What, No Chirping?

Robbo and Vic... what's up? Kind of quiet out there the last couple days... you guys only get excited about the Stankees when they win a game or two?

Those Angels are sons of bitches, no?

The New Evil Empire...

Given the recent futility of the Yanks in the post season, and hell... regular season this year... this may be a more apt illustration of the so-called Evil Empire.





Or maybe this works better?




Talon... May the Schwartz Be With You

UPDATE 8/19/07

A rare Sunday night update for you... I have to go out of town tomorrow morning, and didn't want to leave anyone hanging. The lengths I go...

Anyway, no real changes since the last update... my lead over Bandit is a little bigger, but in terms of ordinal rankings... not much. Going into the Fed Ex Playoffs, here's where we all stand...


639 ..... Steve T. / Tex
564 ..... Da Bandit
423 ..... Vic / Talon
339 ..... Excal
307 ..... Johnny V.
306 ..... Stan the Man
291 ..... Stevie V.
243 ..... Timmy D. / Bimma
130 ..... Jeff / Shades
35 ..... Murph/MG
18 ..... Robbo / Buzz
-30 ..... Tev
-81 ..... Krust

Can You Hear the Theme Music?

Four games back...The Empire Might Strike Back...don don da da! What can you say, we are you daddies.

WTF?

Who does a guy have to blow around here to get some CBS coverage of JG? I've watched a good bit today and haven't seen a single shot. Meanwhile, Kevin Stadler's round was being covered like his first name was Eldrick. Oddly, JG and Stadler were tied at -17 as I type this... Stadler finished with a 66 and JG was -5 on his round.

What gives? Is Kevin Stadler more interesting because his dad was a great player? They just said on the broadcast that if a player finishes in the top 86 on the FedEx list after this tourney, they are a mathematical lock to get into the first two playoff events. Hello? Our boy is 93rd and with a good finish can move into the top 86. Isn't that a neat little story? Can't something be made about the "Prince of Pinehurst" (sorry... had to) having a nice run at another NC venue? None of this occured to the producers in the CBS production trailer?

Like Dude. I made the cut man.

Someone buy this guy a cup of coffee. How about a coke or something else to wake you up? This guy leads the Greater Wyndham Greensboro Open Championship?

Nice Catch!

Year of the Rat?

Da Rodent wins in the closest event yet in the challenge. None of his four players collapsed and in combination with Els' 66 he held on at 1129; talonflier was second at 1138; Voodoo finished third with 1139; and Boca was tail end charlie with a 1167 total. Voodoo wins the season share and $80 + $40@ for the events he won for $160. Da Rodent won twice for $80, so he is essentially a push. Boca and I, the losers that we are, will render $80@ to the Champion and F U!

No Update This Week

Buried at work again... plus, I don't think there were any big movers that would make a real difference.

We'll get an update done after the Greensboro tourney.

ANOTHER CRUSHING BLOW DEALT TO EXCAL!!

Another major, another triumph for Team New Tex. Despite the hubris that lead to picking John Rollins with his 5th selection, New Tex dealt Excal yet another crushing defeat... here's how it stacked up:

There were two pushes, so their money doesn't matter...

Harrington and the Lil Grinder (Toms) push at +8
Rose and Choo Choo push at +2

That left Tex with Verplank who pocketted the sweet sum of $170,333.

Excal's remaining "players" were Stricker ($51,000) and Cink Sank Sunk ($34,750). That left the former commish about $90,000 short.

Justice.

That makes the score 3-1 in favor of New Tex, so Excal has to cough up an even hundo.

Nice doing business with ya. You can paypal the money, or just add it to your FPGP entry next season... I know you're good for it.

Another One Too Close To Call...

My bet with Excal is too close to call right now... here's how it stands.

Harrington and the Lil Grinder (Toms) push at +8
Rose and Choo Choo push at +2

That leaves me with Verplank at +1 and T10 currently, and him with Stricker +5 (T23) and Cink +6 (T32) currently.

It's going to be very close...

Zombie of DiVincenzo Turns on Voodoo

Oh the humanity! Voodoo was cruising to a threepeat and the season title when Seeeergio DQs at the PGA yesterday. Apparently that lovable Milton HS graduate, Boo Weekly, never really grasped the whole ordinal numbers thing and set up Garcia by marking down a 4 that was really a 5 (Democrats are calling for a special prosecutor and will question Gonzalez on this). The collateral damage also ended Boca's last hopes for a win and left both FPGPers short of four players forcing the application of the High 3 (avg of 3 highest pro scores) rule. Voodoo's other selections have been so strong he absorbed the Rd 3 score (79) and still holds the narrowest of leads at 849. Da Rodent is nipping his heels at 850 and has 4 players and no room for error. Talonflier has five players eligible and is within range at 856. Boca is along for the ride at 867. Rob appears in the driver's seat, but one bad score...or WD...or DQ...and I am right there. This will be the closest result yet so here is the tiebreaker refresh (Voodoo/-6; da Rodent/-3; Talonflier/-9).

????????????


I'm in the Atlanta airport and just saw that the f ---ing choking hothead Sergio was DQed!!! I CAN'T WAINT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENED. Not only has he cost me and da Bandit in the side bet but this spanish flea will never win a major. And you guys thought that Rory was embarrasing.

To Paraphrase The Movie "Airplane"...

STRICKER!!!... YOU'RE TOO LOW DAMNIT!!!!

This guy is going to give me a heart attack... should have missed the cut, now he is en fuego.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

62.5!!!

HOW THE HELL DID THAT PUTT MISS?????

Saying Tiger "flirted" with 62 is a bit inaccurate... it seems like he had his hand up the skirt of 62. Wow.

OK, Scottie V... no pressure tomorrow... Just play your wonderful game, and don't worry about Tiger.

Round One Fun

Pretty tight pack at Southern Hills and the scoreboard in the challenge reflects it. Boca is on top by one with a 284 (but has 2/6 with 80+ scores as cut bait); Voodoo and Talonflier are just behind at 285; and da Rodent is just back at 287.

Hey Sean O'Hair...

Eddie Munster just called... he wants his hair style back.

PGA Early Report...

Excal and I suck!

Four guys on the course in the morning (Cink, Stricker, Choi, and Furyk) and they are combined 12 over par. Furyk is playing like Craig Perks... I guess that injury was worse than I thought. Damn.

Excal, what happens if none of our guys make the cut? Is that a draw?

The Picks Are In

The last chapter of the challenge has Voodoo in the season lead at 3473, Talonflier at 3505, Boca at 3509, and da Rodent at 3530. Voodoo has selected his stable for Southern Hills as Singh, Choi, Clark, Els, Scott, and Seeeeergio with a winning score predicted at -6. Talonflier will go with Cink, Mahan, Singh, Goosen, Choi, and Donald with -9 winning the tourney. Boca chimed in with Clark, Garcia, Zach Johnson, Cabrera, Verplank, and Rose and has -8 as the winner's total. The Rodent has selected his horses as Scott, Els, Singh, Michelson, Goosen, and Cabrera and thinks the winning hack cannot make it around better than -3. Good luck ladies!

NFL POOL

If any of you degenerates are interested in a cheap/fun NFL pool, let me know. I have a friend of a friend running one (all online) for $100 (for the season). The game is to pick each NFL game, straight up (no line). Weekly and season winners are paid off...

Let me know if you are interested, and I'll forward along the email to you.

Majors Challenge Part IV: The Voodoo Legend

OK, let's not work the brinksmanship angle on this one, and you know who you are (da Rodent). I need your team of six sans el Tigre and your projection for the winning score relative to par. You have until Wed at 2359 hrs.

Sabbatini is an Ass and Hypocrite

By now, everyone out there probably knows that Sabbatini had a fan booted on the 9th hole yesterday, when he asked "do you still think Tiger is beatable?" Come one... lighten the fuck up.

As if that isn't bad enough, this was Sabbatini's comment about the "incident."

``We're out here to do our job - let us do our job,'' Sabbatini said later. ``Have a little bit of decorum, a little bit of class out there. I guess a few too many beers were talking.''

"Class", "decorum" and "Sabbatini" have no business colliding in the same paragraph. When I was at The Colonial in May, I saw him have a complete hissy fit when he missed a short birdie putt on the 2nd (his 11th) hole. The ball lipped out, and he made a violent gesture with his putter, uttered some "fucks" and started crying like Sergio Garcia to his caddy... something along the lines of "how many fucking putts am I going to lip out this month?" Seriously... I was right there on the left side of the green with a left pin placement... it was clear as day. It was also early so there were not that many people around to hear it... I am sure the little Napolean Complex does this all the time. What a little dick.

If you want to get mad and upset... whatever. But what a prick for tossing a guy who simply busted his balls/called him out. Again, this is the shit that makes professional golfers look like a bunch of prima donas. In what other major sport can you get tossed for something like that? Hell, Yankee Stadium would be empty for every game if baseball players were this sensitive!

When Sabbatini first called out Tiger, I thought "it's about time someone did... good for him!" Now, I hope Tiger continues to bury the little prick.

PGA Side Bet

Same rules as always, Excal...

1. No Tiger.
2. Team earning the most money gets $50.
3. Picking the Winner... $50.

You're down $50 going into this one...

Picks are in the comment section. I go first.
--------------------------

The Teams are in... here they are:

New Tex: Furyk, Harrington, Verplank, Rose, Rollins

Excal: Choi, Stricker, Toms, T. Clark, Cink

UPDATE 8/6/07

Thanks for your update patience last week...

Here's this week's update. No real movement, other than Stan the Man and Johnny V. swapping 5th and 6th place.

630 ..... Steve T. / Tex
576 ..... Da Bandit
441 ..... Vic / Talon
359 ..... Excal
357 ..... Stan the Man
311 ..... Johnny V.
246 ..... Stevie V.
213 ..... Timmy D. / Bimma
147 ..... Jeff / Shades
35 ..... Murph/MG
11 ..... Robbo / Buzz
-47 ..... Tev
-65 ..... Krust

So... This Is What It Feels Like To Be Craig Perks...

This will mark the first weekend since February that I am not going to play golf in some form or another... I have to go out of town for a wedding.

It's weird, the no golf on the weekend... I kinda feel like I am one of Shades' FPGP picks!

It's not you. It's me.

The headline read, "PGA Tour pro fires caddie, hires sub from the gallery". I could only think that this might have meant the end of Lou's love of carrying our buddy's golf bag. But no, it wasn't JG who did the firing. It was was Jay Williamson.

No Update This Week...

I am buried with work and will be out of town a bit... sorry gang.

Armed and dangerous

Just when you think you can stick a fork in him, da Rodent is coming out firing. His short, Brett Quiglry, is making a move in the Canuck Open. Lots on potential points to be made.

WHY?

PORTLAND, Ore. -- Michelle Wie accepted a sponsor's exemption Tuesday to play in the Safeway Classic next month.

The 17-year-old Wie is continuing her course of playing as many times as the LPGA allows: eight. The Safeway Classic on Aug. 24-26 would be her seventh event, with her final tournament expected to be the Samsung World Championship at Bighorn in October.

I realize that this is an LPGA tourney that she's getting an exemption into, but really. Are there really LPGA fans that would only buy a ticket to this event if Wie is playing?

Another FPGP golf option?

A possible option for the FPGP golf outing is to try to play in the annual Monkey Hill Classic in New Orleans. The event is run by my brother for charity. The course, which is 4 blocks from the Monkey Hill bar, is called Audubon Park and is an executive layout. So, golf would be secondary to the free drinks and wonderful music but I can promise that a good time would be had by all. Da Bandit and I are already committed to play; we have't missed one yet -- true dedication.

Check out this link: http://www.crescentcitytattooco.org/homeafterintro.htm

and this one from MYspace: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=63569248

Joel and da Rodent's "golf' match

Where was ESPN during the duel between these guys. First, both Excal and Robbo shot triple digits (100, 101) on a goat track in South Carolina. If no one breaks 100, there is no winner -- this is according to the official rules of golf.

Apparently, the "turning point" was when Robbo/Buzz/Rodent 4-putted the par 3 17th. Rumor has it that Joel did not "give" Rob the last putt on 17 out of retaliation for an earlier incident. Earlier, Robbo had summarily refused to let Joel have a free drop from a poor lie in the rough.

Hearing this stuff makes an FPGP golf outing a possible reality show hit. Think big, these two (and da Bandit when he sucks down copious amounts of Dewers on the course) could be our ticket to fame and fortune!

Voodoo Magic

Voodoo repeats, a lead pipe cinch for season championship (jinx, jinx, jinx). Even with a leaky Garcia, Voodoo held on to win the Open with a score of 1121. He was followed closely by talonflier at 1125, then Boca at 1137, and Rob bringing up the rear at 1148. Season totals going into the PGA start with the Balkan-Cajun at 3473 and in total control (oxymoronic for that genetic combo), lagging in second is talonflier at 3505, limping in third is the Bandit at 3509, and flaccid in fourth is da Rodent at 3530. It would take a Van de velde kind of collapse by the professor to allow me to make up 32 points (jinx, jinx, jinx, hex, jinx). Voodoo has $80 (2 wins) and has his entry paid, Rodent has $40 (1 win) , bandit and talonflier have zero skins.

UPDATE 7/23/07

ERIN GO BANDIT!!!

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

I was only tending to my little wager with Excal yesterday... I had not idea that Da Bandit had Harrington in the pool! Shit!!! My once seemingly insurmountable lead has been shrunk to a measley 30 points as Da Bandit makes his typical summer run. Timmy D. has also moved up into "no chance for money" position, although he now leads this year's rookie class as well as Jeff and Robbo. Krust remains in nice position for The Duffer Award.

If Da Bandit's Dumb Pollack (Stankowski) gets hot, I may go on a shooting spree. I think that focker lives around here somewhere. Speaking of which... Let's get 'er goin' there Justin! You little shit!



Don't expect a fancy looking update today... Shade's IM signature says he's "Gone to the Beach"... with the rest of the Charleston housewives.

Excal Wins By Slim Margin!

Excal triumphs over New Tex!

New Tex's squad earned a total of $493,731. Excal's team had $490,763 without Fasthhhhhhh, who's earning I can't get... but I know he made more than $3,000.

Well done Excal...

That puts you down $50 for the season, with a chance to get it square in August.

Too Close To Call...

Did Els make more than Choo Choo, Furyk and Rose combined? I think he probably did, but we'll have to wait and see...

Meanwhile... nice putting Sergio.

Voodoo Holds Lead After Round Three

Voodoo - 837
Talonflier - 842
Boca Bandit - 852
Rodent - 857

Two man race between Voodoo and me. C'mon Sergio you can blow up anytime!

Open Day 3...

Team New Tex has a decent lead over Excal, but it could all go away quickly if Ernie Els goes low tomorrow. Basically, I need to have one of my guys finish tied with Ernie to lock this baby up, or at least have Ernie not finish solo 3rd or better, assuming the rest of my boys don't go sideways.

New Tex:

Choi (-3)
Furyk (-2)
Singh (-2)
Rose (-1)

Excal:

Els (-3)
Casey (+1)
Fasthhhhhh (+4thhhh)
Donald (+6)

Anyone want to lay a few quid on Sergio winning this thing?

Voodoo, One Man and a Few Brain Cells Short

Despite spotting his fellow competitors a man in the FPGP Major's Challenge Part III, Voodoo has the lead after Day Two. Voodoo is at 557, Talonflier at 563, Rodent is at 568, and the Bandit is at 570. Now, after cut day Voodoo no longer is at a disadvantage, but he pushes 5 players into the weekend. The rest of us just pushed the necessary contingent of 4 players into the weekend mix having lost Mickelson (all 3 of us), Donald (two of us), and Rodent losing Allenby to C-Nasty. Will Voodoo put two wins back to back and solidify his season championship position...nah, Garcia will implode.

British Open Side Bet, Day 2

Chugga chugga chugga CHOO CHOO!!!

Team New Tex put the whoopin' down today, but there is still too much windy golf to be played. Here's where we stand after 2 rounds:

New Tex:

Choi (-4)
Furyk (-2)
Singh (+1)
Rose (+3)
Stenson (MC)

Excal:

Els (E)
Fasth (+2)
Casey (+3)
Donald (+4)
Missedcut-elson (MC)

The Rodent Makes It!

Official time was 1139 CDT, but Rob made it by a rat nose with his picks:
Rodent: Mickelson, Furyk, Goosen, Scott, Donald, Allenby (no TB, loses any ties)
Bocca: Casey, Donald, Fasth, Mickelson, Petterson, Rose (-4 TB)
Voodoo: Cabrera, Goosen, Garcia, Olazabal, Els, Scott (-2 TB)
Talonflier: Mickelson, Weir, Furyk, Donald, Rose, Casey (-5 TB)

British Open Side Bet

Hey Vic, did you guys not make picks for the British?

As for me and Excal, it is pretty much a dead heat after day 1. Here's where we stand:

New Tex:

Choi (-2)
Furyk (-1)
Stenson (E)
Singh (+1)
Rose (+4)

Excal:

Donald (-1)
Mickelson (E)
Els (+1)
Casey (+1)
Fasth (+4)

I am scared to death of Paul Casey... I was going to take him with my #2 pick, but didn't think Excal would think to take him at #3. Look for a little 64-66 out of Casey tomorrow.

Who is Gary Player talking about?

CARNOUSTIE, Scotland — Golf legend Gary Player said Wednesday in a news conference on the eve of the 136th British Open that he knows of at least one golfer who has used steroids.

"One guy told me — I took an oath prior to him telling me — but he told me what he did and I could see this massive change in him," said the 71-year-old Hall of Famer and winner of nine majors. "And somebody else told me something I also promised I wouldn't tell, that verified others had done it." MORE

----------------------
Please tell me it's Craig Perks so I can fall on the floor laughing.

UPDATE 7/16/07

My lunch meeting cancelled, so I had some time to toss this together...

No significant changes in ordinal position, other than Excal hopping up a few notches to sneak into 4th place. Byrd's win helped close the gap for Da Bandit, and also put some distance between him and Vic.

With the addition of the Duffer Award, we now have all but 3 players (Jeff, Stevie V., and Bimma) either in the money or withing 125 points of the money. I have to say, that Duffer Award was really a good idea.

Here's the board... hopefully Jeff will have a chance to perty it up a bit.

607 ..... Steve T. / Tex
505 ..... Da Bandit
425 ..... Vic / Talon
339 ..... Excal
338 ..... Johnny V.
301 ..... Stan the Man
181 ..... Jeff / Shades
164 ..... Stevie V.
105 ..... Timmy D. / Bimma
14 ..... Murph/MG
-39 ..... Tev
-66 ..... Robbo / Buzz
-69 ..... Krust

UPDATE and Side Bet

I don't have time to get the update done today or probably tomorrow either... just didn't want Bandit to think I was avoiding putting up that pile of Byrd points that he accumulated yesterday.

I am going to use this thread for my British Open Side Bet with Excal... I am going to be making my picks with no thought, so you better whip me this time. You go first. No Tiger. $50 for most earned, $50 for winner.

Caddie Jam-Boy goes to Congressional

A must read for anyone who has been to a golf tournament and likes some the inside information of what goes on in the CBS towers.

LINK

Can You Guess Who's Playing With JG Tomorrow?

Here's a hint:

Heidi Klum and... JG???

In the July/August issue of PGA Tour "Partners" magazine, Carson Daly says that his ideal foresome would be "my father, Jason Gore, myself, and Heidi Klum."

There are so many different ways to go with this... I'll just let it go. I'll say this though... I'll bet you don't get Heidi Klum and JG in the same sentence very often!

UPDATE 7/9/07

PEREZ PUSHES TEX OVER 600 POINTS!

Some reasonably significant changes in the rankings this week... Bandit has taken over in 2nd place, and Vic has slipped down to 3rd... but they are only 9 points apart. Meanwhile, Double P's strong finish yesterday has put New Tex into unchartered territory... this season can't end fast enough!

Meanwhile, the battle for The Duffer Award continues to tighten... three FPGPers are within 100 points of the Krust...

Final Stretch?

ESPN's Jason Sobel says the "PGA Tour hitting its final stretch"

Call it the stretch run, the last phase or the final countdown. No matter how you refer to the remainder of the PGA Tour's regular season schedule, it's apparent that there isn't much of it still remaining. MORE

Was it over when Perks missed his latest cut? Was it over for others when JG finished T2 at the Buick? Was it over when David Duval disappeared off the tour again? Well,... yes? I'll let you be the judge. It's July and I'm looking forward to FPGP 2008: Chinese Year Of The Brown Earth Rat.

JG's New Sponsor!

Per JG's request, I am happy to remove the Nike swooshes and what not that were on that previous photo. I'd also like to officially announce JG's sponsor... Team New Tex. Sponsorship benefits are pretty insignificant... free beer / steak in Dallas... small fan gatherings in the Metroplex. But let's face it... since joining New Tex in April, the big guy is butter-like... that is, he's on a roll.

And we have a 500 + point leader

New Tex had an ALL STAR showing by his FPGP team. Fuyrk, Leanord and, some guy named Gore, all finished in the top 10. Additionally, Kevin Na had another nice finish to add to the already huge weekend that New Tex's top guys had. At the other end of the spectrum, it's looking like MG's lack of a trade may have given away last place to either Krust or Buzz. (Krust, I'm pulling for you.)

Missed it by that much

Great round and tournament JG. Had you made that putt on 18, I'm certain that Brian Bateman would have had his hands full against you in a playoff. Great score none-the-less. I guess word of you being a summer player was true. Get'em at the next one.

UPDATE: Kiss the swoosh goodbye.

Team Tex Kicks Ass!

Gore.
Leonord.
Furyk.

Hell, even a little bit of Kevin Na.

What a Buick for Team Tex!

Updates tomorrow.

Great tourney JG!

Pavin Procreation Paradigm

Regarding the recent success of Corey Pavin and his wife Lisa's pregnancy, I find MG's "estrogen factor" to be an interesting hypothesis. I will research and try to correlate money list earnings with months of spousal pregnancy. She could be onto some new FPGP strateegery (sic) here. Though I certainly wish Corey and his wife a happy and healthy pregnancy, I am not buying the "baby needs a new pair of shoes" appeal...he must shoot 80. It is obvious with the advanced age of his impending fatherhood and the fact he is still lingering on the PGA Tour, he has failed to embrace Erik Erikson's theory of healthy stage maturity and acceptance. Move on Corey, take the year off, your going to need the rest. FPGPers, chime in with your individual best round, lowest handicap examples during your wife's pregnancy.

Sniper!

Could we get a sniper to take care of Kenny Perry please? Thanks.

He's back!!!

Speaking of watching out, look out for "Rocky" boy. The Italian Stallion is back in town!

Pavin Panic!

Hey Vic... you better watch out, the original 'Lil Grinder has been playing some decent golf lately...

I know that Bandit and I are definitely jumping on the Pavin Bandwagon! I just wish we could get that porn 'stache back on his mug.

UPDATE 6/25/07

MAHAN PUTS VIC IN THE HUNT!

Yeah, that was cheesy... but shit. I took that little Mahan puke for THREE YEARS IN A ROW when no on else ever touched him... and nothing. Vic comes along, grabs the little bastard and he decides to have a top 15 at The Open and a win in Hartford. In the immortal words of Da Former Commish... NO JUSTICE!

Here's your update for the week...

483 ..... Steve T. / Tex
466 ..... Vic/Talon
437 ..... Da Bandit
287 ..... Johnny V.
275 ..... Stan the Man
227 ..... Excal
191 ..... Jeff / Shades
127 ..... Stevie V.
9 ..... Timmy D. / Bimma
-26 ..... Tev
-54 ..... Krust
-79 ..... Robbo / Buzz
-131 ..... Murph/MG

By the way, if you were to look at updates posted around this time last year, you'd notice that our top 3 FPGPers are on a blistering pace.

You want a surprise?

No, it's not Cabrerra's victory, da Bandits' honorable deed, or even my side-bet win. It's da Rodent, computationally challenged, and dazed and confused by the exchange rate in England (simulated here), paying the asking price for an item.

TRUTH, JUSTICE, AND NO F'N WAY--VOODOO WINS!

Boca Bandit fails to steal the FPGP Majors Challenge. Away in Italia, the Bandit takes it in the bocci balls when upon further review it was acknowledged he switched from Johnson to Harrington (who missed the cut). The net result is plus seven strokes with no penalty since he came forward to correct the error via email from the old country...bravo banditore. The new results are Voodoo at 1173, Bandit at 1176, Talonflier at 1203, and da Rodent at 1208. Season totals are Voodoo at 2352; Bandit at 2372; Talonflier at 2380, and da Rodent at 2382...with Voodoo and Rodent having $20 in their column. Voodoo needs some cut day pain to allow the rest of us back into the championship.

No Update This Week

Sorry boys... too busy today to get to the number crunching, and then I am going to be out of town for most of the week. We'll get an update done next Monday for sure.

U.S. Open Side Bet with Excal...

I think I got Excal, but the numbers are not in yet...

Furyk finished 5 places ahead of the 'Lil Grinder, and should get a big check.
Casey finished 3 places behind Verplank.
Singh finished well ahead of Zachariah.

If the difference between Furyk/Toms is greater than Casey/Verplank (which I think it should be), that will be another fitty.

I have to say, I thought Toms was the worst pick I've seen in these side bets, but he proved me wrong... and even cost me $20 with Timmy. He'll forever be the "'Lil Grinder" to me.

------
IT'S OFFICIAL

Furyk earns $611,336 for finishing T2nd, which is more than the 'Lil Grinder ($248,948), Verplank ($194, 245) and Zachariah ($25,016) combined.

Day Three Results

As expected the failure to get four players through the cut is taking a massive toll on Talonflier and Rodent. Boca keeps a narrow lead at 243(+33) followed closely by Voodoo at 245(+35), and then having to take 80s for players three and four, Talonflier is at 265(+55) and da Rodent at 271(+61)!

Day of Disaster

Disaster has struck in the FPGP Major Challenge. With the "Angel" of Death's birdie on 18, both Rodent and I cannot field four players after the cut line was redrawn to +10. This catastrophe makes this week's championship a virtual 2-man race between Boca and Voodoo. Rodent and I must accept the two player's scores left and fill in the rest with the average score of the 3 highest professionals each day...ouch! The standings are: Boca (585,+25); Voodoo (590,+30); Rodent (593,+33); Talonflier (595,+35). Boca still has five players in the field (Els, Clark, Singh, Toms, Johnson, Cink-out); Voodoo has four players (Singh, Els, Furyk, Clark, Stenson-out, Goosen-out); Rodent has two players left (Ogilvy, Furyk, +3 high avg x 2); Talonflier has two players as well (Singh, Furyk, +3 high avg x 2).

Round One is Done

Round one is complete and it is pretty tight.
Vodoo-287(+7), Boca-287(+7), Talonflier-289(+9), Rodent-289(+9)

Word from the Vatican

Proving that we are truely in a global economy, Boca has made contact from the Rubicon to add his last pick. In lieu of my charitable Zach Johnson pick for his sixth man he is going with Padraig Harrington and staying with EVEN for the tiebreaker. I cannot wait for the now fated Zach Johnson victory to unfold.

Event #2 in FPGP Majors Challenge

I am publicizing my picks for the U.S. Open as Harrington, Donald, Singh, Goosen, Scott, Furyk with a winning total of -5 . Boca is dining on tortellini ala panna in Italia and sent in picks early but forgot his sixth pick and the tiebreaker total. Now I know many of the FPGP purists would just offer a "tough shit" and let him ride straight into the ground with only five players, but I as event chairman and supreme commander of the chair I am sitting in, will give him the highest money list player who is not injured after Tiger. So, he has Zach Johnson as his default sixth player and EVEN for his tiebreaker. His picks are Cink, Els, Clark, Singh, and Toms to go with Johnson. I will take the moral highground here, which as we know, just merely silhouettes you better for the kill shot...so let the bitching begin. Anyway the poor dumb bastard is soooo far behind it is more like the equivalent of your 2nd grader's "Particpation Award" as it is me trying to pull some good kharma. The standings after the Master's scores for the season total are: da Rodent (aka trophy poser) at 1174, myself at 1177, Voodoo at 1179, and our bon vivant, the Count Bimma at 1196. Watch out for that Grappa Boca---eeeek, it is one nasty ass headache. One grappa story ends with me waking up on a public park bench in Pordenone, with a couple of Italian shims (she and hims or undeterminable) glaring at me like, well, like a steaka feasto, as I watch my crew bus drive away with my new Squadron Commander on board.

U.S. Open Side Bet with Excal

It's that time of year again...

Ok, here's the deal... 5 players each. No Tiger. $50 for the team that earns the most cashola. $50 bonus if the Open winner is on your team.

Excal is $50 in the hole from our Master's bet, and I get first pick... it's in the comment section.

-----
Ok, here are the teams and the order they were drafted.

New Tex: Furyk, Singh, Donald, Casey, Mickelson

Excal: Z. Johnson, Scott, Toms, Cink, Verplank

My draft board had Furyk, Singh and Donald 1-3, and I wouldn't have picked Toms or Cink if this went 10 deep. So... I am either going to win big or feel like a complete idiot.

Todd Hamilton is an Idiot

Let the whining begin with this story from ESPN.com.

Money quote is from Todd "No really, I won the British Open" Hamilton:

Of course, all this leads to an idea Hamilton has spoken of often, that par could be abolished, leaving the player with the lowest number of strokes -- whatever that number might be -- as the champion.

"They're always worried about par being a barrier or something in everyone's site that they try to strive for," he said. "They say they don't set courses up trying to get somebody to shoot a certain score, such as par. Well, if that's the case … have no pars on the holes. When a guy finishes a hole, he's not even par, he's 4."

Guess what Todd???... the player who takes the lowest number of strokes DOES win the friggin' tournament!

Maybe if the PLAYERS would stop bitching about what "par" really is, and lack of birdies, they would realize this... the winner of the tourney is simply the one who takes the fewest strokes over 72 holes. I mean, does anyone think that Paul Lawrie feels really bad about WINNING a British Open at 6 over? Ogilvy winning the US Open at 5 over? Who gives a rat's fat ass?

Side Bets

With the US Open starting up in a couple days, I thought I'd make a quick post on sidebets... I know a few of you guys are doing a major by major bet... If Excal doesn't chicken out, he and I will go head to head.

These are the bets that I can remember so far:

1. Shades owes me $10 on a "Michelle Wie making the cut" wager.
2. Excal is down $50 so far in our major's bet, and I have first pick in the next one.
3. Shades is down 11-9 in our weekly PGA Tour bet, and 57,456 Fed Ex points to 31,450.
4. Robbo has a 1/2 game lead over Shades in the "Yankees vs. Blue Jays" bet... that was for $50, right?
5. Shades and I have a "Dice-K ERA over/under" bet... the o/u was set at 4.00, and I took the over... so I am currently winning that one with Dice-K's 4.52 ERA.

Anything else?

UPDATE 6/11/07

Only one change in the order this week, and it's one we can all enjoy... David Toms' big performance in Memphis has vaulted Robbo out of the Duffer Zone. Murph/MG is back in cash position.

UPDATE 6/4/07

This season is really kicking in now boys (and Murph)... some pretty stellar performances from the trades... Perry, JG, and Moore. Also another great performance by one of Bimma's short picks! Bimma may be really dangerous next year if he can decipher the rules!

Once again, there is very little change in the ordinal rankings, and none in the top 3... but the haves are continuing to distance themselves from the have nots. There is also a nice little battle for the Duffer Award going on. The goal of the Duffer Award was to make the pool more interesting for more people, and I think that is being accomplished... the three teams at the bottom of the list would otherwise have nothing to care about if we didn't have the Duffer...

485 ..... Steve T. / Tex
455 ..... Da Bandit
389 ..... Vic/Talon
310 ..... Johnny V.
264 ..... Stan the Man
233 ..... Excal
191 ..... Jeff / Shades
164 ..... Stevie V.
4 ..... Timmy D. / Bimma
0 ..... Tev
-35 ..... Krust
-85 ..... Murph / MG
-111 ..... Robbo / Buzz

How about this FPGP dream pairing.

JG, Trashcan and Tiger "No Golf In Texas" Woods. JG had an awesome round today. Great job JG. I'm not sure who pushed who, you pushing Woods or Woods pushing you. Unfortunately Trashcan didn't have the game today to play with the 2 big guys.

2007 Prize Pool

Now that all of the trades are in, here is what we are looking at:

The total prize pool is approximately $1,470. I say approximately because there was a service fee on some of your PayPal transactions, and I don't intend to fund the difference.

With our 70/20/10/duffer payouts, we have the following breakdown:

1st place: $959
2nd place: $274
3rd place: $137
Duffer: $100

If we wanted to make a little FPGP trophy, I could probably get that done fairly cheaply and would just take it out of the winner's share. I can't imagine it would be more than $50. Interest?

Worst Short-term Trade Ever?

Excal dumped Ernie Els, who shot an opening 66 at The Memorial today for Tim Clark, who is not in the field. If Ernie has a big finish, this may be the worst short-term trade ever. Toss in the fact that Timmy moved up 14 spots to 103 this week, indicating that Excal may have bought a little high.

Time will tell on this one, but it is not off to a great start... that said, I understand the logic of holding the likes of Justin Leonard, as he has more upside than Els (and had a nice little round today).

Four Year Old Kid Can Outdrive Excal!!!

When asked to comment, Excal could only be heard muttering... "no justice."

Four year old Kyle, on the other hand, commented "step back to the men's tee with me Excal... I'll give you two a side."

Excal Makes Trade

Our loveable former commish is dumping Ernie Els for Tim Clark.

As Porky Pig might say... that's all folks. No more trades.

UPDATE 5/29/07 and Trade Warning

Ahhhhh... New Tex's Fabulous Foresome of Furyk, Perez, Na and Leonard really came through at The Colonial. Although there are absolutely no changes in the ordinal rankings of FPGP teams, the difference between haves and have nots has increased a bit.



Alright gang... this is the LAST WEEK to make a trade, and I must be notified by Wednesday night. If I don't get an email by then, you WILL NOT be allowed to make a trade. I am sure Jeff is very busy this week, so if you need the spreadsheet and it is not posted on the site, let me know and I will email it to you.

One Final Note on Excal...

I give Joel a lot of shit for never buying anything new, or for that matter... cleaning his golf stuff. His clubs have caked on mud that would need carbon dating to be properly analyzed... his shoes have turned colors from the dirt... anyone who's ever played with him recognizes his "dirty Cocks" hat. Well, yesterday's outfit looked strangely familiar to me... mind you, I play golf with Joel maybe once a year these days... so, I went to the photo vault and found this picture.

Warning... disturbing image...

The creation date on this file was May 21, 2001. Just over 6 years ago...

Folks, I am here to tell you that da former commish was wearing the same shirt and visor yesterday... I can't vouch for the shorts. Now, the fact that I couldn't fit into anything I owned 6 years ago aside... this is, in a word... "pathetic." I think I am going to siphon off some of the FPGP funds this year and next to start a "one new shirt a year" foundation for Tiger Philp.

Oh, and the shirt had a big hole in the back also.

I think that if the FPGP Open happens, and Tiger decides to bring this "outfit" with him... we need to do a ceremonial burning. Something... anything.

Yes, between that shirt and the mime outfit, I definitely had my fill of horizontal stripes...

Excal at Colonial... The Thrilling Conclusion

Well, Excal got the better of me today... giving 14 strokes and 600 yards of golf course, I just couldn't get 'er done. We pushed the front nine when I made a clutch birdie on 9 to square it up and get back to even par, but the gas tank was empty. The wind, the mud, the constant watching of the vertigo-inducing "move" that Excal was working on... I was 36-42, while he grinded out a 46-46 and beat me 3 and 2.

For the weekend then we had me at 77-73-78 and Excal at 97-92-92... well under Vegas' over/under line... although Vegas didn't anticipate Excal would play the last two courses from 6200 yards. Fun times were had by all, and I learned a lot about our former commish, such as...

1. He does not like the sight of houses on a golf course. This was a constant issue for him. Apparently the presence of wealth ruins his day of drinking and smoking cigars... oh yeah, and trying to hit a golf ball.

2. He will whine and moan like a girl if he has to play from the men's tees. Rather, he likes to set it up from the front/seniors tees and have at it. As he says "I have to play my game," which is absolutely correct... and that game resembles that of a 63 year old 23 handicapper.

3. He likens himself as a "little terrier... always grinding." Yeah... whatever.

4. As a golfer, he is a pretty good mime.

That looks like my last round of golf with an FPGPer (other than Stan the Man) for a while, at least until the FPGP Open. Excal says he's in for October in Myrtle Beach... are we doing this thing or not?

Excal at Colonial... Part Deux

Well, despite the weird weather, we were able to get in our 36 holes today. We really lucked out... only rained on us for one hole, and that wasn't even that bad. Both courses were a little soggy, and it was windy as all hell... but we made it through.

In the morning round, I gave Excal 14 shots... that is, 1 shot per hole on all holes that were not par 3s. I beat him 3 and 2, and shot 77 to his 97. I took all sides of the Nassau. Saweeeet. In the afternoon, he had the same deal, but played a set of tees that were 600 yards shorter than mine (6850 to 6250). I got him 3 and 2 again, and shot 73 to his 92. Excal actually played pretty well on the back 9, and had a chance to win that part of the Nassau, but he pulled the old 3 tap choke on 18, when 2 putts would have cinched it. In his words... "pathetic."

All and all, a somewhat wet and exhausting day. Thankfully, the mime outfit never made it back out.

We have 18 more tomorrow at a course that I've never played, so we'll see how it goes.

Excal at The Colonial

Excal warned me that he was going to do something to "inspire" JG at The Colonial. I was expecting something subtle that I wouldn't be able to detect until we actually made it over to Ft. Worth.

Yeah... not so much.

This is the way he came downstairs this morning.

I always knew that Joel was an ass clown, but here is our confirmation. Yowzas.

He's in the shower now.

I can only imagine what stunts he'll try to pull when WE play golf tomorrow.

For those that forgot where this is from




LINK

Bandit Trade

Bandit dumps Chris DiMarco for Kenny Perry...

Shit.

For The Love Of......WHY?

Michelle Wie accepted a sponsor's exemption Tuesday to play in the John Deere Classic for the third straight year, continuing her effort to make the cut in a men's event.

Wie, who is to graduate from high school next week, has not made the cut in six starts on the PGA Tour. A year ago at the John Deere Classic, she opened with a 77 and withdrew in the middle of the second round with heat exhaustion. FULL STORY

Try more sit-ups

Or how about eating less cheese fries at Outback? Maybe just go with the salad with grilled chicken, hold the cheese on the side though. Couch, how is it that you can have some decent (let's not get too excited) stats, another exempt year under your belt (which is stretched), and are playing in some of the, should I say, not-so-strong fields as compared to years past, yet you still can't make any money on tour. But one need only look at the sphere protruding out above your belt to know that maybe sit-ups could be the answer. And some of us who defend golfers AS athletes have to only look at the picture to understand why the argument exists.

True Champion

Way to go Robbo! Like a true champ, he saw his opportunity (smelled da cheese) and scurried ahead on all four legs.

Colonial Weekend with Excal

Excal is going to be down in the Big D this weekend... we are taking in the Colonial on Friday, playing 36 on Saturday, and 18 on Sunday. Toss in some seats to the Sox/Rangers game on Friday night, and it's going to be big fun. He's been griping about the state of his golf game lately, but this may just be a ploy to get more strokes. For the record, I am not giving up more than a stroke a hole with no strokes on the par 3s. No man should ask another man for more than that. And besides, that is a TON in match play.

The question of the week is, "what will Excal shoot?" I had a friend down here a month ago during the Nelson who is of similar "calibur" as Excal, and he put up a cumulative 300. We'll be playing 2 of the 3 same courses, and the 3rd will probably be a bit easier. Toss in the fact that Excal is a wimp and won't play the course from the same tees I will, and I think an appropriate over/under will be 294 (averaging 98 / round). The biggest factor will be when the famous "MBP" kicks in... that's "Maximum Beer Potential" for those of you who don't know Excal... he believes he plays better when he's loaded.

UPDATE 5/21/07 and TRADE INFO

Well, that happy go lucky smiling MoFo, Matt Kuchar, has lifted Vic into money position. Currently, the top 3 all have Kuchar in their stable.

Another interesting development... with Olin Browne making a cut, and a decent check, Murph has moved ahead of Robbo... which is actually bad for that team, as last place pays $100. Could be an interesting trading time.

Speaking of trades, the official FPGP rules state that the last day to make a trade is May 28, but that is dumb. I am going to extend the trade deadline to May 30th... same net effect, and that way the remaining folks don't have to figure out a trade over the long weekend. Rather, you can blow off time at work and do it then. For the record, the following folks have not made a trade:

Bandit
Excal
Krust
Murph
Robbo

Trades are not mandatory, so don't feel like you have to make one (I am talking to you Bandit).

Here's the update for this week:

"Dick" Dick II?

If you happen to be following the Nationwide Tour this week, as I am, you will see that my buddy Tommy "Two Gloves" Gainey is one stroke behind the leader Richard Johnson. This is not the same Richard Johnson, aka Dick Dick, on the PGA tour. This is the "other" Richard Johnson, aka Dick Dick II, on the Nationwide tour.

Now you may asking your self, "Self, why do I care about this Nationwide event?". Well, the last 6 winners of this Nationwide Event, the BMW Pro-Am, went on to play the PGA tour the following year.

Consistency

In case you can't read the small print, here's how Kuehne's rond has gone (so far)

par, birdie, par, birdie, bogey, eagle, birdie, bogey, bogey, QUAD,...

30 minutes ago I was going to do a pre-emptive jinx post... back when old Hammerin' Hank was 3 under. I guess Kuehne's scorecard is like the weather in New England... if you don't like it... just wait a minute.

I think we should adopt "The Hammer" as the new nickname for Kuehne... for one, it is an oft used nickname for Hanks... and two, it is likely that he'll be making his living swinging one soon.

The Seniors Are Coming To Town

The Sr. PGA Championship is at the Ocean Course at Kiawah. It's about 20 minutes away. They have a decent field with guys who were on the Ryder Cup team back in 1991. But I have zero interest in going. Tickets are $10.50 and I still can't get myself to go. I'm traveled and golfed out. I've got a cold that is being complicated by my allergies. I think I may not do much travel or golf over the next few months. I may hit golf balls, but I may not play for a few weeks. I want to do a complete swing change and get back in shape at the same time. That will take a few weeks and playing 18 or traveling is just too much at this time. Additionally, time will be a premium with the kids out of school for the summer.

But come the FPGP Open, I will be ready! So where are we going again and when??

Thanks JG

For handling us (former) hecklers in the way you did... with grace, with elegance, with humor... with a butt whipping on the golf course...

Most of all, thanks for not taking the Ken Griffey Jr. route to dealing with hecklers.

In Friday night's 2-0 loss at Los Angeles, a Dodgers fan sitting close to the Reds' dugout had fun heckling Griffey and Griffey responded by giving the fan a unique piece of baseball memorabilia - a jock strap.

Too funny...

Hank Kuehne Sighting!

Hank is in the Atlanta field! Shades has to be at least a little bit excited to know that Kuehne is officially off the "Have You Seen Me?" list. Now, if he can just make a cut.

Also in the field... Ray Floyd and Larry Nelson. Huh? Was Hubert Green busy this weekend?

UPDATE 5/14/07 and TRADE

Jeff is out of town, so no fancy update this week... if anyone is thinking of making a trade this week, let me know and I will send you the detailed data.

Stan made a trade last week, but he gave it to me too late for it to get in for the Players... which was fine because his "traded in" player was not in the field anyway. He's dumped McCarron and picked up Gavin Coles. The update below reflects that trade.

342 ..... Steve T. / Tex
328 ..... Da Bandit
316 ..... Johnny V.
282 ..... Vic/Talon
237 ..... Joel / Excal
183 ..... Jeff / Shades
172 ..... Stan the Man
81 ..... Stevie V.
26 ..... Timmy D. / Bimma
6 ..... Krust
-24 ..... Tev
-129 ..... Robbo / Buzz
-184 ..... Murph / MG

Parley of the Year

I wonder what the "Tiger misses the cut and Craig Perks makes the cut" parley would have gone off at? 10,000 to 1? A million to 1? Infinity to 1?

It's on the verge of hitting.

Is it just me...

Or does Phil look like a real douchebag in his PGATour.com photo?

Bimma Makes Trade

In one of the strangest moves in FPGP history, Bimma has dumped Shigeki Marayama and picked up Jason Gore, virtually assuring himself that he won't finish last or in the top 3.

Romo to the US Open?

http://www.usopen.com/news/romo.html

FPGP Open... Shit or Get Off the Pot Time

OK FPGPers... since most of us actually work for a living, we need to figure out this FPGP Open thing for this year pretty soon, as calendars start filling months in advance.

We seemed to have this thing pretty well dialed in, when Excal and Robbo threw a grenade in the room. The "plan" was Oct 5-7 in Myrtle Beach. Suddenly, this was not good enough for Excal, as he got a taste of Hilton Head, and clearly doesn't understand that other people have to fly in for this mess. This is the thread on the blog.

At last count, the following people were interested in getting together in October:

New Tex
Shades
Stevie V.
Bandit
Tev
Excal
Robbo

I was not sure about Vic, but I think he was in. I know Bimma and Stan the Man are out. That leaves us with 2 foursomes or at worst a 3 and 4. Pretty solid.

Now, where the fuck are we doing this thing? Personally, I am not intersted in Hilton Head. For the money, I'd prefer Vegas, but I can't see that happening. Plus, there is no convenient way for those of us not in the Carolinas to get there... It is going to be connecting flights and rental cars. No thanks. If the group pushes for Hilton Head, I'm gonna have to sit it out this year.

Is there still interest in Myrtle Beach? Raise your hand if you are in, and we'll see if this is going to happen. Count me "in" for MB.

UPDATE 5/7/07

Not much action this week... the biggest movers were actually in some of our bottom feeder's short picks.