Here Come the Tears

I am way psyched about the upcoming U.S. Open at Winged Foot and a possible massacre redux, but my spidey sense is tingling. Now I have respect for the dead and Tiger's old man appeared genuine, but aren't we about to be bludgeoned by the "1st Major without his Dad" storyline. The gentle Ben and Harvey Penick thing has been done and I don't care to see Tiger blubbering like Maury Povich after a paternity test reveal. Let's all vow to turn off the set at the first sign of a "man cry." Feherty cowering naked in Golf Digest, Barroid Bonds whimpering on his ESPN show, Adam crying after a semi-final loss in March Madness...what ever happened to some healthy, good, old-fashioned repression. It's time to nut up an play ball without anybody getting in touch with anything other than a velvet cord victory grip!

Bandit Pulls Trigger

Just received word from Da Bandit that he has made his trade decision... I'll post it tomorrow along with Robbo's and Johnny V.'s, assuming they make one.

THIS IS THE LAST DAY FOR A TRADE FOLKS!!

UPDATE 5/30 and FINAL TRADE WARNING

Here is the update for this week:

TRADES MUST BE ANNOUNCED BY C.O.B. TOMORROW, May 31st, 2006. If I don't get a trade email from you, you will not be allowed to make one. Because this is pretty neck and neck in the top 3 spots, I will not post trade information (if any comes in) until THURSDAY. I don't want a repeat of some of the "banditting" that has gone on in the past.

I DONE PICKED THE WRONG FAT MAN!

Double stuffed oreo damn! Buttertits on the fritz and Tim "Lumpy" Herron goes off like he's at a Barnhill's buffet. Here's a hefty we can love; He reminds me of a manatee. This boy has been big since he got his first pair of husky toughskins at Sears. I'm looking for some motivating storyline, this St. Jude's Memphis tournament is less exciting than a WNBA exhibition. I am throwing my full support behind the big behind of the lumpster, any bandwagoners want to jump on before the axles brake?

We Have A Fan!!!

Hey FPGPers... looks like we have a fan... check out the comments in recent posts, particularly those about Buttertits Gore. Looks like his boyfriend "G.W." is lurking on our blog, and is quite upset about our little pool and our comments. Oh well, to each his own.

Welcome to the blog "G.W."... if you want to join us officially next year, your money is welcome. I will reserve Gore for you... at this pace, he'll be going off around 145... or 1/2 his body weight.

Jason Gore is congratulated by "G.W." (striped shirt) after succesfully downing 17 hot dogs before his openning round last week.

ROBBO BACK ON TOP!!

Robbo has rebounded from his brief fall from the top, and has overtaken Stevie V.

Richard Johnson

Go Dick Go!

JJ Finish

JJ Henry played the last 4 holes +4. This included a 7 on the par 4 15th after the crowd began to chant the infamous Schwarzenegger line "Girlie Man" as he approached the tee. So it goes ....

Fat Man Hurt

From the Colonial: Jason Gore, who played with Pampling, withdrew because of a right elbow injury at No. 3. After his drive, he released the club which almost hit a television camera behind him and grabbed his arm. He put ice on it and tried to take one more shot before leaving the course.

Probably a repetitive motion injury from lifiting one-too-many of these.

Jason Gore

From the Dallas Morning News:

Big Jason Gore birdied the final three holes for a 66. Afteward, he stressed the importance of a strong finish. "It always makes lunch taste better," he said "Not that I have a problem with that."

How Do They Get Jobs?

I am sitting in my office, reading the Dallas Morning News while taking lunch... not surprisingly, there is a section on the Colonial, and of course, they have to handicap the field. Staff Writer Bill Nichols has his "projected finish", that player's finish at the Colonial over the last 3 years, and a comment. Here are a couple beauts:

4. Mike Weir, 2003- DNP, 2004- t-61, 2005- Cut

The comment?

"Course suits his game."

Uh, really? Then how come he has not cracked the top SIXTY in the last 3 years?

10. Ryan Palmer, 2003- DNP, 2004- Cut, 2005, t-69

The comment?

"Membership has its privaleges."

What the hell does that mean? I guess Ryan plays out of Colonial Country Club... but his "success" the last few years suggests that he can't win the B-flight Club Championship there.

In their list of players to "watch out for" they list:
Rich Beem
David Duval
Jason Gore
David Frost
Todd Hamilton
Hunter Mahan
Duffy Waldorf

to name a few... what is the over/under for the number of these players that will need to be "watched out for?" 1? 2? I'll lay the line like this... the over/under is 2 for "the number of these guys who will finish in the top 15."

Joel and Fraser TRADES

This just in from da former commish...

Stevie T!!!

Yea, I kow, this FPGP stuff should be on the web but here we go....

1. I am trading Andre "I don't play golf anymore" Stolz for Ian "go Canada" Leggat. In 2005, Leggat was below Stolz on the list (223 vrs 215) and is currently at #220.

2. Fraser is trading Joey "sniffling" Snyder III for Craig "my exemption is almost up" Perks. In 2005, Perks was below Joey on the list (72 vrs 206) and is is currently #228

As they say, da' check is in the mail.....
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These trades will be reflected in next week's update.

WE HAVE A NEW LEADER

Looks like Robbo's "feets are a failin' him." What is he going to do? Who can he trade? This is shaping up to be the closest FPGP in history, with just about everyone but poor Fraser still in the hunt for a cash finish.

Robbo's feet:

Anyone Know A Good Chiropractor?

According to FoxSports - Scott Verplank (shoulder) and Greg Owen (back) both withdrew after playing three holes Friday. ... An iffy back, perhaps that big number on Thursday and bogeys on Holes 2&3 on Friday rapidly degenerated the L4/5, S1 discs, more than likely he had a sore pre-frontal cortex. Oooooh the pain for owners and especially new owners!

Mahan and Trahan

What else do they have in common, other than the fact that their names sound similar and I was dumb enough to pick both of them?...

I just saw both at a bar/restaurant. What are the friggin odds? There were about a dozen Byron Nelson courtesy cars in the valet lot, and these two idiots are the players I recognize. At least they weren't drinking... much.

Yesss!

1st place again! I'm beginning to expect this (after a rather slow start in the FPGP), although I'm not sure how long this is gonna last. Da Rodent is passe'. The biggest threats are Johnny V., Stevie T. and da ever-present Bandit.

Stan the Man TRADE

As FPGPers continue to re-arrange the deck chairs on their respective Titanic's, I am please to announce our FOURTH trade of the week. Stan the Man has dumped Darren Clarke and taken Steve Elkington. This trade will be reflected in next week's update.

Choo Choo Sighting

This morning, I went into the McDonald's across from our apartment... a couple time a week, I go in there, grab a sweet tea (best in Las Colinas), and read the paper a bit before heading to work. Sitting across from me was KJ "Choo Choo" Choi! He had a little entourage and everything...

I know this is not much of a story... it would have been a lot more fun if I saw Jason Gore scarfing down McMeals, but alas...

Boeing Chamionship

The Boeing Chamionship (Champions Tour) is in Sandestin this week about 5 minutes from my house. If any FPGP member needs tickets or a place to refresh, I can support. I fanagled my way into one of the Pro-Ams on Tuesday, but I don not know my draw. I hope I don't get a Super Senior; I'll quit the game if some 70+ out drives me. If I get paired with Loren Roberts I'll pass on some of your comments, er, maybe not.

Stevie T. TRADE...

I have made my mind up on my trade... I am dumping DiMarco and picking up... Bob Tway.

Duval

BTW, as you will see with the updated standings (assuming Jeff ever posts them... if not, I will email an excel sheet to everyone tomorrow), Duval is the 2nd best pick in the FPGP so far this year...

Stevie V. TRADE

This just in... Stevie V. is dropping Todd "how the hell did i win a major" Hamilton, and picking up Shaun "how the hell did i win a major" Micheel. This will be reflected in next week's post-Nelson update.

Close standings

What a year for the FPGP! A close race with almost everyone with a chance to win or at least be in the money (sans poor fu -- ing Fraser!). So, why is Robbo so confident that he'll finish 1st or 2nd??? Who knows what goes on inside the head of a Rodent? Also, early predictions haven't fared too well in the FPGP.

It's nice to see newbie, albeit homophobe, Vic, initiate this year's trading (merci et bon chance Monsieur Vic). This French has likely made his anal opening pucker up! By the way, da Boca Bandit was also on the Jazz Fest trip (a Menage a trois???).

I have also made a trade which will narrow the gap a bit. Things may get interesting ---

Shitty Timing for the Nelson

Since moving to the area last June, I've been waiting for the Nelson... we live right across the damn street from the TPC Las Colinas. Alas, we are closing on a new house on Thursday, and moving all weekend... chances are, I won't even get to the course. Suck. I might try to make it over to the Colonial next weekend instead.

Here are pics of the new house... I guess it is worth missing a PGA Tourney.

Update 5/7 and VIC TRADE

Here is the non-fancy version of the update... Jeff will hopefully clean 'er up tomorrow.

Vic has made his trade... he dumped Sean O'Hair, and picked up Ben Crane at #95. This update reflects his trade.

Rob Da Rodent .....309
Stevie V. .................230
Johnny V. ..............225
Tiger Philp .............221
Jumpin Jeff ..........209
Da Bandit ..............208
Stan the Man ........191
Vic .........................173
Stevie T. ...............130
Fraser ................... -95

This is quite the close pool... first time I can remember it being bunched up this much.

Duval Sighting?

Mr. Duval lights it up on the back nine to make cut and actually get an early sniff at the leaders... currently in 10th place, but likely to drop as scores go low this afternoon.

Duval's card

Vic's Trade Question

Vic posted this in a comment section, and I thought it would be good to put it out on the blog, to make sure everyone understands the rules behind trades.

talonflier said...

I am looking for redemption via the trade, but I have one question regarding the trade. I understand that the player chosen must be lower than the player dumped based on 2005 final positions. Also, I understand all points +/- will be dumped for the dumpee, but how will points for the traded (new player) be calculated? Will it be based off of the current position (serving as the new baseline) +/- future delta, or off the 2005 end-o-year position? Lastly, why do Stevie V. and Rob continually engage (seen in yet another animal reference) in this perverse, reverse anthropomorphistic dialogue with oral fixation overtones (e.g. whose mouth is on whom pix?). They were traveling together for the New Orleans jazz festival (did you catch the caught from behind comment?). I'm not going to point any multi-colored flags here, but you can draw your own conclusions (Stevie also used french which is a foul in any blog). Being new I'll just assume we have a don't ask, don't tell policy in effect...not that there is anything wrong with----
May 04, 2006 9:11 PM

Steve said...
Thank you for the first real question on this blog in months...The trade is simple... you have to pick someone who was worse than your player in 2005. So, if you wanted to dump Sean O'Hair (a good idea by the way), you would have to pick someone ranked 20th or worse from the 2005 PGA Tour money list (O Hair was 19th).Now, let's say you decide to pick Mark Calcavechia... he was 25th on the 2005 money list, but is currently 97th (as of this post). His "starting" point for you would be 97, not 25. At the time of this post, he has earned $332,627. That would be deducted from his earnings on your tally... basically, the way I make the trade work in the spreadsheet is that I capture the player's current money total and subtract that from whatever their total becomes. Hopefully, that makes sense.So, the short story is that your trade basically puts you in that players shoes from the day he starts... his current money position is your start point, and you get credit for any money he earns going forward.As for Rob and Stevie V... I am not sure, but it provides entertainment... less so when the commentary ran through our Inboxes, but that lead to the creation of the blog.
May 04, 2006 9:46 PM

Rodent's Fate

Nice run while you had it, Robbo. But, you're about to be caught from behind. C'est destin!!!

Trade Deadline Approaches

The deadline for a trade is 5/30, and since that is fast approaching, I thought I would re-paste the trade rules for you wankers.
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One trade is allowed and it'll cost you a grand total of $20!! If you make a trade, the points that your new player earns will be counted from that point forward, and the points from your original player will be eliminated whether they are positive or negative. Trade details:

· The trade must be for one of your 7 "going-up" picks!!! That is, you cannot trade your short pick.

· Your trade needs to be made on or before (anytime before) May 30th, 2006. A trade occurs WHEN DA NEW COMMISH RECEIVES YOUR EMAIL. In other words, if one of your wankers emails me on June 1 to tell me you want to dump one of your losers, you will be told “tough shit.” Further, you have 1 week to send your $20 payment for the trade. If the envelope is post-marked after 1 week, the trade will be null and void. There will be NO discussion on this.

· The person you trade for must be ranked lower than the guy you traded. For example, if you want to trade Joe Durant and, he was ranked at #73 at the end of the 2005 season, the trade must be for someone was ranked #74 or lower (worse) at the end of the 2005 season.
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