Sorry for the delay. My home network is f'd up. I'm on my neighbor's wifi. Wow does he have a lot of porn on his pc. I'll post his credit card numbers later.

Update (non-fancy variety)

Jeff is having router problems at home so here is a non-fancy update. Hopefully he can get that problem figured out, and get us the more extensive updates you have come to expect and love.

Rob Da Rodent -------------- 338
Tiger Philp --------------------316
Johnny V. ---------------------200
Stevie V. -----------------------162
Da Bandit ---------------------137
Vic ------------------------------130
Stan the Man -----------------113
Jumpin Jeff -------------------37
Stevie T. ---------------------- -6
Fraser --------------------- -144

Update Coming..

I have put together the newest update and sent it to Jeff... it should be posted later today. Let me say a few things before then:

1. No more Gossett Corollary... everyone counts now. If you have a guy who hasn't made a dime, his money ranking is 214.

2. My team is getting ready to pounce. Afterall, at -6 total points, they have no place to go but up.

3. Da Bandit is making a slow move towards the top.

4. "Tour Star" Danny Ellis' lousy $12k gives him about 50 points, so Tiger Philp has pretty much closed the gap with Da Rodent.

5. Fraser has now made two very big mistakes. First, he let Joel marry his daughter. Second, he let Joel make his FPGP picks. I may have to go through the archives to see if there is a lower score ever posted than his for this week.

We're In The Wrong Line of Work

Everyone could have done as well as Stephen Ames did today, and picked up the fat paycheck for just showing up. Isn't there an unwritten rule that if you lose 9-8, the only honorable recourse is to commit harikari (or, alternatively, to take the money & drink like Harry Carry). The FPGPers with that bum on their team should feel proud that he earned some cash, but I'd be concerned about the stiff down the road to nowhere.

Leaderboards

The shit I do for you wankers...

Because there are two official events this week, I put links to BOTH leaderboards on our sidebar. Match Play Championship starts today, Tucson starts tomorrow. Here's hoping for a DJ Trahan/Hunter Mahan playoff in Arizona, while Retief Goosen wins the Match Play tourney at the same time.

Non-Fancy Update

Remember the good old days, when we didn't have this great blog space? All you wankers would get from me was an email with a leaderboard... well, here is a retro-update for everyone. Jeff may still be in Disney, and I don't want you wankers crying about not getting an update... so, here is a quick leaderboard. Expect the fancy stuff back up when Jeff gets back this week.


Rob Da Rodent---------------367
Tiger Philp------------------ 264
Johnny V. -------------------261
Stevie V. --------------------237
Stan the Man ----------------177
Vic --------------------------83
Steve T. ---------------------75
Da Bandit --------------------65
Fraser ---------------------- -1
Jumpin Jeff --------------- -19

There is some irony here... you know, the FPGP jinx, whereby a player toots his own horn (or in this case posts a "hearing footsteps" blog, and then drops out of the money. Good stuff. The emergence of Jimmy "Dynomite" Walker helped push Tiger Philp forward into 2nd place. Otherwise, not a lot of big moves on the board.

As an aside, the Gossett Corollary will be lifted next week. I've wanted to give this a couple months, and also give the international wankers a chance to get money on the board. With the stupid match play tourney next week, that accomplishes both goals. Therefore, if a player is not on the money list, their official ranking for the FPGP will be The Lowest Posted Ranking + 1.

Hearing footsteps

Speaking of sounds, the thumping noise being heard by da Rodent is the movement upwards by the hungry team of Steve V.!!! Watch out ya hairy rat, this team eats nutrea and other varmints for snacks --- Steve "movin' on up" V.

That choking sound you hear is Mike Weir and Luke Donald. WOW my team really, really, really sucks. I thought we picked 7 short players and 1 up player. Thank god for Fred Funk.

Heading Out Of Town

I'll be out of town from Sunday until Thursday, so there may be no update this week. Jumpin Jeff, feel free to do it yourself if you want to. If not, you wankers can wait a week.

Did Tiger Phlp Pick The Wrong Ellis?

Only time will tell. As of the time of this post, John Ellis is -4 and Danny "Tour Star" Ellis is at even par. You can track them here, just click on the name to see how each player is doing:

John Ellis versus Danny "Tour Star" Ellis

And yes Jeff, this is an appropriate use of a title posed as a question.

A few random thoughts from the today's round (so far).

1. Stan the Man finally got one of his "limeys" to play in a tourney and play well. He is the only guy with Luke Donald, and could get a windfall of points this week with that pick.

2. Let me go ahead and jinx it right now... How 'bout that DJ Trahan? -4 in his round (so far today).

3. How bad is Alex Cejka? Wow.

4. Jason Gore is off to his typical start... a few under par. The inevitable collapse is as much of a foregone conclusion as his inevitable myocardial infarction.

That's all for now gang...

When is the Pebble Beach tournament on tv?

Golf Lesson: Visual Imagery

Most pros and accomplished amateurs as well as virtually all sports psychologist would tell you that one key to a succesful golf shot is to have positive mental imagery. The goal is to picture the shot as you would like it to travel. By seeing it's flight and imagining the contact on the club, you are more likely to execute a good swing.

New technology has allowed us to peer into some of the Tour's most famous golfers minds and taking a peek at their mental imagery. Gentleman, I present to you the first ever look into Jason Gore's mind, moments before executing a golf swing.

















Hmmmm... this explains a lot.

Who in the FPGP doesn't like Beer?

Danny Ellis is in the Field

No waiting around on the alternate list this week for Tiger Philp's favorite Clemson Tiger. There are a few interesting proposition bet possibilities this week.

1. Will he make the cut?
2. Will he be the "low Ellis?" As it turns out, there is also a John Ellis in the field, although he has no info. available on PGAtour.com.
3. Will his play make us forget Jason Gore?

Time will tell...

A couple quick thoughts:

I noticed that Tiger is not playing this week. How does he skip the AT&T? That makes no sense to me at all.

I see that Jumpin' Jeff's trade-pick, Greg Owen, is in the field. Turns out that Owen finished 3rd in this event last year, and netted almost 30% of his entire 2005 earnings here. For Jeff's sake, he better have a good week or he may end up giving us old FPGPers reason to forget the Garbriel Hjerstatdt trade.

UPDATE 2/5/06

J.J. Henry

How can this Dudley DoRight-looking wanker be leading a PGA tourney??? His biggest accomplishment before this was probably making Eagle Scout.

--- Steve V

FPGP RULE: The Greg Owen Clause

For the sake of clarity, I am going to make an addendum to the rules which is probably implicit, but I feel the need to clarify. A trade is executed when you send me an email indicating who you want and who you want to dump. That means if you send it on Wednesday night, you get the new player's standing on the money list at that point. If you send it Thursday a.m. before the tourney starts, or anytime during the tourney, you will not get the points/money from that tourney. Effectively the trade will be executed for the next PGA Tour stop.

If you make a trade, and the player craps out that week, you are shit out of luck. This is an issue because Jumpin Jeff was joking about "sending my money back and I can repick Owen next week" after he slips in the money rankings this week. There has never been an explicit rule about that kind of behavior, so to be absolutely clear, the Greg Owen Clause is as follows:

1. You make a trade, you live with it. You cannot back out on a trade for any reason.
2. If you do not get the money to the Commish within a week, the trade is null and void (that was already understood).
3. NO HEDGING. That is, you cannot ask for a trade then see the guy missed the cut, and simply not pay. If you do so, YOU LOSE YOUR TRADE RIGHTS. The trade will not go through (per #2 above) and you do not get to make another one.

I would hope that no one would try number 3, but just in case...

Aaron Baddeley is an ASS CLOWN!

Just checked the leaderboard to see if any of my idiots made the cut this week... Baddeley was dancing along the line (on the good side) when I checked an hour ago. Now he is nearly at the bottom of the field. How, you ask? Because the fuckstick took a 10 ON A PAR 5. How the hell does that happen? I didn't realize I had Jr. Philp on my team.

Richard Johnson

Ok, if your name was Richard Johnson, which could easily be shortened to Dick Johnson, then to Dick Dick, then simply to Dick-squared (his official moniker during the FPGP), WOULD YOU WEAR YOUR HAIR LIKE THIS?

You can track Dick-squared's peformance this week by clicking here.

FPGP TRADE: Jumpin Jeff Dumps Goose

Jeff informed me that he wishes to execute his trade. He is getting rid of Retief Goosen, and picking up Greg Owen (currently 146). This trade meets the guidelines listed in the rules, and will be effective today, meaning Greg Owen's performance this week WILL count (Jeff sent the email last night).

Make sure you hit my paypal for $20 Jeff... If I don't get payment by next Thursday, the trade is nulled and you lose your ability to make another trade.

Tommy 2 Gloves

For those of you who don't know Tommy "2 Gloves" is a buddy of mine that I worked with when he was the cart guy at a course I used to work at. We've played golf dozens of times and myself and the pro at the course also raised $27,000 to get him on this tour 3 years ago. He may someday get a cup of coffee on the big boy tour, but till then, he's kicking ass on this mini-tour in Florida. He hits the ball about 320 off the tee and has one ugly swing. Maybe you saw him. He was on the lastest version of the men's "Big Break IV" on the golf channel.

http://www.greygoosetour.com/rtjtseries/moneyleaders.html

PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN

No more REPLY ALL emails to the group. Most people do not care about the nonsensical chatter that goes on, which is why this blog/message board was created. I can't help but think that the reason we lose so many 1 time FPGPers is because they get overloaded with all of our stupid emails, and decide it is not worth it.

Further, some of us in the real world have these cute little devices called a "blackberry." When we get email, it buzzes. In the real world, if you have a job that requires a blackberry, and your blackberry buzzes at 10 p.m., that may mean something important, so you jump out of bed to check it out. Stan the Man fell victim to this last night.

If you want an offline conversation about FPGP stuff, feel free... but just send it to the intendend targets. There is absolutely no need to send a "feets don't fail me now" email to everyone in the group. Further, there is no need to REPLY ALL to that email. If you want to bust Robbo's balls, do it on the blog or between yourselves. Each of you has been sent an invitation to join the blog so you can start your own threads, and only a few have signed up. Even without that, anyone can comment on the blog... this should be the beginning and end point of FPGP discussions and other nonsensical stuff.

I am seriously considering the 5 point "REPLY ALL" penalty... Don't make me an evil dictator.

THE COMMISH