LAST YEAR'S MONEY WINNERS
New Tex/Steve: Hey, that's me! I'm your commish, which means I have to deal with all of the bullshit rulings and I also tabulate the updates each week. I'm the current defending champ of this pool, and one of two two-time winners over the pool's 10 year history.
Da Bandit: Also referred to as Da Boca Bandit, this is our career money leader, as far as I can tell. The first member of the two-time winner club, Bandit has cashed in this pool each of the last four years, including a 2nd place finish last year. His nickname comes from his penchance for stealing other player's picks.
Excal/Joel: The man who founded this pool, and also made a late charge last year to finish in da money. The man loves to bet, smoke cigars, drink beer and play golf, although he's only proficient in two of those activities. When he plays, he carries a minimum of 18 clubs, tees the balls from 3 feet in front of the markers, takes all putts inside 5 feet, and hollars "no justice!" at every bad bounce. He also has one helluva mime outfit.
Tev: This is Tev's sophomore season, after a "succesful" rookie season in which he won the Duffer Award, a one-time prize for the last place finisher in the pool. He's an in-law of Jeff, but is otherwise a good guy and pretty quiet. Don't expect a lot of chatter from Tev.
RETURNING VETERANS
Shades/Jeff: My right hand man at FPGP Central. Jeff is the person who maintains the blog and makes the updates "pretty". If you are ever on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, make sure you add Jeff to your "call a friend" list, because you might just get a question on the swing weight in Tag Ridings driver... and Jeff would know it. Jeff is 0 for life in the blog, which is to say he is our greatest contributor.
Murph/MG03/JG59: Murph is the money person making picks for a certain Tour family, who's name is never to be uttered on this blog. MG fears being the Janet Gretzky of the golf world. We thought this team would have a ton of inside information last year, but not so much. We expect big things out of them this year though.
Talonflier/Vic: This is Vic's 3rd season in the pool. Last year he had slight hold on 3rd place money, but his team collapsed after the Fed Ex Cup finals, prompting him to petition a "let's end this pool after the Fed Ex Cup!!!" request. Despite being a Yankee fan, he's quite funny. Some of you youngins may need a dictionary to understand his posts.
CASWAS: This is Jeff's second
Stevie V.: An FPGP veteran who was awful in his early years but has come into prominence as of late. He's a colleague of Rob/Rodent, he knows Bandit "professionally", and his brother is also in the pool. Needless to say, he is a great slinger of da smack.
Johnny V.: Brother to Stevie V., and legendary man about town in New Orleans. Let's his picks do the talking, and never contributes to the blog.
Rob/Rodent/Diddler: It takes a special man to have this many nicknames. I won't get into why some of his friends call him "da rodent", but he's known as "da diddler" for making late decisions and having to ask his wife if he can spend money. The man does like to gamble though, so if you are looking for side bet action, look no further. Robbo and I were in a virtual dead heat in the 1st ever FPGP with one week to go, a year when we played "winner take all". I offered him a draw right before the last tourney started and he declined... and lost his half of an $800 pot. Like I said... the man likes to gamble.
Stan the Man: A colleague of mine who doesn't contribute to the blog.
ROOKIES
Shane/Jay/Da Rooks: Shane is a friend of mine from Illinois who was too cheap/scared to enter his own team, so he hedged with his neighbor, Jay. Together, they are "da rooks". At least they got the "da" part correct.
David/Mark: Another two-headed team, David is a colleague of mine from New York (yes, another fucking Yankee fan) who pulled in his old college roomate to put together a team. Special note: Mark is running a death pool this year, so you know these guys are twisted.
Drew/The Shize: Drew is Jay's brother, and he wants to call his team "The Shize". Ugh. Thanks for the donations rookie.
Ryan: A co-worker of Jay. I know nothing of this man.
AND A SURPRISE...
Da Dummy: YES! Da Dummy is back! Old-timers may remember when I used to draw random players for a Dummy picks team. Dummy doesn't contribute or win the pool, but he does set the benchmark for awful picks. I mean, if you can't beat a randomly generated team of players, how horrible are your picks?
GROUND RULES
Feel free to egg each other on, talk smack, etc. If you personally know someone, feel free to flame them... but don't flame people you don't know. If the shit-talking gets out of hand between people who are strangers, or if anything truly offensive is put up on the blog, I reserve the right to kick your ass off the blog and make you sit quietly in the corner. That said, your money is in and no matter how much of a shit you may be, you're in the pool for the entire year. Just be cool on the blog. For example, it's ok for the Florida guys (bandit, stevie v., rob) to give each other all the crap they want... but if a rookie jumps on and goes over the line, I'm shutting you down. Keep the shit talking to comments about the picks, and all is well.
25 comments:
I recommend changing the dummy team name to the "Dart Throwing Monkey." I used this moniker one year in my FF league. If you recall the myriad experiments undertaken to demonstrate the poor efficacy of investment advisors relative to pure randomness and or novices...this is one example. They got a chimp to pick stocks by pinning the newspaper stock listings to a dart board and unleashing the primate so he could hurl prognosticating darts a the target paper. The dart-throwing monkey's selections (ten I believe) were then compared to three "experts" and their buckets of ten stocks. As you may have guessed, the little hair bag not only excelled at eating bugs off his buddies and random sessions of sewing machine speed masturbation, he beat all the "experts" and almost doubled the average return of his more evolved opponents. In honor of this anthropomorphic hero, I humbly recommend we changethe da Dummy team name to the Dart-Throwing Monkey.
And yes before the early season fecal-flinging begins with me as an early target...I am aware there is a difference between a chimpanzee and a monkey 1)chimps typically have no tail and 2) Vodoo has never slept with a monkey. SPLAT!
What's up all? This is Jay from Da Rooks. I thought I'd give you a little more background on the other players I am familiar with in this league.
We'll start with Drew(a.k.a Schize), my brother. Other than the fact that he's openly gay, he has qualities that most of you would enjoy. He's a gambler, drinker, pole smoker(oh, I already told you that), huge sports fan, and a sub-par golfer. He's a Cubs fan(as am I) and lives in Chicago.
Ryan is a co-worker of mine(we are fellow Anheuser-Busch beer salesmen). All you need to know about Ryan is that he is the "Burger King" master(I'll explain), which has taught most of his closest friends and family to not believe a friggin' word he says. The story originated sometime back in Ryan's high school days. Evidently Ryan was eating lunch at McDonalds, but told his buddy Jeff he was eating at Burger King. Jeff drove by and saw that he was indeed eating McDonalds instead of Burger King and hasn't believed a word he has said since. If you knew Ryan you would understand and appreciate this story a little more. He really does fib for no apparent reason. Other than that minor hiccup, Ryan is a stand up guy that enjoys all sports like most of us. He will be attending the Bob Hope Classic in Cali. in a few weeks(unless he's "Burger Kinging" me again!)
Shane is my partner in crime and neighbor. I've known Shane for many, many years. Too many years to be exact. He too is a big sports fan and an avid golfer. I guess playing every day of the summer qualifies you as an avid golfer, right? Shane also enjoys smoking an occasional pole, but we won't get into that.
Good Luck to all. This should be a lot of fun.
Jay and Ryan. Be prepared tp be smoozed by Excal (Joel) given your line of work.
Talon... great recommendation on the name. Consider it changed. Also, I did the picks for the Dart Throwing Monkey this morning, and am happy to announce that team right now, but first, the methods.
I used a random number generator at random.org. I didn't want to make this completely random, but rather, constrain it the way someone who read the rules would go about their picks. Therefore, I asked that the random number generator pick me 4 numbers from 1-40, and I arbitrarily decided that the 3rd number that came up would be the short pick. The numbers represent last year's money list position. I then had the random number generator pick me 5 numbers from 41-256. On the first rotation, I had to toss out a couple guys who were "picked" but didn't have cards (Loren Roberts and "Tour Pro" Danny Ellis), so I reset the system to give me 2 more picks from 41-256. That gave me 9 legit players, with one short pick. And frankly, I like this team better than I like my own.
Da Dart Throwing Monkey:
Brian Davis
Jim McGovern
Rod Pampling
Justin Rose
Henrik Stenson
Steve Stricker
Chris Stroud
Boo Weekely
Aaron Baddeley (short)
That's a pretty reasonable roster, and I bet it beats a few FPGPers this year. I am particularly upset that the friggin random numberator hit on Jim McGovern, and I totally missed him. Son of a bitch.
Jay: Good to have you guys on board. I am glad you described Shane as an "avid" golfer... given his 6 rounds with me this year, none of which broke 90, "avid" is about the most flattering description I could think of! Send me ryan's email so I can get him set up on the blog.
The budweiser boys could hit their quarterly quota if they spent a weekend with Excal.
and there's our first spam comment of 2008!
Jay... got it... I'm deleting your comment so his email addy isn't hanging out there on the internet.
This is unbelievable...you have the audacity to censor cyber comments and then threaten to "ground" those who talk smack! You are a complete pussy and this blog should be relegated to Disney's website! Veteran or not, I/we are equals and no one will be spared...BEYOTCHES!
P.S. This is Shane...your daddy.
Douchebag,
The point was to avoid saying offensive shit to people you don't know yet. You know, a little fucking decorum.
And yes, you are my daddy... you proved once again your golf prowess. Oh wait a second... golf isn't like lifting weights where big numbers are good... hmmm...
Now that I have Jay's attention also, maybe he can speak to this rennaissance that is your golf game. Jay, does Shane actually break 90 at Olin? (he says he breaks 80, but there is no chance of that). If so, how many holes are we talking about? 14? 15? Also, what tees is he playing? How many reloads/mulligans/breakfast balls/etc? Because we've played 6 rounds of golf this year, and his average is in the mid/high 90s, and that is being generous (I mean, what do you assign on a hole where someone has taken 7 strokes and picks up 30 yards from the green?).
p.s. I "censored" that comment so Ryan's email wasn't floating around... if you want to put up personal info for yourself, feel free... happy to leave your bank accounts and social security numbers on the blog!
To take a quote from Calcavecchia, "golf is not a sport that takes athleticism." You are a better golfer than I will probably ever be, unless your eating habits and current blood pressure remain unchanged and your stroke debilitates you. Fortunatley for you this not a raquetball, agility, or general fitness blog or you would be low man on totem pole. Speaking of poles...how was lunch?
I know you, so do I get grounded for this?
The issue here is not whether or not I can beat you on the golf course... it's whether you are as good as you say you are. You saying you shoot in the high 70s (legit) at a course like Olin is like me saying I ate a salad for lunch and then went to the gym and benched 300 pounds, swam a few laps, and then won a racquetball tourney.
Imagine I've IMed you all summer about how much I was working out, how strong I was, etc... and then I couldn't throw half the weight I claimed I did when I visited you at your gym. You'd chuckle, I'm sure, and you'd be right to.
Now, let me get back to my 2nd lunch before dinner rolls around. Mmmmmm... dinner rolls.
I thought my FPGP picks were the official "dummy" picks.
Cubs Fans! Terrific. A new target is healthy for everybody.
Welcome boys. The over/under on references to Steve Bartman on this year's blog is 30!
This will be a shame when a rookie walks in an rapes all of you. Be prepared to feel the wrath of The Shize. Thanks for the invite Homos
Outstanding comment Shize... the humor on this blog is usually a little more high-brow than references to rape and homosexuality, but we'll adjust. I'll make sure to include a glossary and some pictures with most of my posts so you can follow along!
True Story: If I challenged Shane to a weightlifting contest to be contested tomorrow, and we agreed to follow IOC rules, he couldn't win. I'd bet on it!
Shades... Huh?
Wow Shize, kinder words haven't been spoken since someone told me to go fry something.
Note to Shize: Lay off the steroids or you might become as popular as Barry Bonds.
MG... I am never going to live that down, am I?
I have to apologize for my harsh comments in my last post. I just wanted no announce my presense with authority. I also wasnt aware that we were playing FG with what seems to be a bunch of 70 year old pussy's. I still need to reply to the comments made from my brother (jay from Darooks) regarding me being gay and a pole smoker. I'm pretty sure im not gay and if anything he should have refered to me as a Throat Poker. By the way Jay how is that throat feeling. If anybody is a pole smoker its Jay and Shane. I can just se it now, Jay and Shane working out together and they both reach their goal of bench pressing the building. What better way to celebrate than to go to the locker room and smoke some pole. I'll be here all year. Lets have some fun
I just read the ground rules about posting. Sorry about the comment about playing with 70 year old pussy's since I only know about three people in the league and Ryan is the only one that could pass for 70. It wont happen again. I dont want to have to write my name on the chaulk board
No, New Tex, you're not. I still think it's funny BTW!
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