Nelson Recap

Well, I hope the boys would chime in with a "great time was had by all" because I know that I had big fun. In the span of 4 days, we were able to squeeze in 72 wind-swept holes of golf, plus a day and a half at the Byron Nelson tourney. The biggest mistake I made all weekend was constantly forgetting to bring my camera with me, so there are no photographs of the group, or more importantly, Excal teeing the ball up 5 yards in front of the markers, which were already colored white.

Several wagers were made...

On Thursday, Shane and I took on Shades and Excal in an 18-hole match-play match were we used the combined score for each team. Shane and I won 6 and 5, as poor Excal was as rusty as it gets, and Shades couldn't get it going. Worse for Jeff, he proposed a "credit card roulette" game at Hooters (the match was for the tab), where he tossed his and Excal's credit cards face down and asked the waitress to pick one.... and she picked Shades'. Ouch.

My annual 54 hole match play match with Jeff started on Friday when we played 36 holes. Despite pushing him into a 6 hole deficit on the back 9 of the final 18, he closed it to just a 1-down gap by the end of the round. I took Excal as my partner in the same kind of match as the day before, and we summarily destroyed Shane and Jeff. Excal hit his MBP (that's "Maximum Beer Potential") quite early, and we cruised. Amazingly, through 54 holes, Excal was tied for "most birdies" (with a paltry 2, but still).

Saturday was Nelson day... the course looked good, and the players were struggling. A great combination. There were two groups on the par 5 7th tee during the afternoon... sucks for them, but I like to see the pros playing in the same slow conditions as us hacks from time to time. Shades and I officially have man-crushes on Adam Scott.

We were a man-down on Sunday as Shane couldn't handle the Dallas lifestyle... too much drinky drinky, and he couldn't get himself out to the golf course. Shades won the first 3 holes to go 2-up on me, before giving a couple back. It was back and forth most of the day, until he hit an iron shot into tap in birdie range on 14. When I left my 30 footer for birdie short, he was 2 up with 4 to go, and he was getting a stroke from me on 18. Not good. A par and birdie on 15 and 16 pulled me even, and then it was finger nail biting time... The 17th was a 180 yard hole with swirling wind. At first I thought the wind was in our face, and I had a 5-iron,... then it seemed to switch to our back, so I grabbed a 7. Then I didn't know what to do, so I just said "screw it, hit a hard 6", and I got it up about 25 feet from the hole. Shades hit his a little right into a chipping area and made a great chip shot to tap in range. We both parred... all even on 18. You could cut the tension with a knife... even Excal managed to stay quiet. 18 is a tough driving hole... I found the fairway, but Shades was in a fairway bunker... he hit a great shot from about 165, but it flew long and was over the green. I had wedge in and chunked it a bit, and left myself about the 50th 30 foot birdie putt of the weekend. Shades chipped his up about 8 feet from the hole, which was a good shot... that putt was to win The Cup. He got over the ball, said "trust it"... and then backed off. Uh oh.

He missed it.

I tapped in for par and we finished "all square". We've always played this match with Ryder Cup rules, in that the current holder of The Cup keeps it in the event of a tie.

Phew.

So, 72 holes of golf, 72 (at least) bottles of beer, many laughs, etc. I don't anticipate touching a golf club for a few weeks... I'm burned out and my wife would kill me.

Good News, Bad News...

Bad news first... I played like I was on the Craig Perks' All-Star team yesterday. A miserable 80, that frankly could have been much worse. The good news... the course was set up so ridiculously tough that the leader came in at 75*. The better news is that only 3 other people broke 80. So, despite playing like a dog, I still have a slugger's chance in this thing. The funny thing is that I am more mad knowing that 75 was leading than if someone shot 70. I think of the two short putts I lipped out, the two balls I had to play sideways, etc. Lots of pissed away strokes. Oh well... I got good and drunk and watched the Cocks beat Georgia, so the day wasn't completely lost...


* There are 18 guys in the "championship" flight... all with 5 handicaps or better. And only 4 rounds in the 70s. Yeah, it was a bit ridiculous out there. One poor bastard shot 95 net 95.

Club Championship...

FPGPers... let's take some of those positive vibes you like to send JG, and send them my way... club championship this week here in Texas. I'm playing in the Championship flight, which is nice because everyone has to play scratch... no sandbagging 7-handicapper can shoot two 74s and win it... I'm currently a 1.6, so playing scratch won't kill me... I think there may be a couple + guys out there though. Anyone want to fly into Dallas and do a Gillooly for me?

Send me some positive vibes you bastards!

In other news, the Yankees suck.

Four Year Old Kid Can Outdrive Excal!!!

When asked to comment, Excal could only be heard muttering... "no justice."

Four year old Kyle, on the other hand, commented "step back to the men's tee with me Excal... I'll give you two a side."

One Final Note on Excal...

I give Joel a lot of shit for never buying anything new, or for that matter... cleaning his golf stuff. His clubs have caked on mud that would need carbon dating to be properly analyzed... his shoes have turned colors from the dirt... anyone who's ever played with him recognizes his "dirty Cocks" hat. Well, yesterday's outfit looked strangely familiar to me... mind you, I play golf with Joel maybe once a year these days... so, I went to the photo vault and found this picture.

Warning... disturbing image...

The creation date on this file was May 21, 2001. Just over 6 years ago...

Folks, I am here to tell you that da former commish was wearing the same shirt and visor yesterday... I can't vouch for the shorts. Now, the fact that I couldn't fit into anything I owned 6 years ago aside... this is, in a word... "pathetic." I think I am going to siphon off some of the FPGP funds this year and next to start a "one new shirt a year" foundation for Tiger Philp.

Oh, and the shirt had a big hole in the back also.

I think that if the FPGP Open happens, and Tiger decides to bring this "outfit" with him... we need to do a ceremonial burning. Something... anything.

Yes, between that shirt and the mime outfit, I definitely had my fill of horizontal stripes...

Excal at Colonial... The Thrilling Conclusion

Well, Excal got the better of me today... giving 14 strokes and 600 yards of golf course, I just couldn't get 'er done. We pushed the front nine when I made a clutch birdie on 9 to square it up and get back to even par, but the gas tank was empty. The wind, the mud, the constant watching of the vertigo-inducing "move" that Excal was working on... I was 36-42, while he grinded out a 46-46 and beat me 3 and 2.

For the weekend then we had me at 77-73-78 and Excal at 97-92-92... well under Vegas' over/under line... although Vegas didn't anticipate Excal would play the last two courses from 6200 yards. Fun times were had by all, and I learned a lot about our former commish, such as...

1. He does not like the sight of houses on a golf course. This was a constant issue for him. Apparently the presence of wealth ruins his day of drinking and smoking cigars... oh yeah, and trying to hit a golf ball.

2. He will whine and moan like a girl if he has to play from the men's tees. Rather, he likes to set it up from the front/seniors tees and have at it. As he says "I have to play my game," which is absolutely correct... and that game resembles that of a 63 year old 23 handicapper.

3. He likens himself as a "little terrier... always grinding." Yeah... whatever.

4. As a golfer, he is a pretty good mime.

That looks like my last round of golf with an FPGPer (other than Stan the Man) for a while, at least until the FPGP Open. Excal says he's in for October in Myrtle Beach... are we doing this thing or not?

Excal at Colonial... Part Deux

Well, despite the weird weather, we were able to get in our 36 holes today. We really lucked out... only rained on us for one hole, and that wasn't even that bad. Both courses were a little soggy, and it was windy as all hell... but we made it through.

In the morning round, I gave Excal 14 shots... that is, 1 shot per hole on all holes that were not par 3s. I beat him 3 and 2, and shot 77 to his 97. I took all sides of the Nassau. Saweeeet. In the afternoon, he had the same deal, but played a set of tees that were 600 yards shorter than mine (6850 to 6250). I got him 3 and 2 again, and shot 73 to his 92. Excal actually played pretty well on the back 9, and had a chance to win that part of the Nassau, but he pulled the old 3 tap choke on 18, when 2 putts would have cinched it. In his words... "pathetic."

All and all, a somewhat wet and exhausting day. Thankfully, the mime outfit never made it back out.

We have 18 more tomorrow at a course that I've never played, so we'll see how it goes.

Colonial Weekend with Excal

Excal is going to be down in the Big D this weekend... we are taking in the Colonial on Friday, playing 36 on Saturday, and 18 on Sunday. Toss in some seats to the Sox/Rangers game on Friday night, and it's going to be big fun. He's been griping about the state of his golf game lately, but this may just be a ploy to get more strokes. For the record, I am not giving up more than a stroke a hole with no strokes on the par 3s. No man should ask another man for more than that. And besides, that is a TON in match play.

The question of the week is, "what will Excal shoot?" I had a friend down here a month ago during the Nelson who is of similar "calibur" as Excal, and he put up a cumulative 300. We'll be playing 2 of the 3 same courses, and the 3rd will probably be a bit easier. Toss in the fact that Excal is a wimp and won't play the course from the same tees I will, and I think an appropriate over/under will be 294 (averaging 98 / round). The biggest factor will be when the famous "MBP" kicks in... that's "Maximum Beer Potential" for those of you who don't know Excal... he believes he plays better when he's loaded.

Sixty Frigging Nine!

What a difference a driver makes... I've been struggling for the last month with my big boy, and finally had to sit it for a home-made driver that Stan the Man built for me. I hit it at the range this afternoon, and had the itch to play afterwards.

What a great idea!

I had a 6 birdie round of 69... with a damned bogey on 18. Three birdies on the four par 5s, a couple deuces on the par 3s (including the sweetest "little" 6-iron I've ever hit in my life on a 220 yard downwind par 3 16th... I hit it in there about half a foot), and one hole out from about 80 yards for birdie, after I got tangled in some trees on 9. It was pretty much a round where everything went right.

This round was a couple weeks too late for the Eat Crow Open, but I'm glad it finally showed up!

Byron Nelson Weekend

What a weekend... quick summary:

Thursday: Spent the morning following JG's group at Cottonwood. Shades and I were like a couple school girls after that birdie-birdie start. Spent the afternoon over at TPC following random players. My wife, Shades, Stan the Man and I had dinner with JG and MG on Thursday night... big fun.

Friday: Two rounds of golf... the second was at TPC Craig Ranch. JG pulled some strings for me and the boys and got us out there. Amazing. We are eternally grateful, and actually felt bad that we were playing a better track than JG was that day. :-) By day's end, Shades was in an 8-down hole to me, and another friend had shot a cumulative 204 for 36. Yowzas.

Saturday: Spent the day at the Nelson... bounced from JG's group to various beer tents, then did the "Dallas thing" and spent the afternoon at the Pavillion looking at the beautiful people, drinking too much, and getting a scorching sun burn. The gang came back to Chez New Tex where we had a little BBQ and Beerfest late into the night.

Sunday: One last round of golf. I closed out Shades 8 and 7, but he took my friend Jim for $25 in the Sucker Bet of the Century. My friend Shane (Mr. 204) took me for a dinner bet though... I gave him a stroke a hole in match play, and the fucker hit an iron off every tee. Bastard. He beat me 2 and 1. I knew I was in trouble when I was even par through 7 holes on the back 9 and couldn't get on him. Note to self. A shot a hole in match play is a ton. Shane missed a 3 footer for par on the last hole and carded a 96. That is an even 300 for 3 rounds. His new nickmane is "Earl Anthony." You just can't make this stuff up.

The worst thing about a weekend like that... The Monday Morning Reality. Ugh.

I'll have an FPGP update for you guys later today... Shades is en route to Charleston, so don't expect a "pretty" one until tomorrow or later tonite.

Golf Anyone?

Hey Florida FPGPers... I am going to be in Daytona on May 22nd for work... Would anyone be interested in playing golf on the afternoon of the 21st? I have no clue if any of you are close or not, but I'd probably be able to get into Daytona on the 21st sometime in the morning, and we could tee it up in the afternoon.

Quad

Ugh... long story short, I played with Krust today out in his neck of the woods (Mansfield National). A decent, but pretty easy course that was playing way too short... I should have played the tips. Thru 15, I was +1 and seemingly in complete control. Then the 16th hole happened. A wonderful 9... A Quad. A Near Double Par. Finished with a 78 despite that atrocity.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Deafening Silence

Well... Shades decided to not post the ass-whoopin' he put on me today. Hmmm... the psychological warfare for the Nelson golf weekend begins.

I am in Charleston for work, and flew in early to play a round with Jeff at Oak Pointe on Kiawah. I'd like to blame my shitty ass game on being tired from getting up super early, or on being stuck on a 3 hour flight... but crap... I just stunk it up out there today. I put up a fugly 83 to Shades' 80. My bogey-par-double-double finish was like watching a monkey fuck a football.

On the bright side, it looks like I get 3 strokes in April. Sweet.

Nice course... more "target golf" than I am comfortable with, particularly since Shades offers no guidance whatsoever. The course seemed to be designed with my game in mind, as I found every sand trap on the damned place, a water hazard or two, and various other spots that "members" like Jeff seem to avoid with ease. The classic was the last hole... it looks a lot like the 18th at the Ocean Course... Jeff says "it's 230 to carry the hazard." It is so flat, all of the bunkers in the distance look like they are beside the green, so I say "uhhh... ok" and proceed to hit what I thought was a good ball... then I hear "oh, that's in the trap." Well, shit. A 270 yard frozen rope 3-wood, right into the middle of a bunker that looked like it was 350 yards away. Shit again.

And yeah, Shades did provide a yardage book... but I like to play by "feel." (OK, I am choking on my own spit on that one...).

One Hole

I always figured that on any given hole, I could take down a Tour guy like JG. Unfortunately, I usually play 17 shitty ones around it... anyway, today was one of those holes. The 10th at the place I play is a 545 yard par 5, that winds around downhill and to the left. Today it was playing downwind. I nutted a ball off the tee about 350, hit 7-iron in from 195, and drained a 20 footer for eagle. It was my 12 minutes of "holy shit, maybe I can play this game." Of course, it was sandwiched around a bogey on 9 and a bogey on 11... but that is not the point. For one hole, the world was right. I was playing with Krust, and showed him the 7-iron before I hit it so he could attest to it... I knew I was going to make an eagle on that hole... I don't know why.I shot 74, which was not half bad considering I was half drunk and it was windy out. I shot 78 in the morning which was a tragedy... bogeyed four of the last five holes.

The wife is out of town, so I snuck in a "quick" 36 today.Another mini highlight for the day... I made a pair of 2s on the same par 3. Last week I made a friggin' triple bogey on that little hole... today, I made an 8 footer in the morning and a tap in (hit the pin with the tee shot... what the hell?) in the afternoon.

On the day, I had 5 birdies, and eagle, and a hole lot of slapping the ball around the course. Let's start talking trash boys... it's not just about making fun of the best players in the world. That stupid "mygolfrecord.com" has my handicap at 1.9, and I am almost starting to believe it. Woot!Update tomorrow...