Our Favorite Tour Player Is...

ya just gotta love the guy... read below...

i know not everyone in the pool checks in religiously, but take a look down a few posts and see... tuns out Jason has a great sense of humor and doesn't mind when a bunch of hacks make fun of him... kinda seems like the kind of guy you could hang out with, maybe have a beer or two, a hotdog or two, and lose a few bucks to along the line but smile all along.

Congrats Jason... you just increased your fan base by about 5 people... :-) Keep checking in... we want your (or your wife's) picks for next year's pool.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye... NEW BLOG RULE.

While we at FPGP Central Command do not believe in censorship, I think we need to cool it with the ButterTits comments here. Start with my "Welcome to the blog... Jason Gore" post and all the comments, and work you way back up to this one. Be sure to follow the URLs that are posted and look at the pictures. You will be convinced that our blog has been visited by The Gores, Jason and Megan. If you don't want to read all of it, I leave you with this picture of our commenter holding up the actual trophy JG won last year on Tour... I can't see this being faked, particularly as fast as she put it up after I suggested it. Click HERE for the photo.

Although we know this is all in fun, and the Gores are REMARKABLY cool about all of this poking fun, it doesn't seem right to be as nasty as we are if they are surfing the blog. Hell, Mrs. Gore may even join the damn pool next year, so let's be nice and take her money! :-)

I am all about making obnoxious commentaries and having fun... but let's keep the stuff to flesh wounds, not daggers to the heart. Honestly, it will be a lot more fun from me to have a PGA Tour Professional visit the blog from time to time, maybe drop a comment, give us some insight into life on the Tour, etc., than for us to just be stupid for our own amusement.

Sorry JG!

I'm conviced it is Jason and his wife that have blogged here. He seems to be the bigger "no offense" man here. For the trash talk we have put on him, he seems to be a cool guy, with an cool wife. I'm sure I've written a few things, and for that I appologize. I hope you can understand it was just fun amongst the guys in the FPGP and not really a personal thing.

Hittem' long and straight, except for the doglegs.

-Shades aka "Jumpin' Jeff"

Now Serving... Crow

Uh guys... I think it really may be Jason Gore and his wife that are commenting... check out the posts below... the last pic is pretty compelling... if they show us one with him in it, and it is doesn't look like a photoshop deal, well...

WE HAVE A PGA PLAYER READING OUR BLOG!!!

Of course, it is a PGA player who we have constantly made fun of, but so be it. It would be mucho cool if they actually joined the FPGP next year. It does bring up an ethical question though... we don't want to turn Jason into golf's version of Pete Rose.

It may also be someone with a great deal of time on their hands, but I am not getting that feeling here. Check out the post and comments below...

Welcome To Our Blog... Jason Gore

We seem to have lurkers who have turned into comment leavers who are representing themselves as... JASON GORE. Yes fellow FPGPers, the RoundOne is now reading our blog!!! We have achieved big-time. I told you there was a lot of upside to this blog idea. Anyway...

Welcome to the blog JG59... it is great to have you. I hope you understand that we poke fun, because we love. In fact, we have a great deal in common with you... for example:

1. No one in this pool is currently in the top 130 on the PGA Tour Money List.
2. No one in this pool works on the weekend.

See, that is two things we have in common... so let's all just get along. In fact, we would love for you to join our pool next year... if it is ethically possible of course. To be safe, make sure you don't "short" (rules are posted on the right) yourself, even though that might be the easiest pick to make.

Oh, and if you see that AssFuck Baddeley around, tell him to drop the bible, grab his clubs, and hit the damn driving range. I can break 80 from the back tees at that fucking course, so I expect a little more out of "Badds." Thanks.

Good Firewater In Connecticut

Don't look now, but Notah "DWI" Begay is near the top of the leaderboard.

And in the spirit of jinxing myself again,... D.J. Trahan is LEADING. I am sure he'll have a nice 75-83 finish on the weekend though, so you guys ahead of me have nothing to worry about.

Aaron Freaking Baddeley

Seriously, did he just decide to stop trying after his "breakthrough win" a couple months ago? Another fine round of 78 today... he couldn't even beat butter tits!

I think it is time for his hot ass wife to start "witholding" from him. No cut, no nookie! Something needs to be done to get this shit stain to concentrate. Seriously... this is simple operant conditioning... if he shoots 78 and still gets to bang her, who could blame the guy? However, if she has a "69 or better and you get 69 or better..." now that could be truly inspirational, motivating, and effective.

I should write a golf book.

WD for Butterboy

News flash! Gore just withdrew for the Buick. Tried to eat his putter and it didn't sit well with him ----

Is this part of a golf score or 2 phone numbers in Connecticut

3743463 3855334

Coming from Connecticut, I know a few amateurs who'd want a piece of Buttertits this weekend.

Apologies

We have a rain delay for the update for this week... the money list didn't refresh until late yesterday, and I don't see the point in putting up an update on a Wednesday... I'll get the next one up on Sunday, assuming they can actually finish on time.

Also, it completely slipped my mind to depost the last few trade checks... they've been in my office drawer for a while now... I'll do that this week. Sorry if I am fucking up you checking balance.

Update

Jeff had a small disaster in his home this weekend, involving a washing machine that not only filled the washing machine tub but also the entire first floor of his house... as such, he is out of pocket for a few days, and I am not going to bother with an update. We'll get er done for next week, assuming he is able to get back into his home.

And This Year's Winner...

... for the award of "Random Fat Fuck That Plays Well At The Open" is...

Kenneth Ferrie!
Take a bow, Tubs... assuming you can bend through the back. Your award will be presented by Jason Gore, as soon as he finishes off the all you can eat crab legs at the Red Lobster.

Streaming Video

In case you didn't know... ESPN.com is streaming video from the 6th and 10th holes at Winged Foot. So, those of us with real jobs can sneak a peak from time to time.

SHIT!!!

Damnit!!! I was out of town at the beginning of the week, and I totally forgot to do my side bet with Tiger Philp. We always draft players for each major. Damn! Tiger, if you read this by COB today (that's "Close Of Business") and want to do the draft, you can have the first pick... just do them under this post.

My being out of town also meant no update... I'll get one done after the Open.

Bigger and Stronger Players

It has been a sport in recent years where players have mashed the long ball with stunning, stupefying regularity.

It has been a sport where some of the top players in the game have become visibly bigger and stronger.

It has been a sport where, for far too long, there has been no drug-testing policy or even a written rule forbidding the use of performance-enhancing drugs.

No, silly, not baseball.

Golf... (FULL STORY)

Rocco's Demise???

It looks like da Rodent's trade for Rocco may be in jeopardy!!! That's right, after a fine 68 yesterday, he started today's round with a birdie. Alas, after double bogies on the next 2 holes he withdrew from the event! WOW, this tops the recent WD by Allenby. Perhaps his bad back was acting up. Or thoughts of the drop zone on #12 at Augusta reared up and slapped him senseless. Maybe he needs the help of a sports psychologist? What do ya say there Robbo?

Westchester Thoughts

Brett Quigley and Billy Andrade on the top of the leaderboard? What the hell is this, the Rhode Island Open? All we need now is Brad Faxon...

My boy Hunter Mahan is in a nice position... to shoot 77 tomorrow. Currently in 10th place, I expect him to have a stunning 38-39 tomorrow to fall back to the middle of the field.

Some Data

I was just goofing with the spreadsheet to make sure the formulas are correct... here is some fodder for discussion.

Excluding trades and short picks, the top 5 picks in the FPGP to date are:

1. David Duval (113 points)
2. Richard Johnson (98)
3. Stephen Ames (96)
4. "Tour Star" Danny Ellis (95)
5. Jesper Parnevik (74)

Conversely, the worst picks so far, excluding trades, shorts, and the guys who got dumped are:

1. D.J. Trahan (-57)
2. Padraig Harrington (-49)
3. Paul Casey (-45)
4. Jason "Staying Home During the Open" Gore (-35)
5. Sergio Garcia (-33)

The "average" score per player, excluding trades and shorts is 20.8

The median score is 20 (which is Jimmy Walker)

There is also a near perfect correlation with the order of the trades and how well they are doing... what I mean is that the first trade (Jeff's for Greg Owen) has been the best, and they get progressively worse the longer we waited to execute a trade... that may turn out differently by the end of the year though.

Tiger Philp and Trevor Immelman... Separated at Birth?

Maybe I think all people who are in need of a haircut and wear goofy white visors look the same... but there is a resemblance, no? (not in the gut area).

Post Memorial LEADERBOARD

RIP: Tommy Cuthbert

Charleston Post and Courier story on Tommy Cuthbert.

F PGA Golfers!

Ok, not all PGA golfers, but Allenby. Makes the cut and WD's. He best be hurt. I think the PGA should put in a penalty that if you WD for an event, regardless of the reason, you are not allowed to play the next Major, or next 3 events if the player doesn't qualify for a Major.

PGA Championship Curse

So, I was looking at the Memorial scores... and I saw that my Rich "Beem me up some bogeys" shot 83. 83!!! That is just embarrasing. Then I thinking "how the hell did this guy win a major?" and "what the fuck was I smoking when I made my picks" and then "I am kind of hungry..." but I digress.

I looked at the last 20 winners of the PGA Championship. Basically, if this is your only major, you have a shitty career after winning it. Look for yourself.

2005 — Phil Mickelson, Baltsurol, Springfield, New Jersey
2004 — Vijay Singh, Whistling Straits, Kohler, Wisconsin
2003 — Shaun Micheel, Oak Hill, Rochester, New York
2002 — Rich Beem, Hazeltine, Chaska, Minnesota
2001 — David Toms, Atlanta Athletic Club, Duluth, Georgia
2000 — Tiger Woods, Valhalla, Louisville, Kentucky
1999 — Tiger Woods, Medinah, Medinah, Illinois
1998 — Vijay Singh, Sahalee, Redmond, Washington
1997 — Davis Love III, Winged Foot, Mamaroneck, New York
1996 — Mark Brooks, Valhalla, Louisville, Kentucky
1995 — Steve Elkington, Riviera, Los Angeles, California
1994 — Nick Price, Southern Hills, Tulsa, Oklahoma
1993 — Paul Azinger, Inverness, Toledo, Ohio
1992 — Nick Price, Bellerive, St. Louis
1991 — John Daly, Crooked Stick, Carmel, Indiana
1990 — Wayne Grady, Shoal Creek, Birmingham, Alabama
1989 — Payne Stewart, Kemper Lakes, Hawthorn Woods, Illinois
1988 — Jeff Sluman, Oak Tree, Edmond, Oklahoma
1987 — Larry Nelson, PGA National, Palm Beach Gardens, Florida
1986 — Bob Tway, Inverness, Toledo, Ohio

You basically have a list of guys with impressive careers and winners of multiple majors (like Tiger, Phil, Vijay... hell, even Larry Nelson), and just flat out "after I won this I was a scrub"... Tway never did anything else. Sluman never did anything else. Wayne Grady was a top 3 player in the world in 1990, but never did anything after winning this. Azinger, Elkington, Brooks... it is amazing. DL3 is hard to categorize, but he never won a big tourney after winning his PGA either.

I guess the lesson is this... when making an FPGP pick, don't add much weight to the "former winner of a major, PGA Championship" because it means diddly squat.

TRADES

Ok everyone, the trading deadline has come and gone... here are the last 2 moves.

Da Bandit has dropped Alex Cejka and has picked up Chris Smith.
Robbo has dropped Vijay Singh and has picked up Rocco Mediate.

Johnny V. stands pat, which may be the most shocking move of all. I did this last year, unable to move my worst player while I was in 2nd place, and it ended up costing me as I slid to 4th on the last weekend of the year.

As an aside, Robbo admitted that he waited until the 11th hour because he was waiting for Johnny V.'s trade to post on the blog... a little "Junior Bandit" game I guess.

These trades will be reflected in the next update... now that we are stuck with our teams, Jeff and I may not be quite as diligent with the updates... I'll try to do it every week, but if we miss one, sorry.

I am already thinking of some improvements for next year's FPGP. What would you guys think of having multiple trades? If this is going to be some kind of "fantasy league" I think we should be able to make more than one move. And, the more trades, the more cash in the kitty... I don't envision unlimitted trades, as I don't want to deal with those headaches... but maybe allowing 2 or 3. I'd also like to extend the number of players we actually pick, which would also present a "I may need to make more trades" problem. Give me some input on this... I don't want to set it up so that it precludes folks from getting in the pool... rather, I'd like to see this pool double in participants next year... again, more money in the pot, and suddenly this becomes REALLY interesting. I'd love to see everyone recruit one more person for next year... show em the blog, show em the little fun we have... it is about the cheapest entertainment I get.

Here Come the Tears

I am way psyched about the upcoming U.S. Open at Winged Foot and a possible massacre redux, but my spidey sense is tingling. Now I have respect for the dead and Tiger's old man appeared genuine, but aren't we about to be bludgeoned by the "1st Major without his Dad" storyline. The gentle Ben and Harvey Penick thing has been done and I don't care to see Tiger blubbering like Maury Povich after a paternity test reveal. Let's all vow to turn off the set at the first sign of a "man cry." Feherty cowering naked in Golf Digest, Barroid Bonds whimpering on his ESPN show, Adam crying after a semi-final loss in March Madness...what ever happened to some healthy, good, old-fashioned repression. It's time to nut up an play ball without anybody getting in touch with anything other than a velvet cord victory grip!

Bandit Pulls Trigger

Just received word from Da Bandit that he has made his trade decision... I'll post it tomorrow along with Robbo's and Johnny V.'s, assuming they make one.

THIS IS THE LAST DAY FOR A TRADE FOLKS!!

UPDATE 5/30 and FINAL TRADE WARNING

Here is the update for this week:

TRADES MUST BE ANNOUNCED BY C.O.B. TOMORROW, May 31st, 2006. If I don't get a trade email from you, you will not be allowed to make one. Because this is pretty neck and neck in the top 3 spots, I will not post trade information (if any comes in) until THURSDAY. I don't want a repeat of some of the "banditting" that has gone on in the past.

I DONE PICKED THE WRONG FAT MAN!

Double stuffed oreo damn! Buttertits on the fritz and Tim "Lumpy" Herron goes off like he's at a Barnhill's buffet. Here's a hefty we can love; He reminds me of a manatee. This boy has been big since he got his first pair of husky toughskins at Sears. I'm looking for some motivating storyline, this St. Jude's Memphis tournament is less exciting than a WNBA exhibition. I am throwing my full support behind the big behind of the lumpster, any bandwagoners want to jump on before the axles brake?

We Have A Fan!!!

Hey FPGPers... looks like we have a fan... check out the comments in recent posts, particularly those about Buttertits Gore. Looks like his boyfriend "G.W." is lurking on our blog, and is quite upset about our little pool and our comments. Oh well, to each his own.

Welcome to the blog "G.W."... if you want to join us officially next year, your money is welcome. I will reserve Gore for you... at this pace, he'll be going off around 145... or 1/2 his body weight.

Jason Gore is congratulated by "G.W." (striped shirt) after succesfully downing 17 hot dogs before his openning round last week.

ROBBO BACK ON TOP!!

Robbo has rebounded from his brief fall from the top, and has overtaken Stevie V.

Richard Johnson

Go Dick Go!

JJ Finish

JJ Henry played the last 4 holes +4. This included a 7 on the par 4 15th after the crowd began to chant the infamous Schwarzenegger line "Girlie Man" as he approached the tee. So it goes ....

Fat Man Hurt

From the Colonial: Jason Gore, who played with Pampling, withdrew because of a right elbow injury at No. 3. After his drive, he released the club which almost hit a television camera behind him and grabbed his arm. He put ice on it and tried to take one more shot before leaving the course.

Probably a repetitive motion injury from lifiting one-too-many of these.

Jason Gore

From the Dallas Morning News:

Big Jason Gore birdied the final three holes for a 66. Afteward, he stressed the importance of a strong finish. "It always makes lunch taste better," he said "Not that I have a problem with that."

How Do They Get Jobs?

I am sitting in my office, reading the Dallas Morning News while taking lunch... not surprisingly, there is a section on the Colonial, and of course, they have to handicap the field. Staff Writer Bill Nichols has his "projected finish", that player's finish at the Colonial over the last 3 years, and a comment. Here are a couple beauts:

4. Mike Weir, 2003- DNP, 2004- t-61, 2005- Cut

The comment?

"Course suits his game."

Uh, really? Then how come he has not cracked the top SIXTY in the last 3 years?

10. Ryan Palmer, 2003- DNP, 2004- Cut, 2005, t-69

The comment?

"Membership has its privaleges."

What the hell does that mean? I guess Ryan plays out of Colonial Country Club... but his "success" the last few years suggests that he can't win the B-flight Club Championship there.

In their list of players to "watch out for" they list:
Rich Beem
David Duval
Jason Gore
David Frost
Todd Hamilton
Hunter Mahan
Duffy Waldorf

to name a few... what is the over/under for the number of these players that will need to be "watched out for?" 1? 2? I'll lay the line like this... the over/under is 2 for "the number of these guys who will finish in the top 15."

Joel and Fraser TRADES

This just in from da former commish...

Stevie T!!!

Yea, I kow, this FPGP stuff should be on the web but here we go....

1. I am trading Andre "I don't play golf anymore" Stolz for Ian "go Canada" Leggat. In 2005, Leggat was below Stolz on the list (223 vrs 215) and is currently at #220.

2. Fraser is trading Joey "sniffling" Snyder III for Craig "my exemption is almost up" Perks. In 2005, Perks was below Joey on the list (72 vrs 206) and is is currently #228

As they say, da' check is in the mail.....
----
These trades will be reflected in next week's update.

WE HAVE A NEW LEADER

Looks like Robbo's "feets are a failin' him." What is he going to do? Who can he trade? This is shaping up to be the closest FPGP in history, with just about everyone but poor Fraser still in the hunt for a cash finish.

Robbo's feet:

Anyone Know A Good Chiropractor?

According to FoxSports - Scott Verplank (shoulder) and Greg Owen (back) both withdrew after playing three holes Friday. ... An iffy back, perhaps that big number on Thursday and bogeys on Holes 2&3 on Friday rapidly degenerated the L4/5, S1 discs, more than likely he had a sore pre-frontal cortex. Oooooh the pain for owners and especially new owners!

Mahan and Trahan

What else do they have in common, other than the fact that their names sound similar and I was dumb enough to pick both of them?...

I just saw both at a bar/restaurant. What are the friggin odds? There were about a dozen Byron Nelson courtesy cars in the valet lot, and these two idiots are the players I recognize. At least they weren't drinking... much.

Yesss!

1st place again! I'm beginning to expect this (after a rather slow start in the FPGP), although I'm not sure how long this is gonna last. Da Rodent is passe'. The biggest threats are Johnny V., Stevie T. and da ever-present Bandit.

Stan the Man TRADE

As FPGPers continue to re-arrange the deck chairs on their respective Titanic's, I am please to announce our FOURTH trade of the week. Stan the Man has dumped Darren Clarke and taken Steve Elkington. This trade will be reflected in next week's update.

Choo Choo Sighting

This morning, I went into the McDonald's across from our apartment... a couple time a week, I go in there, grab a sweet tea (best in Las Colinas), and read the paper a bit before heading to work. Sitting across from me was KJ "Choo Choo" Choi! He had a little entourage and everything...

I know this is not much of a story... it would have been a lot more fun if I saw Jason Gore scarfing down McMeals, but alas...

Boeing Chamionship

The Boeing Chamionship (Champions Tour) is in Sandestin this week about 5 minutes from my house. If any FPGP member needs tickets or a place to refresh, I can support. I fanagled my way into one of the Pro-Ams on Tuesday, but I don not know my draw. I hope I don't get a Super Senior; I'll quit the game if some 70+ out drives me. If I get paired with Loren Roberts I'll pass on some of your comments, er, maybe not.

Stevie T. TRADE...

I have made my mind up on my trade... I am dumping DiMarco and picking up... Bob Tway.

Duval

BTW, as you will see with the updated standings (assuming Jeff ever posts them... if not, I will email an excel sheet to everyone tomorrow), Duval is the 2nd best pick in the FPGP so far this year...

Stevie V. TRADE

This just in... Stevie V. is dropping Todd "how the hell did i win a major" Hamilton, and picking up Shaun "how the hell did i win a major" Micheel. This will be reflected in next week's post-Nelson update.

Close standings

What a year for the FPGP! A close race with almost everyone with a chance to win or at least be in the money (sans poor fu -- ing Fraser!). So, why is Robbo so confident that he'll finish 1st or 2nd??? Who knows what goes on inside the head of a Rodent? Also, early predictions haven't fared too well in the FPGP.

It's nice to see newbie, albeit homophobe, Vic, initiate this year's trading (merci et bon chance Monsieur Vic). This French has likely made his anal opening pucker up! By the way, da Boca Bandit was also on the Jazz Fest trip (a Menage a trois???).

I have also made a trade which will narrow the gap a bit. Things may get interesting ---

Shitty Timing for the Nelson

Since moving to the area last June, I've been waiting for the Nelson... we live right across the damn street from the TPC Las Colinas. Alas, we are closing on a new house on Thursday, and moving all weekend... chances are, I won't even get to the course. Suck. I might try to make it over to the Colonial next weekend instead.

Here are pics of the new house... I guess it is worth missing a PGA Tourney.

Update 5/7 and VIC TRADE

Here is the non-fancy version of the update... Jeff will hopefully clean 'er up tomorrow.

Vic has made his trade... he dumped Sean O'Hair, and picked up Ben Crane at #95. This update reflects his trade.

Rob Da Rodent .....309
Stevie V. .................230
Johnny V. ..............225
Tiger Philp .............221
Jumpin Jeff ..........209
Da Bandit ..............208
Stan the Man ........191
Vic .........................173
Stevie T. ...............130
Fraser ................... -95

This is quite the close pool... first time I can remember it being bunched up this much.

Duval Sighting?

Mr. Duval lights it up on the back nine to make cut and actually get an early sniff at the leaders... currently in 10th place, but likely to drop as scores go low this afternoon.

Duval's card

Vic's Trade Question

Vic posted this in a comment section, and I thought it would be good to put it out on the blog, to make sure everyone understands the rules behind trades.

talonflier said...

I am looking for redemption via the trade, but I have one question regarding the trade. I understand that the player chosen must be lower than the player dumped based on 2005 final positions. Also, I understand all points +/- will be dumped for the dumpee, but how will points for the traded (new player) be calculated? Will it be based off of the current position (serving as the new baseline) +/- future delta, or off the 2005 end-o-year position? Lastly, why do Stevie V. and Rob continually engage (seen in yet another animal reference) in this perverse, reverse anthropomorphistic dialogue with oral fixation overtones (e.g. whose mouth is on whom pix?). They were traveling together for the New Orleans jazz festival (did you catch the caught from behind comment?). I'm not going to point any multi-colored flags here, but you can draw your own conclusions (Stevie also used french which is a foul in any blog). Being new I'll just assume we have a don't ask, don't tell policy in effect...not that there is anything wrong with----
May 04, 2006 9:11 PM

Steve said...
Thank you for the first real question on this blog in months...The trade is simple... you have to pick someone who was worse than your player in 2005. So, if you wanted to dump Sean O'Hair (a good idea by the way), you would have to pick someone ranked 20th or worse from the 2005 PGA Tour money list (O Hair was 19th).Now, let's say you decide to pick Mark Calcavechia... he was 25th on the 2005 money list, but is currently 97th (as of this post). His "starting" point for you would be 97, not 25. At the time of this post, he has earned $332,627. That would be deducted from his earnings on your tally... basically, the way I make the trade work in the spreadsheet is that I capture the player's current money total and subtract that from whatever their total becomes. Hopefully, that makes sense.So, the short story is that your trade basically puts you in that players shoes from the day he starts... his current money position is your start point, and you get credit for any money he earns going forward.As for Rob and Stevie V... I am not sure, but it provides entertainment... less so when the commentary ran through our Inboxes, but that lead to the creation of the blog.
May 04, 2006 9:46 PM

Rodent's Fate

Nice run while you had it, Robbo. But, you're about to be caught from behind. C'est destin!!!

Trade Deadline Approaches

The deadline for a trade is 5/30, and since that is fast approaching, I thought I would re-paste the trade rules for you wankers.
-----------------
One trade is allowed and it'll cost you a grand total of $20!! If you make a trade, the points that your new player earns will be counted from that point forward, and the points from your original player will be eliminated whether they are positive or negative. Trade details:

· The trade must be for one of your 7 "going-up" picks!!! That is, you cannot trade your short pick.

· Your trade needs to be made on or before (anytime before) May 30th, 2006. A trade occurs WHEN DA NEW COMMISH RECEIVES YOUR EMAIL. In other words, if one of your wankers emails me on June 1 to tell me you want to dump one of your losers, you will be told “tough shit.” Further, you have 1 week to send your $20 payment for the trade. If the envelope is post-marked after 1 week, the trade will be null and void. There will be NO discussion on this.

· The person you trade for must be ranked lower than the guy you traded. For example, if you want to trade Joe Durant and, he was ranked at #73 at the end of the 2005 season, the trade must be for someone was ranked #74 or lower (worse) at the end of the 2005 season.
------------------

This Update is FUNK-ed Up!!

Here is the preliminary update for this week... the data have been sent to Jeff, so hopefully it will all get uploaded soon. If you want the full spreadsheet, let me know and I will email it to you.

Fred Funk had a real impact on the numbers... his 2nd place finish killed those of us who shorted him. We have a real log-jam for the first time in a while in the FPGP (with the exception of a few of us who are just plain awful). Trades are going to be critical.

Here are the numbers:

Rob Da Rodent .....273
Stevie V. ................220
Jumpin Jeff ..........206
Tiger Philp .............191
Da Bandit ..............189
Johnny V. .............184
Stan the Man ........177
Steve T. ...................60
Vic ...........................57
Fraser ....................-59

Updates and Trades

hey everyone... sorry for the lack of update this week. I had to go out of town unexpectedly, and Jeff's computer problems flared up. We'll get updates up next week, and try to get em done every week through the trade deadline, which is fast approaching.

Shell/Houston Open and the data sheet updated

I finally got off my butt, rather, I finally had time to do it. Go make your trades. There are still a few jems out there.

Here is a preview article for this weekend:

The Houston stop has a long history on the PGA Tour with tournaments held in the Houston area as early as 1922. The tournament has been contested on a number of different courses and is on its second change in four years. The event ended its 28-year stay at the Woodlands in 2002 before moving to the remote Redstone Golf Club in Humble, Texas. The Hardy-Jacobson course hosted the event during the tournament’s first three years at Redstone moving this year to Redstone’s Rees Jones layout.

The Rees Jones course, known as the Tournament Course, is a 7,481 yard par 72 design built with collaboration from Tour player David Toms. The course features MiniVerde greens and TifSport fairways. MiniVerde is a high shoot density grass that tolerates continuous close mowing and is a heat tolerant strain for the hot Houston summers. TifSport is another Bermuda hybrid that also tolerates the close mowing required for Tour courses and features rapid regeneration. The tournament tees play to a USGA rating of 75.8 and a slope rating of 138. The Tournament Course will be completely free of real estate development.

The list of winners at Houston reads like a brief history of golf as it includes historic figures like Byron Nelson, Bobby Locke, Arnold Palmer, and Gary Player. The list of multiple winners is quite lengthy and includes Vijay Singh (2002, 2004, 2005), Curtis Strange (1980, 1986, 1988), Arnold Palmer (1957, 1966), Bobby Nichols (1962, 1965), Jack Burke Jr. (1952, 1959), Mike Souchak (1955, 1964), Cary Middlecoff (1950, 1953), Joe Kirkwood Sr. (1923, 1924). FULL STORY

UPDATE 4/17

Data to the right will be updated late Monday. It's a holiday afterall. No, not Easter Sunday. Patriots Day Monday. Red Sox 1st pitch at 11:05am.

Master's Side Bet - Results

Sorry Joel, but I took you for the full hundo. I actually thought it would be a split, but the numbers don't lie, and you can check the numbers:

Your team:
1. Goosen (-4) $315,700
2. Singh (-3) $210,000
3. Ollazabel (-4) $315,700
4. Campbell (-4) $315,700
5. Furyk (+3) $67,000

Total: $1,224,100

My team:
1. Mickleson (-7) $1,260,000

The rest of my team made the cut, but it doesn't matter because Mickelson made more than your team combined. So, I win:

$50 for "which team makes more money" bet and;
$50 for "picking the winner."

We'll do it again in June w/ the US Open I assume... you can pick first.

THE DUVAL EFFECT REDUX

Only got whipped by 5 shots by Golf Icon & former Masters champ Gary Player. DD can build off that when he plays regular tour events down the road.

Post Masters Update

Jeff and I were too busy golfing, drinking, and attending the Red Sox / Rangers game to get the update together this week... we'll post one next week.

The golf was never pretty, but still somewhat fun. I managed to beat Jeff 3 and 1 in our little match, but it was nothing to brag about. Our shots ranged from wildly spectacular to absolutely attrocious. On consecutive holes, Jeff stiffed irons, but would then hit crappy drives and three putts. I either hit a duck hook or 310 yard down the middle drive. Never struck and iron well, and never made a putt. It was really ugly to look at. Even Stan the Man suffered by our mere presence on the course with him.

The best play I made was on the 10th tee. I had been 2-up on the 7th, but Jeff won the last three holes of the nine (par-par-birdie). Seeing little chance to survive the onslaught, I decided to go to the psychological weaponry. As we were approaching the tee, I asked Jeff if he would be my best man in November. He said "yes" but was apparently rattled. He hooked the shit out of his drive, lost the hole, and never recovered. He'll get his rematch in November though.

Masters Side Bet

Hey Tiger... we need to get back to our usual bets on the majors. Rather than doing the draft by hitting each other on the emails, we can do it here... I can start a thread and we'll make our picks in the comments section. Sound good?

$50 for team that makes the most cash.
$50 bonus if you pick the winner.
Tiger is off the table.

Sunday Golf!

Jumpin' Jeff is coming to Texas this weekend, and he'll be teeing it up w/ me and Stan the Man on Sunday a.m.

Back... Again

Hey everyone, I am back... some of you know that my dad passed away unexpectedly last week, and that is why you haven't heard from me. I am getting back in the grind now, which means I'll be sending out my usual witty blogs soon.

I noticed that Jeff messed up the scoring... Stan the Man shouldn't get too excited, because Jeff didn't enter the data right, particularly with those in the grey (on the fpgp data sheet). No problemo, we'll get er done right next week.

Master's Sucks

Well, here's my annual tirade about the Master's; that over-hyped, weak-fielded, and discriminatory golf event. It's a disgrace to call it a major. As some proof, check out those eligible to play this year:

Tommy Aaron, Severiano Ballesteros, Gay Brewer, Jack Burke Jr, Billy Casper
Charles Coody, Ben Crenshaw, Raymond Floyd, Doug Ford, Bob Goalby,
Sandy Lyle, Larry Mize, Byron Nelson, Jack Nicklaus, Arnold Palmer,
Gary Player, Craig Stadler, Tom Watson, Ian Woosnam, Fuzzy Zoeller

Toss in the amateurs in the field who have no chance of winning (Dillon Dougherty, Kevin Marsh, Brian McElhinney, Edoardo Molinari, Clay Ogden) and that makes 25.

Throw in Todd Hamilton (who likely has vacation plans starting on the weekend) and ya have 26 without a chance to win. Hell, the 84 Lumber and Southern Farm Bureau Classics have stronger fields. Not eligible are J.B. Holmes, Camillo Villigas, and fat boy Jason Gore (2 of which won on the tour).

Call me silly, but I'd take da Rodent over Lord Byron, if he gave Robbo 2 shots a side. If I hadn't recently bought a flat screen, HDTV, and if it weren't so pretty to look at, I wouldn't watch the thing. --- Steve V.

Funk

Come on guys (that'd be Joel, Steve T., and Stan the Man) --- "We .. got the funk (we got it) ... "We .. got the funk ..."

Ya gotta love this guy!

TPC

WOW! D Love III, goes from T1 after Thursday to shooting +11 on Friday and missing the cut.

FPGP leaders thru the Bay Hill Invitational

Loren

I see that Loren Roberts is in the field at Sawgrass. This is great news!!! It's another chance for him to screw da Bandit (his short pick, again) like he did in last year's final tour event, the Southern Fram Bureau Classic where he finished 2nd! Watch out Bandit, Loren has an affinity for towns like Jackson --- ville.

Update after Bay Hill

I'll try to put together and update. Steve has some things going on this week, so if I can find the right files on my pc, I'll get an update put together by Monday evening.

Jeff aka Jumpin Jeff aka Shades......

Technology helps novice players pick clubs.

Bobby Jones wouldn't be happy.

More than 70 years ago, the golf legend made instructional films that taught Americans the fundamental swing. While no one is ready to suggest mastering the basics is no longer necessary, technology offers the tempting notion that day may come.

"If you can't hit with one of today's top-of-the-line drivers, you should probably try to bowl," said Tim Bambarger, club salesman at the Golfsmith store in Duluth.

A day before the official start of spring and less than a month until the BellSouth Classic tournament in Duluth, many Gwinnett golfers are hitting the links again.

As usual, the market will offer a new round of advanced equipment this year that can mask even the most flawed swings. The newest clubs won't come cheap, sometimes costing as much as $400. But plenty of novice players will gladly fork it over. FULL STORY

RETIEF GOOSEN

Poor bastard. By the quirks of PGA pairings, this top notch player has to watch close up 36 holes of pathetic has beens - Duval and Brooks. That can't be conducive to someone's game.
Let me be the first to state that methinks the so-called "Duval Effect" (posted earlier) might have been premature. He is indeeed as problematic of a proposition as guessing how many chili dogs Gore can wolf down in a round.

Back

I am back from my trip, and Jeff should be back in a day or so... expect an update after the Bay Hill. I am sure he is going to want to gloat on his Greg Owen move.

No Update This Week

I am out of town for the next week or two (work) and Jeff has somehow found a way to have another vacation and will be out of town during the beginning of the week... as such, there will be no update this week.

Leaderboard after Doral

Update Coming...

Jeff said he should be able to make the fancy update posts again, so I am going to let you wankers wait until he gets to it... that being said...

There is a change at the top of the leaderboard. Apparently, Robbo's feet have begun to fail him.

Beem Me Up!!!

Beemer having a nice mid-afternoon first round... I need a lot of help, this could be the start!!

Rich Beem's Scorecard

Sorry for the delay. My home network is f'd up. I'm on my neighbor's wifi. Wow does he have a lot of porn on his pc. I'll post his credit card numbers later.

Update (non-fancy variety)

Jeff is having router problems at home so here is a non-fancy update. Hopefully he can get that problem figured out, and get us the more extensive updates you have come to expect and love.

Rob Da Rodent -------------- 338
Tiger Philp --------------------316
Johnny V. ---------------------200
Stevie V. -----------------------162
Da Bandit ---------------------137
Vic ------------------------------130
Stan the Man -----------------113
Jumpin Jeff -------------------37
Stevie T. ---------------------- -6
Fraser --------------------- -144

Update Coming..

I have put together the newest update and sent it to Jeff... it should be posted later today. Let me say a few things before then:

1. No more Gossett Corollary... everyone counts now. If you have a guy who hasn't made a dime, his money ranking is 214.

2. My team is getting ready to pounce. Afterall, at -6 total points, they have no place to go but up.

3. Da Bandit is making a slow move towards the top.

4. "Tour Star" Danny Ellis' lousy $12k gives him about 50 points, so Tiger Philp has pretty much closed the gap with Da Rodent.

5. Fraser has now made two very big mistakes. First, he let Joel marry his daughter. Second, he let Joel make his FPGP picks. I may have to go through the archives to see if there is a lower score ever posted than his for this week.

We're In The Wrong Line of Work

Everyone could have done as well as Stephen Ames did today, and picked up the fat paycheck for just showing up. Isn't there an unwritten rule that if you lose 9-8, the only honorable recourse is to commit harikari (or, alternatively, to take the money & drink like Harry Carry). The FPGPers with that bum on their team should feel proud that he earned some cash, but I'd be concerned about the stiff down the road to nowhere.

Leaderboards

The shit I do for you wankers...

Because there are two official events this week, I put links to BOTH leaderboards on our sidebar. Match Play Championship starts today, Tucson starts tomorrow. Here's hoping for a DJ Trahan/Hunter Mahan playoff in Arizona, while Retief Goosen wins the Match Play tourney at the same time.

Non-Fancy Update

Remember the good old days, when we didn't have this great blog space? All you wankers would get from me was an email with a leaderboard... well, here is a retro-update for everyone. Jeff may still be in Disney, and I don't want you wankers crying about not getting an update... so, here is a quick leaderboard. Expect the fancy stuff back up when Jeff gets back this week.


Rob Da Rodent---------------367
Tiger Philp------------------ 264
Johnny V. -------------------261
Stevie V. --------------------237
Stan the Man ----------------177
Vic --------------------------83
Steve T. ---------------------75
Da Bandit --------------------65
Fraser ---------------------- -1
Jumpin Jeff --------------- -19

There is some irony here... you know, the FPGP jinx, whereby a player toots his own horn (or in this case posts a "hearing footsteps" blog, and then drops out of the money. Good stuff. The emergence of Jimmy "Dynomite" Walker helped push Tiger Philp forward into 2nd place. Otherwise, not a lot of big moves on the board.

As an aside, the Gossett Corollary will be lifted next week. I've wanted to give this a couple months, and also give the international wankers a chance to get money on the board. With the stupid match play tourney next week, that accomplishes both goals. Therefore, if a player is not on the money list, their official ranking for the FPGP will be The Lowest Posted Ranking + 1.

Hearing footsteps

Speaking of sounds, the thumping noise being heard by da Rodent is the movement upwards by the hungry team of Steve V.!!! Watch out ya hairy rat, this team eats nutrea and other varmints for snacks --- Steve "movin' on up" V.

That choking sound you hear is Mike Weir and Luke Donald. WOW my team really, really, really sucks. I thought we picked 7 short players and 1 up player. Thank god for Fred Funk.

Heading Out Of Town

I'll be out of town from Sunday until Thursday, so there may be no update this week. Jumpin Jeff, feel free to do it yourself if you want to. If not, you wankers can wait a week.

Did Tiger Phlp Pick The Wrong Ellis?

Only time will tell. As of the time of this post, John Ellis is -4 and Danny "Tour Star" Ellis is at even par. You can track them here, just click on the name to see how each player is doing:

John Ellis versus Danny "Tour Star" Ellis

And yes Jeff, this is an appropriate use of a title posed as a question.

A few random thoughts from the today's round (so far).

1. Stan the Man finally got one of his "limeys" to play in a tourney and play well. He is the only guy with Luke Donald, and could get a windfall of points this week with that pick.

2. Let me go ahead and jinx it right now... How 'bout that DJ Trahan? -4 in his round (so far today).

3. How bad is Alex Cejka? Wow.

4. Jason Gore is off to his typical start... a few under par. The inevitable collapse is as much of a foregone conclusion as his inevitable myocardial infarction.

That's all for now gang...

When is the Pebble Beach tournament on tv?

Golf Lesson: Visual Imagery

Most pros and accomplished amateurs as well as virtually all sports psychologist would tell you that one key to a succesful golf shot is to have positive mental imagery. The goal is to picture the shot as you would like it to travel. By seeing it's flight and imagining the contact on the club, you are more likely to execute a good swing.

New technology has allowed us to peer into some of the Tour's most famous golfers minds and taking a peek at their mental imagery. Gentleman, I present to you the first ever look into Jason Gore's mind, moments before executing a golf swing.

















Hmmmm... this explains a lot.

Who in the FPGP doesn't like Beer?

Danny Ellis is in the Field

No waiting around on the alternate list this week for Tiger Philp's favorite Clemson Tiger. There are a few interesting proposition bet possibilities this week.

1. Will he make the cut?
2. Will he be the "low Ellis?" As it turns out, there is also a John Ellis in the field, although he has no info. available on PGAtour.com.
3. Will his play make us forget Jason Gore?

Time will tell...

A couple quick thoughts:

I noticed that Tiger is not playing this week. How does he skip the AT&T? That makes no sense to me at all.

I see that Jumpin' Jeff's trade-pick, Greg Owen, is in the field. Turns out that Owen finished 3rd in this event last year, and netted almost 30% of his entire 2005 earnings here. For Jeff's sake, he better have a good week or he may end up giving us old FPGPers reason to forget the Garbriel Hjerstatdt trade.

UPDATE 2/5/06

J.J. Henry

How can this Dudley DoRight-looking wanker be leading a PGA tourney??? His biggest accomplishment before this was probably making Eagle Scout.

--- Steve V

FPGP RULE: The Greg Owen Clause

For the sake of clarity, I am going to make an addendum to the rules which is probably implicit, but I feel the need to clarify. A trade is executed when you send me an email indicating who you want and who you want to dump. That means if you send it on Wednesday night, you get the new player's standing on the money list at that point. If you send it Thursday a.m. before the tourney starts, or anytime during the tourney, you will not get the points/money from that tourney. Effectively the trade will be executed for the next PGA Tour stop.

If you make a trade, and the player craps out that week, you are shit out of luck. This is an issue because Jumpin Jeff was joking about "sending my money back and I can repick Owen next week" after he slips in the money rankings this week. There has never been an explicit rule about that kind of behavior, so to be absolutely clear, the Greg Owen Clause is as follows:

1. You make a trade, you live with it. You cannot back out on a trade for any reason.
2. If you do not get the money to the Commish within a week, the trade is null and void (that was already understood).
3. NO HEDGING. That is, you cannot ask for a trade then see the guy missed the cut, and simply not pay. If you do so, YOU LOSE YOUR TRADE RIGHTS. The trade will not go through (per #2 above) and you do not get to make another one.

I would hope that no one would try number 3, but just in case...

Aaron Baddeley is an ASS CLOWN!

Just checked the leaderboard to see if any of my idiots made the cut this week... Baddeley was dancing along the line (on the good side) when I checked an hour ago. Now he is nearly at the bottom of the field. How, you ask? Because the fuckstick took a 10 ON A PAR 5. How the hell does that happen? I didn't realize I had Jr. Philp on my team.

Richard Johnson

Ok, if your name was Richard Johnson, which could easily be shortened to Dick Johnson, then to Dick Dick, then simply to Dick-squared (his official moniker during the FPGP), WOULD YOU WEAR YOUR HAIR LIKE THIS?

You can track Dick-squared's peformance this week by clicking here.

FPGP TRADE: Jumpin Jeff Dumps Goose

Jeff informed me that he wishes to execute his trade. He is getting rid of Retief Goosen, and picking up Greg Owen (currently 146). This trade meets the guidelines listed in the rules, and will be effective today, meaning Greg Owen's performance this week WILL count (Jeff sent the email last night).

Make sure you hit my paypal for $20 Jeff... If I don't get payment by next Thursday, the trade is nulled and you lose your ability to make another trade.

Tommy 2 Gloves

For those of you who don't know Tommy "2 Gloves" is a buddy of mine that I worked with when he was the cart guy at a course I used to work at. We've played golf dozens of times and myself and the pro at the course also raised $27,000 to get him on this tour 3 years ago. He may someday get a cup of coffee on the big boy tour, but till then, he's kicking ass on this mini-tour in Florida. He hits the ball about 320 off the tee and has one ugly swing. Maybe you saw him. He was on the lastest version of the men's "Big Break IV" on the golf channel.

http://www.greygoosetour.com/rtjtseries/moneyleaders.html

PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN

No more REPLY ALL emails to the group. Most people do not care about the nonsensical chatter that goes on, which is why this blog/message board was created. I can't help but think that the reason we lose so many 1 time FPGPers is because they get overloaded with all of our stupid emails, and decide it is not worth it.

Further, some of us in the real world have these cute little devices called a "blackberry." When we get email, it buzzes. In the real world, if you have a job that requires a blackberry, and your blackberry buzzes at 10 p.m., that may mean something important, so you jump out of bed to check it out. Stan the Man fell victim to this last night.

If you want an offline conversation about FPGP stuff, feel free... but just send it to the intendend targets. There is absolutely no need to send a "feets don't fail me now" email to everyone in the group. Further, there is no need to REPLY ALL to that email. If you want to bust Robbo's balls, do it on the blog or between yourselves. Each of you has been sent an invitation to join the blog so you can start your own threads, and only a few have signed up. Even without that, anyone can comment on the blog... this should be the beginning and end point of FPGP discussions and other nonsensical stuff.

I am seriously considering the 5 point "REPLY ALL" penalty... Don't make me an evil dictator.

THE COMMISH