, as last place pays $100. Could be an interesting trading time.

Speaking of trades, the official FPGP rules state that the last day to make a trade is May 28, but that is dumb. I am going to extend the trade deadline to May 30th... same net effect, and that way the remaining folks don't have to figure out a trade over the long weekend. Rather, you can blow off time at work and do it then. For the record, the following folks have not made a trade:

Bandit
Excal
Krust
Murph
Robbo

Trades are not mandatory, so don't feel like you have to make one (I am talking to you Bandit).

Here's the update for this week:

"Dick" Dick II?

If you happen to be following the Nationwide Tour this week, as I am, you will see that my buddy Tommy "Two Gloves" Gainey is one stroke behind the leader Richard Johnson. This is not the same Richard Johnson, aka Dick Dick, on the PGA tour. This is the "other" Richard Johnson, aka Dick Dick II, on the Nationwide tour.

Now you may asking your self, "Self, why do I care about this Nationwide event?". Well, the last 6 winners of this Nationwide Event, the BMW Pro-Am, went on to play the PGA tour the following year.

Consistency

In case you can't read the small print, here's how Kuehne's rond has gone (so far)

par, birdie, par, birdie, bogey, eagle, birdie, bogey, bogey, QUAD,...

30 minutes ago I was going to do a pre-emptive jinx post... back when old Hammerin' Hank was 3 under. I guess Kuehne's scorecard is like the weather in New England... if you don't like it... just wait a minute.

I think we should adopt "The Hammer" as the new nickname for Kuehne... for one, it is an oft used nickname for Hanks... and two, it is likely that he'll be making his living swinging one soon.

The Seniors Are Coming To Town

The Sr. PGA Championship is at the Ocean Course at Kiawah. It's about 20 minutes away. They have a decent field with guys who were on the Ryder Cup team back in 1991. But I have zero interest in going. Tickets are $10.50 and I still can't get myself to go. I'm traveled and golfed out. I've got a cold that is being complicated by my allergies. I think I may not do much travel or golf over the next few months. I may hit golf balls, but I may not play for a few weeks. I want to do a complete swing change and get back in shape at the same time. That will take a few weeks and playing 18 or traveling is just too much at this time. Additionally, time will be a premium with the kids out of school for the summer.

But come the FPGP Open, I will be ready! So where are we going again and when??

Thanks JG

For handling us (former) hecklers in the way you did... with grace, with elegance, with humor... with a butt whipping on the golf course...

Most of all, thanks for not taking the Ken Griffey Jr. route to dealing with hecklers.

In Friday night's 2-0 loss at Los Angeles, a Dodgers fan sitting close to the Reds' dugout had fun heckling Griffey and Griffey responded by giving the fan a unique piece of baseball memorabilia - a jock strap.

Too funny...

Hank Kuehne Sighting!

Hank is in the Atlanta field! Shades has to be at least a little bit excited to know that Kuehne is officially off the "Have You Seen Me?" list. Now, if he can just make a cut.

Also in the field... Ray Floyd and Larry Nelson. Huh? Was Hubert Green busy this weekend?

UPDATE 5/14/07 and TRADE

Jeff is out of town, so no fancy update this week... if anyone is thinking of making a trade this week, let me know and I will send you the detailed data.

Stan made a trade last week, but he gave it to me too late for it to get in for the Players... which was fine because his "traded in" player was not in the field anyway. He's dumped McCarron and picked up Gavin Coles. The update below reflects that trade.

342 ..... Steve T. / Tex
328 ..... Da Bandit
316 ..... Johnny V.
282 ..... Vic/Talon
237 ..... Joel / Excal
183 ..... Jeff / Shades
172 ..... Stan the Man
81 ..... Stevie V.
26 ..... Timmy D. / Bimma
6 ..... Krust
-24 ..... Tev
-129 ..... Robbo / Buzz
-184 ..... Murph / MG

Parley of the Year

I wonder what the "Tiger misses the cut and Craig Perks makes the cut" parley would have gone off at? 10,000 to 1? A million to 1? Infinity to 1?

It's on the verge of hitting.

Is it just me...

Or does Phil look like a real douchebag in his PGATour.com photo?

Bimma Makes Trade

In one of the strangest moves in FPGP history, Bimma has dumped Shigeki Marayama and picked up Jason Gore, virtually assuring himself that he won't finish last or in the top 3.

Romo to the US Open?

http://www.usopen.com/news/romo.html

FPGP Open... Shit or Get Off the Pot Time

OK FPGPers... since most of us actually work for a living, we need to figure out this FPGP Open thing for this year pretty soon, as calendars start filling months in advance.

We seemed to have this thing pretty well dialed in, when Excal and Robbo threw a grenade in the room. The "plan" was Oct 5-7 in Myrtle Beach. Suddenly, this was not good enough for Excal, as he got a taste of Hilton Head, and clearly doesn't understand that other people have to fly in for this mess. This is the thread on the blog.

At last count, the following people were interested in getting together in October:

New Tex
Shades
Stevie V.
Bandit
Tev
Excal
Robbo

I was not sure about Vic, but I think he was in. I know Bimma and Stan the Man are out. That leaves us with 2 foursomes or at worst a 3 and 4. Pretty solid.

Now, where the fuck are we doing this thing? Personally, I am not intersted in Hilton Head. For the money, I'd prefer Vegas, but I can't see that happening. Plus, there is no convenient way for those of us not in the Carolinas to get there... It is going to be connecting flights and rental cars. No thanks. If the group pushes for Hilton Head, I'm gonna have to sit it out this year.

Is there still interest in Myrtle Beach? Raise your hand if you are in, and we'll see if this is going to happen. Count me "in" for MB.

UPDATE 5/7/07

Not much action this week... the biggest movers were actually in some of our bottom feeder's short picks.

Craig I have a message for you.

Dear Mr. Perks,

Please withdraw from The Players Championship. I ask you to give up your spot so a golfer like Kevin Na may have a chance to compete. Hell, I'd even be happy to see Craig Kanada get in. Craig at least has won something since you last broke 70 in a PGA Tour event. I met his girlfriend last week at the Wachovia and she seems like a real nice person too.

Last year you shot 79-76 on route to missing the cut for the 3rd consecutive year. You just are not good anymore. Sure, you are 2nd on tour in sand saves and 1st in putting, but that is because you hit too many bunkers and miss too many greens. My putting average is low too, but that's because I can chip the ball close when I miss.

So I beg of you to w/d now rather than on Friday.

Sincerely,
Shades

Sixty Frigging Nine!

What a difference a driver makes... I've been struggling for the last month with my big boy, and finally had to sit it for a home-made driver that Stan the Man built for me. I hit it at the range this afternoon, and had the itch to play afterwards.

What a great idea!

I had a 6 birdie round of 69... with a damned bogey on 18. Three birdies on the four par 5s, a couple deuces on the par 3s (including the sweetest "little" 6-iron I've ever hit in my life on a 220 yard downwind par 3 16th... I hit it in there about half a foot), and one hole out from about 80 yards for birdie, after I got tangled in some trees on 9. It was pretty much a round where everything went right.

This round was a couple weeks too late for the Eat Crow Open, but I'm glad it finally showed up!

Simple Pleasure

Was I the only one other than Timmy that enjoyed watching fireball Rory Sabbatini hit his driver into the water on #14. It was playing about 309 yards on Sunday. Tiger took the driver out of his bag. Sabbatini then took his driver out, teed up the ball and pulled it left into the water. Tiger then put his driver back in the bag and pulled out an iron. Either Tiger changed his mind or got into Rory's head.

If only I had guys from my FPGP team that I could trash talk about. Instead I was just a golf fan pulling for ABT (Anyone But Tiger), except for Rory. I wanted so bad to see Rory throw a club.

Robbin Williams on Golf

Robin Williams - Golf
Uploaded by mark58

FPGP, watch a movie on the road or at home

Illegally downloaded movies onto Youtube and Dailymotion for your viewing pleasure:

www.onlinecinema.org

Now I hope that changed the subject and gave you something to look for on the internets for your entertainment.

Stop naming "niceties"

JG is being ruined by the nice treatment of the FPGP! It's obvious. So, I beg you to stop this while the season is still young.

I'll start with the first taunt.

Hey Gore, I got one word for you, NATIONWIDE. There, that oughta do it!

Go low G's

The cut at the Wachovia (pronounced "Walk-all-ovah-ya") is going up, but I am pulling for my G's, Gainey and Gore, to go low. I was at the tournament on Thursday and followed my friend from Charleston, who I helped finance his first mini-tour, and our FPGP friend JG for 2 holes. Both are on/near the cut line as I type this. How about a little reverse FPGP mOjO for both.

Go low G's!!

You've probably heard this one, but...

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. "What troubles you, Sister?" asks the Mother Superior."I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed."So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!"

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior,astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother, a 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green...and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted...and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"

"No, that wasn't it," admitted Sister. "While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!"

"Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!" sympathizedMother.

"But I didn't, Mother Superior!" sobbed the Sister."And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!"

"So that's when you cursed," said the Mother with aknowing smile.

"Nope, that wasn't it either," cried the Sister,anguished, "because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!"

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said...

"You missed the short putt, didn't you?"

FPGP OPEN

Based on my last comment, I figured I'd run with the ball...
Let's work on two things...

1. We need to find out who is actually interested in playing in an FPGP Open.
2. We need to figure out availability.

Once we have that stuff locked down, we should be able to settle on a location... but let's take care of 1 and 2 first.

Who's in? And assume you have to get on a plane... this may be a home game for some, but given our geographical differences, it won't be for all. If you are "in if it is in Florida" or something wishy washy like that, note it.

Consider me "in" and I'll just toss out Labor Day Weekend as an option. I think if we are going to do this, we need to do it right and make it 3 days of golf... so something where we can fly/drive in on Thursday night and play Fri-Sun (36 / day is fine too)... I know I am definitely hopping on a plane, so I want the most bang for the buck. My schedule is wide open at the end of the summer/early fall right now, so I am amenable to just about anything... I just need to lock it in before my frigging case load starts getting full for that time of year.

To sweeten this a little, I'll go on record now and offer this bet... I'll take Robbo heads up... match play... I'll give him a stroke a hole... STRICT USGA rules... no prefered lies/gimmes (unless actually given)/no lateral drops OB/ etc. We did this chest thumping dance a few years ago, and nothing ever came of it... so I am putting it out there again. I'll give Excal the same action if he wants it. For that action though, we all play the same tees... you either step back to the tips with me, or I move down to the front with you. You can't get 18 strokes and 500 yards. Another variation... same rules/tees, but 12 strokes and I don't hit my driver all day.

Let's make this happen.

MIA again ...

Speaking of no-shows, I hereby present Jonathan "Mary" Kay(e). I propose this to be his official FPGP nickname (proper credit goes to da Bandit).

TTG going to the bank? Not yet, just the Wachovia.

Yeah, I've talked way to much about my boy Tommy "2 Gloves", but now there is reason to mention him again. He is playing this week on the PGA Tour, but it wasn't without some drama.