UPDATE 4/30/07

Here is this week's update... not a lot of big movement other than that created by my and Vic's dumping of DiMarco.

362 ..... Steve T. / Tex
316 ..... Vic / Talonflier
312 ..... Da Bandit
285 ..... Johnny V.
248 ..... Joel / Excal
190 ..... Jeff / Shades
164 ..... Stan the Man
3 ..... Stevie V.
-43 ..... Tev
-55 ..... Krust
-122 ..... Robbo / Buzz
-200 ..... Timmy D. / Bimma
-201 ..... Murph / MG

What a dog fight for last place!!!

Byron Nelson Weekend

What a weekend... quick summary:

Thursday: Spent the morning following JG's group at Cottonwood. Shades and I were like a couple school girls after that birdie-birdie start. Spent the afternoon over at TPC following random players. My wife, Shades, Stan the Man and I had dinner with JG and MG on Thursday night... big fun.

Friday: Two rounds of golf... the second was at TPC Craig Ranch. JG pulled some strings for me and the boys and got us out there. Amazing. We are eternally grateful, and actually felt bad that we were playing a better track than JG was that day. :-) By day's end, Shades was in an 8-down hole to me, and another friend had shot a cumulative 204 for 36. Yowzas.

Saturday: Spent the day at the Nelson... bounced from JG's group to various beer tents, then did the "Dallas thing" and spent the afternoon at the Pavillion looking at the beautiful people, drinking too much, and getting a scorching sun burn. The gang came back to Chez New Tex where we had a little BBQ and Beerfest late into the night.

Sunday: One last round of golf. I closed out Shades 8 and 7, but he took my friend Jim for $25 in the Sucker Bet of the Century. My friend Shane (Mr. 204) took me for a dinner bet though... I gave him a stroke a hole in match play, and the fucker hit an iron off every tee. Bastard. He beat me 2 and 1. I knew I was in trouble when I was even par through 7 holes on the back 9 and couldn't get on him. Note to self. A shot a hole in match play is a ton. Shane missed a 3 footer for par on the last hole and carded a 96. That is an even 300 for 3 rounds. His new nickmane is "Earl Anthony." You just can't make this stuff up.

The worst thing about a weekend like that... The Monday Morning Reality. Ugh.

I'll have an FPGP update for you guys later today... Shades is en route to Charleston, so don't expect a "pretty" one until tomorrow or later tonite.

Trades

Vic is dumping DiMarco and picking up Ryan Moore.

I am dumping DiMarco and picking up JG.

So it is written, so it shall be done.

Vic and New Tex Trades

Vic apparently didn't get the message about telling Jeff about trades... I had one that I wanted to pull the trigger on this week, and thankfully it was not the exact same trade.

I sent Jeff my trade info, so if you have a trade to do this week, let me, him, or both of us know and we'll get it posted late night.

Toe down

Now that Kuehne decided to play an event, I thought that perhaps Kaye would surface. But no!!! Come on Jonathan, it's gut check time, and I need points!!!

The Pain Train Departs Thursday at 8:30...

The tee times for the Nelson were just released... JG goes at 8:30 at Cottonwood on Thursday... seems like a good starting spot to me... the easier of the two courses, 4th group out... I smell a low number, and I doubt it is coming from Robert Gamez or Scott Verplank.

I know it was a long shot... but I was reallllllly hoping for a JG / Trashcan pairing.

Meanwhile, Shaun Micheel is paired with Chris Couch... I told Shades that he better hope that the right guys shoot 78 and 68 in that group. Then again, it could be fun to watch Shades crying like a baby at a golf course without a golf club in his hand.

The Mickelson / Singh pairing will draw the big crowds over at the TPC... but the savvy golf fans (that is, me and Shades) will be following JG across the street. He has Kuchar in the group in front of him, so I may need to give him a little pep talk as well.

He's no Tim Couch.... Yet!

I'm a Hank Kuehne or Craig Perks top 10 away from making some real noise in this thing. Oh and by-the-way Mr. Couch. I dropped Axe because he and his pink head covers (not that there is anything wrong with that) seemed happy with just making the cut. Your stats were much better than his, but don't start pulling the same deal as Axe. You and most golf fans know that your little cross handed chip-in last year at the NOLA event was about as lucky as winning the lottery. You did get some decent coin for that even though you sure did look like you wanted to just have a top 10 in that event last year. Let's see you win again. Maybe this time without having to rely on all that luck at the end. When Gut-check is better on my team than you, we have a problem. At least try to be better than the other known Couch. He didn't last long in his sport and your window on the PGA looks even shorter.

Mr. Couch, please understand that you are not the sole reason for the demise of my FPGP team. But when Craig Perks and Hank Kuehne haven't even played in 1 event and have more FPGP points (and those are far more important than FEDEX points) we have to try to light a fire under you butt.

2007 Results: Chris Couch

UPDATE 4/23/07

No change in the top 3 money positions, but it is getting a little tighter under the cut line.

A Special Feeling

I know this is a golf blog but since New Tex has a bet going with somebody that involves golf and face painting, I think it fits.

A Pro in Every Sense of the Word.

What can I say? JG is the man. Can't putt worth a lick, but "the man" nonetheless. Ha!

In all seriousness, it was a very humbling experience. The man is an amazing golfer, but an even better "guy." We had a ton of laughs, mostly at my expense, and I got to watch some jaw dropping drives. The man is seriously intimidating off the tee, unless you are not intimidated by 310 yard ropes that are consistently down the sprinkler line, and that is not even close to being an exaggeration. There are two par 4s at the TPC Craig Ranch that are "driveable"... he hit it stiff on one, and was a bad bounce away from stiff on the other. I mean, the man doesn't try to drive the greens... he tries to hit it close from 330. That's just sick, and frankly, intimidating.

The best thing that happened to me in the match was winning the toss for the first tee. I pull hooked one left and JG hit one in a decent spot. From 129 and over a tree or two, I stuck it in there about 15 feet. The putt was uphill and left to right... after JG missed his birdie putt, he said "looks dead down hill and right edge, eh?" Perfect. Now I knew we'd be giving shit to each other! I missed the putt, but it was a "stroke hole" so I was suddenly 1 up. I continued to scramble around and JG couldn't make a putt, so my 1 up lead was good for a while. On 6, I duck hooked one on a par 5. JG was gracious enough to ask if I wanted to hit another one, but I didn't, as my ball was still in play. He blasted it about 320 dead down the middle. I hit a decent 3-wood back into play. His 2nd shot came up short in a bunker. My sand wedge was about 25 feet past the pin, and he blasted out to about 8 feet. This was the critical point in the "match." I figured I had to make mine... and I did! I gave a little victory dance and what not... I think I told him to "hit it close" with his putt. And he just nailed it dead center. Ouch. I guess I'll get to go to my grave saying "I forced a Tour Pro to make an 8-footer to avoid going 2-down to me"... as if that means something.

On the next hole, he hit it stiff with his driver... sick... just sick. I clearly woke up a sleeping giant. I joked "hey, you pushed it you hack"... as if I could rattle the dude that just hit it 6 feet from 330... He missed his putt, but I made a slappy par, so we were even. I actually won the next hole clean (i.e., no strokes) with a par, and I was 1 up thru 7. The erratic (i.e., God Awful) driver caught up to me, and JG won 8 and 9. One down thru 9. The real problem was that he got the damned tee... you want tough? Follow JG off the tee. He is a machine. The man can drive his golf ball... of course, I pressed, trying to keep up, which is stupid... and hit the ball all over the course.

I was dormie 4 on the 15th tee... 190 yard par 3, playing dead down wind. JG hit 7 iron about 20 feet past the hole. I hit 8-iron (woot!!!) about 12 feet pin high... he missed and I had a putt to continue the match, but left it short right... just like the amateur hack I am. Four and three... a pretty sound whooping.

I really don't know what we shot, as I was focused on the holes... I know I turned in 39, and JG was even or 1-under. I think I was 41 or 42 on the back, and he was another 1 or 2 under. So, 80-81 for me, 70-71 for him, and he never made a putt. The man cut through a 7000 yard track in 30 mph wind like a hot knife through butter, and I was just trying to survive.

In terms of the more important things... the man is a prince. Many a "good shot" were sent my way, even when I'd hit it 30 feet long with a sand wedge, or something else that was clearly not a "good shot" by his standards. Many laughs were had... can you believe he actually printed out my/our comments and brought them to the course???... all in good fun.

We all get behind this guy because he has proven to be way cool on the blog... I mean, let's face it, he didn't run into a JG Fan Club site. But seriously... this is one of the good guys. He's someone worth rooting for. He can golf the hell out of his ball, he can be gracious and funny, and he can sling back a few beers at your house after a round. Truly a pro, and overall super guy. I for one am humbled by the grace and overall character of the man.

Now get it done this week big guy... we'll have one helluva victory party for you!

Call from the turn (JG vs NT)

All Square thru 9.

On Being the Prohibitive Underdog...

I got my inspiration... watch out JG!

Prediction

I say that New Tex loses by hole #14, and that's being kind! Anyone else wanna jump in before the news breaks?

Tiger Is An Ass

The field for the Byron Nelson was just released, and Tiger is not on it. A common thought is that "Tiger doesn't like the courses" but I find that to be horseshit. He won here in 98, and he played almost every year (never finishing out of the top 10) until he acually (gasp) missed the cut at the Nelson a couple years ago, breaking his ridiculous streak of made cuts. He didn't play last year.

Normally, I defend Tiger and his selection of tourneys... but this is an event which will HONOR one of the great figures in golf. Mickelson... here. Singh... here. Garcia... here. Luke Donald... here. The list goes on and on. In fact, just about every prominent American player seems to be in the field. Even HANK "OH MY BACK" KUEHNE is teeing it up, and he may need to be fitted for traction after his first round.

I think this is pretty classless on Tiger's part. Byron passed away last fall, which means there has been ample opportunity to change / affect schedules and what not. For a man who is chasing history, his absence from this year's Nelson shows a lack of appreciation for that history. Shame on you Tiger.

Na done gone!

The spirits have spoken. Na has withdrawn from the event in New Orleans. Coincidence, I think not!!!

New Trade Policy / Eat Crow Open Update

To keep things on the up and up, please send all future trade requests to Jeff... since I am in the thick of it, and still have a trade to make myself, I think I'd have an unfair advantage if people sent me their trade info. I don't want to be labeled "Bandit 2."


The Eat Crow Open is set for late Sunday afternoon. Rumor has it that JG is letting me choose the format. Pretty confident for a guy hopping off a plane and going to the golf course. Clearly he has no respect for my match play record during my senior year in h.s. (14-2). Sure, that was almost 20 years ago, and I played a bunch of no-talent hacks in Massachusetts, but that is not the point. Still, although I think my best format is probably "drink a beer after every hole" that is probably not appropriate. We'll go with "match play, please... thanks."


What is the over under on what hole JG closes me out? And if any of you say "10th" I am going to be very hurt. If JG says "10th" then it is on!!! Ha! Yeah, right... ugh.


If possible, I'll call Jeff with the status after the front nine, so he can post a little "live scoring" here. As always, no news will be bad news for me. I don't know that I am going to take the time to call with a "yeah, JG shot 32 on the front to my 43, and I am 8 down with 9 to play... time to press" message. My best play may be to suffer an Al Czervik-esque injury, and get Danny Noonan to sub for me.


On that note, I will be seeking advice from my spiritual guru this weekend. No, not my friggin sports psychologist friend. Carl Spackler!

Shades Makes Trade: Axley Gets Axed

Shades is dumping Eric Axley for Jason Schultz.

This trade will be effective for this week, and reflected in our next update.

So it is written... so it shall be done.

Trade?????

Hey, what happened to the trade that was "announced" by da Commish? Has this mysterious post gone the way of White House emails!?!?

Eat Crow Open, 2007

FPGPers,

While the network cameras will be tuned to the golf in New Orleans this weekend, there is much bigger match occuring in the Dallas area. As you will surely recall, our pal JG started commenting on the blog one fateful day in June, after I posted something to the effect of "I could beat him if he gave me two shots a side" and he retorted with a "I'll take that bet." Well... it's gonna happen.

MG and I had talked about all of us getting together next week for dinner, and I couldn't help but put out the "offer" to play with JG if he was skipping the NOLA tourney. Not only was there a gracious acceptance of my offer, but a counter offer to play out at the TPC Craig Ranch course (which is likely the future home of the Byron Nelson tourney). Wow. So there you have it... New Tex v. JG. The Big Mouth vs. The Big Bomber.

I have but two conditions for the match, and of course, since I am the one with the big mouth, will accept my fate if these conditions are not agreed to.

1. I have no desire to play from the 7500 yard "PGA Tour" tees. The 7000 yard "Championship Tees" are about as much golf course as I can chew on.

2. Match play gives me a slugger's chance, as I will surely blow up on a couple holes... Vegas has me as a 30:1 underdog in a stroke play format... 8:1 in match play. Let's make it competitive JG!

I'll accept my fate if JG wants to play stroke play from the tips... I guess this is my pathetic way of asking for some mercy, and in a public format. Shit, I really am pathetic.

UPDATE 4/16/07

Well, Johnny V.'s stay at the top was short-lived... even the most powerful mojo/voodoo couldn't keep Kevin Na from sailing Da Bandit and New Tex right by him. Mr. Na also propelled Jeff right into the middle of the pack, where he has little chance of winning, and even less chance of finishing dead last. Maybe if Kuehne can just get off the pain train... or ask Kelli to play in his stead. Ouch.



And we have a helluva battle going on for last place also!

Where to play during the FPGP Open (poll)

Prior to voting please know that there are 7 choices. I took the top 7 from the golf digest "top 50" review of MB golf courses. Of the top courses I did not include those in NC and those that were not in Myrtle Beach except for True Blue, which is in Pawley's Island.

Best Wishes

To Mr. Na:
Bon chance demain, heh, heh, heh .....

We need to get Jam Boy in the FPGP

Here is his latest blog posting. For those that don't know who Jam Boy is, he is a caddy at some golf course in I think Tennessee.

Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, Hey Hey...

Ok, enough already. In an attempt to either change the direction of my FPGP team or get me into a last place finish, I am going to start trying to reverse jinx my guys. Nothing else is working, so why not.

GO KEVEN NA, GO! GO LOW!

UPDATE 4/9/07

Goosen shoots Johnny V. to top of leaderboard!

New Tex Takes Down Excalibur!

It waddn't perty... but I'll take it.

Excal only had three players make the cut.

Furyk, who finished tied with my Singh,... push
Mickelson, who finished tied with my Ogilvy... push
And Chaz Howell, who was bested by a stroke by both my DL3 and Adam Scott...

So, by a narrow margin, New Tex triumphs!

That's fitty.

And the Winner of the First Major is...

The Rodent is the winner and takes a narrow lead into U.S. Open. With the U.S Open rough and slick greens, picking stable (make the cut) players will be the key to survival. Congratulations Robbo, the rodent gets the last laugh!

Robbo - 1174 (289, Toms/72*, Stenson/72*, Scott/72*, Singh/73*, Mickelson/77)
Talonflier - 1177 (290, Casey/71*, Scott/72*, Singh/73*, Howell III/74*, Mickelson/77)
Vodoo - 1179 (286, Goosen/69*, Cabrera/71*, Donald/73*, Singh/73*, Olazabal/77)
Boca Bandit - 1196 (294, Cabrera/71*, Ogilvy/73*, Singh/73*, Mickelson/77*)

Rodent Scurries Ahead by Two, Smells Cheese...Needs Shower

Moving Day (at least at the bottom of the tank)

The Bandit was done in by Ogilvy's Tin Cup impression on #15 and we now see how important it is to have a full stable of options to facilitate dumping a high score or two. With 3 common players on Talonflier and Robbo teams, it is really a 2v2 with Howell III and Casey going against Toms and Stenson for this Major and the $40 prize. Still Vodoo could rise from the grave and snatch victory if his stable puts up four very good scores. The Bandit is looking to stop the bleeding because these scores carry over for the season title, the "Protective Cup". The good news is the scores carryover for the Cup, but you pick new players each Major.

Robbo - 885 (300, Mickelson/73*, Toms/74*, Scott/76*, Stenson/77*, Singh/79)

Talonflier- 887 (301, Mickelson/73*, Howell III/75*, Scott/76*, Casey/77*, Singh/79)

Vodoo - 893 (302, Goosen/70*, Donald/75*, Olazabal/78*, Cabrera/79*, Singh/79)

Boca Bandit - 902 (312, Mickelson/73*, Cabrera/79*, Singh/79*, Ogilvy/81*)

Cubs and the World Series

Catsup and hot dogs

Peace and the Middle East

Bleach and ammonia

And now; Philp and the Masters

Cash in your winnings folks, Armageddon is not far away!!!

Round 2 Round Up

Rodent's lead has the half life of Cialis and it's not very big to start. Some scary moments as some of us were within a whisper of not fielding a full team for the last two rounds (BTW, the rule is you get the score of the higest pro in the field for each day if you are short a player). Everyone lost Els, and the Bandit watched Chad Campbell exit early (guess he needs some more hormone shots). Vodoo has vaulted into last place.

Robbo - 585 (296, Singh/71*, Mickelson/73*, Els/76*, Stenson/76*, Toms/78, Scott/78)

Talonflier - 586 (288, Casey/68*, Singh/71*, Mickelson/73*, Els/76*, Howell III/77, Scott/78)

Boca Bandit - 590 (289, Ogilvy/70*, Singh/71*, Mickelson/73*, Cabrera/75*, Els/76, C.Campbell/77)

Vodoo - 591 (Singh/71*, Donald/74*, Olazabal/75*, Cabrera/75*, Goosen/76, Els/76)

Dear Bret Wetterich

CUT IT OUT!

Uh, have you seen your swing? Seriously dude... you can't play like this at Augusta. Can't do it. Not for four days. So, let's make a deal... how about you continue to score well for a few more holes, and then you just tank. Everyone will understand, because your swing looks like it is taking place in a phone booth. You'll still have great stories to tell the grandkids... "back in 07, I was leading The Master's halfway through the 2nd round... then I shot 80-82, but that's not important."

Anyway... just start playing like that swing should dictate...

Kthanks,
Steve

Robbo Charges Into the Early Lead

Today's Round-Up

Robbo -289 (Scott/74*, Toms/70*, Stenson/72*, Singh/73*, Els/78, Mickelson/76)

Vodoo -296 (Donald/73*, Olazabal/74*, Singh/73*, Goosen/76*, Cabrera/77, Els/78)

Talonflier -298 (Singh/73*, Scott/74*, Howell III/75*, Mickelson/76*, Casey/79, Els/78)

Boca Bandit -301 (Singh/73*, Mickelson/76*, Ogilvy/75*, Cabrera/77*, C.Campbell/77, Els/78)

* denotes round used in score

No Justice

In case you didn't know already, Joel/Excal is at The Masters today. I find this to be completely ironic, as I've never met anyone with such blatant disregard for the rules and traditions of golf, and there he is at the most hallowed grounds! This is a guy who routinely carries 18-20 clubs in his bag (several drivers, putters, and wedges, none of which have ever been struck solidly), routinely tees the ball up 3 feet in front of the tee markers, and despite all of this, has never hit a ball more than 220 yards. HE is at The Masters.

Well, as the man would say...

NO JUSTICE!

Kids

I was at the driving range tonite and heard the funniest exchange between two little kids on the putting green. I guess they were having a little putting contest amongst themselves, and one kid says "I'll be Tiger Woods... you're Phil Mickelson."

The other kid yells "I don't want to be Phil Mickelson!!!"

I almost peed my pants.

Golf Anyone?

Hey Florida FPGPers... I am going to be in Daytona on May 22nd for work... Would anyone be interested in playing golf on the afternoon of the 21st? I have no clue if any of you are close or not, but I'd probably be able to get into Daytona on the 21st sometime in the morning, and we could tee it up in the afternoon.

Master's Side Bet

OK Joel/Excal... let's do this thing. $50 for best team, $25 if you pick the winner. Five players each, no Tiger, highest combined earnings wins. I'll even let you pick first.

UPDATE 4/2/07

Here are this week's numbers... that little Shit From McKinney continues to screw me in this frigging pool... on the strength of Hunter Mahan's performance in Houston, Vic has leapfrogged me and landed in 3rd place. Bandit continues to hold a slight margin (and a trade) over Stevie V.

284 ..... Da Bandit
277 ..... Johnny V.
229 ..... Vic / Talonflier
209 ..... Stevie T. / Tex
161 ..... Joel / Excal
134 ..... Stan the Man
32 ..... Stevie V.
17 ..... Jeff / Shades
15 ..... Krust
-14 ..... Tev
-92 ..... Robbo / Buzz
-132 ..... Timmy D.
-209 ..... Murph

No pretty pictures this week

I will be skiing in Idaho this week. So I will not be posting any of the images (team data and such). If you need that data, email New Tex. I'm sure he would love to forward that info on to you per your request.

Bogus Basin Mountain (link)

Quad

Ugh... long story short, I played with Krust today out in his neck of the woods (Mansfield National). A decent, but pretty easy course that was playing way too short... I should have played the tips. Thru 15, I was +1 and seemingly in complete control. Then the 16th hole happened. A wonderful 9... A Quad. A Near Double Par. Finished with a 78 despite that atrocity.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Masters Challenge

After many years of trial and error I believe I have found the best tournament pool format for the Majors; tell me if your interested? It relies on the standard college match format with each team consisting of six players, each day you record the best four scores of your team (4 out of 6)and that becomes your day total, add your four days together and you have you tournament score...low tournament score wins. It gets interesting in the pro format because you can lose a player if he fails to make the cut meaning you have one less round to choose from in making your low four. A tie is broken by match of cards of the last day's round in reverse order (18 backwards) of the opposing #1 players on the two tied teams (almost never occurs). My proposal is this: $20 per team (one per FPGPer) per Major ($80 total); $10 of which goes to the pot for that Major and $10 carries over to the pot for the lowest total for all four Majors. You can pick a new team each Major, you must declare one player as your #1, Tiger is not available for anyone. Thoughts? I will send the money up front because I know it upsets New Tex to have his piles confused; being a federal employee I have no problem with circular accounting--- I manage the Social Security lock box.